text; un: hjack420blayz

[hjack69]

WANTED:

One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.

I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.

PAYMENT

Any one ( 1 ) of the following:

- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure.
- A cut of any profits made from the samples.
- A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer.
- My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)


Contact if interested.

Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.

Comments

[hjack69]

Well I wasn't going to come right out and talk about dragging my balls over every plate and piece of silverware in his kitchen, but if you INSIST...

[originallutece]

Sorry, for what purpose, precisely? Marking your territory?

[hjack69]

See, you get it!

You don't even want to KNOW what I did with his toothbrush.

[originallutece]

There's better ways to accomplish the same task, but far be it for me to interfere in your love life.

[rhygret]

WHOA WHOA, NO.
STOP RIGHT THERE
WE DID NOT, NOTHING HAPPENED
Jack I will fire you oh my god

[originallutece]

Obviously nothing happened, Rhys, I'm hardly sitting here agog.

[rhygret]

Well...good.
I can't believe he's being this childish, OH WAIT. Yes I can!

[originallutece]

You realize he hadn't mentioned you by name?

[rhygret]

Well...no but
Like YOU know who he's talking about

[originallutece]

I did, yes, but it might have served you better to play that one off.

Ah, well, too late now. So long as you're here, that reminds me: you owe me a phone call.

[rhygret]

Wait I do? Why

[originallutece]

Call me and find out, why don't you.

[hjack69]

Wow, you came here JUST to let everyone know it was you I was talking about?

Oh, Rhysie, I had no idea you felt this way!

[rhygret]

I have a lot of feelings about you lying about me!

[hjack69]

When do you not have a lot of feelings?

[rhygret]

Do you even have any?

[hjack69]

Of course I do!

I mean, after last night, you should know better than anybody.

[rhygret]

Oh you mean when I retroactively decided you're on 4am coffee duty for now until forever?
Yes I remember that super-good

[hjack69]

I told you already, Rhys - didn't go to college to end up running frickin coffee. That's intern work.

[rhygret]

What? What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of my coffee empire that I can run because I'm an exemplary citizen

[hjack69]

You're literally going to be grinding beans for a living. You realize that, right?

text: un: S1E32N PRIVACY LEVELS: unhackable

[r3f4c70r3d]

As much as I would like to pretend I did not see this exchange; you're going to get yourself killed faster than I can prevent Jack from doing so.

text

[rhygret]

Yep nope Rosalind's already got you covered here don't worry. I called her.

[r3f4c70r3d]

I am just saying, can you please stop sticking your head in the proverbial lions mouth.

[rhygret]

Yeah yeah I got it.
Sorry.
He just gets to you sometimes you know?