text; un: hjack420blayz

[hjack69]

WANTED:

One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.

I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.

PAYMENT

Any one ( 1 ) of the following:

- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure.
- A cut of any profits made from the samples.
- A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer.
- My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)


Contact if interested.

Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.

Comments

text; un: pholia

[baguablade]

That's a very thorough disclaimer...

[ "In an only moderately excruciating manner"? Just who is this guy? ]

[hjack69]

What can I say? I'm a businessman. I like to make sure we're aaaaaaall on the same page before we start working together.

text; un: LANCER

[playingfetch]

Sure, sounds like a good time, as long as I've got some time to get to this Olympia place first.

What's your highly trained team highly trained in?

Any pictures of this engineer?

[hjack69]

You know, killing stuff. Making stuff not-alive. Being attractive. And I guess we're pretty decent at keeping people alive when we feel like it.

Yeah, check it.

[ Insert a picture of Jack outside a brothel, making this face next to some CHOICE BOOTIES. Because he's classy like that. ]

text; un: sexXxyninja18

[exaomori]

how long are you thinking this gig will last

[hjack69]

I dunno, probably a while? We're gonna have to hit Wyver too, and there'll need to be resupply runs... might not be something you can rely on for your rent every month, since we'll have to put together the scratch to pay you people, but I'd be willing to negotiate some long-term arrangement benefits for people who can turn in the best finds.

Basically, if you're really good at killing stuff, I'll throw more money at your face.

text, un: willem

[veneries]

What's that small text at the bottom for?

[hjack69]

Where I'm from, you put a bunch of reeeeeally tiny words at the bottom of whatever you're selling to explain all the bad parts of whatever you're selling. Like possibly dying horribly. If it's in a commercial, you hire somebody that can read all of it way too fast for people to understand.

I figure the same idea probably applies to offering jobs.

[badgerlock]

So you mean to hire people on top of the those you have already hired?

[hjack69]

My team is only there to provide security. They're not specialized enough to be involved in any actual collection or active combat roles.

[ ie he doesn't have to pay those people to make them do what he wants, which makes them more valuable than normal people. ]

text; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

What, can't we volunteer for the second team? I want on that one. It sounds far more profitable.

[hjack69]

Sorry, trusted and heavily vetted personnel only!

Believe me, team #2 isn't nearly as exciting as it sounds.

[ Mostly in that absolutely nobody on it is getting paid, probably ever. ]

text; un: deadlyshadows

[demonicarmor]

[Combat opportunity with payment, check. But more importantly...]

Do I have to agree to this before payment amount is discussed?

[hjack69]

Nope! Wouldn't want to box anybody into an agreement they weren't happy with, that is a primo method to getting yourself stabbed and tossed in a ditch as an employer.

Head's up, though - I pay a flat rate in advance, but payment made by percentage of profit scales infinitely. I turn out something that sells for a cool mil, you'll get, I dunno, like 20% of that? Depends on how many people we split it all between.

text; un: merlin

[politrick]

modrelately excrustiating???

[Hey one question: why are you like this? Don't look at his shit typing skills.]

[hjack69]

I'm sorry, I have no idea who this "Merlin" character is.

[ There is literally exactly one person in this entire place named Merlin and he knows it. He's just giving lizardmom shit at this point. ]

[originallutece]

If you die before we begin, I'm going to be quite annoyed.

Do you even have insurance?

[hjack69]

1. Not possible and 2. No, which is why I don't want anybody crying about it if they get their arm blown off by an exploding jellyfish or something.

Besides, SOMEBODY needs to get some materials and our mutual friend is more interested in building his java empire.

text (un: aka728)

[hurtled]

Doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose if these people you're recruiting need protection in the first place

[hjack69]

Assuming everybody I hire here dies horribly, I still need some people around to help me get back to civilization.

So I guess it's kind of like my protection detail, but I just kinda loan 'em out to anybody else who happens to come with. My guys are less... eh, I dunno. Expendable. That's not even heartlessness, that's just straight-up fact.

text / un: chocobro

[punshots]

does anyone actually read the fine print

[ ...He didn't. ]

strikes got deleted/rewritten but u kno the deal

[hjack69]

hahaha christ you obviously didn't

I dunno, I never do. It's never anything important, y'know?

So! You thinking about joining up? I can promise great benefits. Mostly just silver or whatever the hell they call money around here, but who doesn't like money?

text; un: swan

[sheriffing]

What's with the fine print? It sounds like you're sending people off to their doom.

text; un: wellsuited

[ofobedience]

[It's the disclaimer that piques his interest, tbh.]

I suppose I could go in for a casual stroll. Stretch my legs, and all that.

[That, and he still has a debt of community service to pay off after his involvement in those terrorist attacks.]

slides in late text un; umenosuke

[shikomizue]

What are you planning on doing with those materials once you get them?

Or are you just collecting for the hell of it?

[like those dragon bone shards he got you]

text | un:aceofhearts

[exorion]

hang on hang on

whats this about electrocuting