One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.
I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.
PAYMENT
Any one ( 1 ) of the following:
- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure. - A cut of any profits made from the samples. - A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer. - My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)
Contact if interested.
Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.
Listen, Rhys, I know you haven't had the opportunities I've had, but there is NOTHING more enjoyable or relaxing than double a couple lines off a stripper's tits and then passing out in them.
Besides killing people, I mean, but they freak out about that around here, so. Stripper tits.
What can I say? People get a drink or two in 'em and realize how irresistible I am.
Probably better it doesn't happen, though. You get a night in with me and it'll ruin you for anybody else. Until the day you die you'll be like ooh, this is okay I guess, but Handsome Jack was sooooo much better!
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How exactly do you know Athena?
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We play Bunkers & Badasses togetherWe played Bunkers & Badasses together.
Before the world ended anyway
[ all of one time and she flipped the table, but still. NOT A LIE. This is 100% truth and text so in theory this will be much easier to brush off ]
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YOU - a nameless, unimportant Hyperion code-jockey
played a dumb tabletop game with ATHENA THE GLADIATOR, the ultra-badass Atlas assassin who hates the crap out of me and everything I stand for.
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YES okay badasses can like nerd stuff too it's nothing to be ashamed of.
[ a pause, and then: ]
And don't think I didn't see that comment about being nameless and unimportant!
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Like, no offense? But you're you.
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[ WHY IS EVERYONE LIKE THIS ]
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Listen, Rhys, I know you haven't had the opportunities I've had, but there is NOTHING more enjoyable or relaxing than double a couple lines off a stripper's tits and then passing out in them.
Besides killing people, I mean, but they freak out about that around here, so. Stripper tits.
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Why can't we just go out for drinks? Half of them are already drugged anyway
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JACK
What makes you think I want to
to
Why would I do THAT with you??
Uhhh no offense
[ weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ]
WELL!!!
Probably better it doesn't happen, though. You get a night in with me and it'll ruin you for anybody else. Until the day you die you'll be like ooh, this is okay I guess, but Handsome Jack was sooooo much better!
My coworkers are laughing at me
If you stop I'll go
LMFAO
[ this is apparently a tonight thing now??? ]
Do U want me to make the log for this trainwreck.....
Can't wait
Y E S PLEASE DO
done and done