One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.
I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.
PAYMENT
Any one ( 1 ) of the following:
- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure. - A cut of any profits made from the samples. - A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer. - My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)
Contact if interested.
Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.
And you're going to be poor for a living unless you want a job that requires actually effort song the locals. Because that's what I did when I first got here. I worked! like super hard which I know you hate
Look. Love the dialogue we're having here. Love it! I feel like we're really connecting.
But I'm having trouble figuring out what you're trying to accomplish here besides ordering me around. Because you're definitely not trying to do that, right?
[ This would be the moment that Rhys remembers that this Jack isn't an AI and can actually punch him in the throats later if he wants to. He can't just banter with Jack and expect him to throw it off, this Jack thought Rhys worked for him...sort of. Emphasis on the past-tense there.
SO YEAH Rhys has some #rhygrets right about now. ]
You were trying to tell her that we That! You know what you said! That is not cool Jack!
[ IT'S NEVER JUST JOKES WITH YOU JACK and even when they are there's so much Rhys hasn't even begunknow he was wrong but like Rhys gets none of those he only gets to feel like a loser ]
Listen: I bought something at one of the brothels that sounds a hell of a lot like coke. Or heroin. It's like if coke and heroin had a baby and it was raised by purple drank. Kind of tastes like candy? It's awesome. Come grab some and we'll hang out. We'll get Tim in on it and everything.
[ Because there is L I T E R A L L Y N O T H I N G that can go wrong with this plan. ]
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SUDDENLY PRIVATE
But I'm having trouble figuring out what you're trying to accomplish here besides ordering me around. Because you're definitely not trying to do that, right?
AYUP
SO YEAH Rhys has some #rhygrets right about now. ]
You were trying to tell her that we
That!
You know what you said!
That is not cool Jack!
that fucking icon
always applicable
Well
No?
No
Probably not
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We invented them yesterday.
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Well it wasn't a very funny joke.
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Listen: I bought something at one of the brothels that sounds a hell of a lot like coke. Or heroin. It's like if coke and heroin had a baby and it was raised by purple drank. Kind of tastes like candy? It's awesome. Come grab some and we'll hang out. We'll get Tim in on it and everything.
[ Because there is L I T E R A L L Y N O T H I N G that can go wrong with this plan. ]
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my
god
jack????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Rhys takes a good, long look at his palm display to make sure he's actually reading this in real life ]
what
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[ i mean ]
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uh
that doesn't seem like a good idea....?
i don't
I don't do drugs
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wtf do you mean "what's wrong with being a nerd" literally everything is wrong
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[ SO THERE?? ]
1/2
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How exactly do you know Athena?
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We play Bunkers & Badasses togetherWe played Bunkers & Badasses together.
Before the world ended anyway
[ all of one time and she flipped the table, but still. NOT A LIE. This is 100% truth and text so in theory this will be much easier to brush off ]
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YOU - a nameless, unimportant Hyperion code-jockey
played a dumb tabletop game with ATHENA THE GLADIATOR, the ultra-badass Atlas assassin who hates the crap out of me and everything I stand for.
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YES okay badasses can like nerd stuff too it's nothing to be ashamed of.
[ a pause, and then: ]
And don't think I didn't see that comment about being nameless and unimportant!
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Like, no offense? But you're you.
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[ WHY IS EVERYONE LIKE THIS ]
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JACK
WELL!!!
My coworkers are laughing at me
LMFAO
Do U want me to make the log for this trainwreck.....
Y E S PLEASE DO
done and done