text; un: hjack420blayz

[hjack69]

WANTED:

One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.

I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.

PAYMENT

Any one ( 1 ) of the following:

- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure.
- A cut of any profits made from the samples.
- A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer.
- My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)


Contact if interested.

Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.

Comments

text, un: willem

[veneries]

What's that small text at the bottom for?

[hjack69]

Where I'm from, you put a bunch of reeeeeally tiny words at the bottom of whatever you're selling to explain all the bad parts of whatever you're selling. Like possibly dying horribly. If it's in a commercial, you hire somebody that can read all of it way too fast for people to understand.

I figure the same idea probably applies to offering jobs.

[veneries]

Isn't that rather redundant? All of that should be obvious to begin with.

[hjack69]

Nah, you'll always get people complaining all oh, but you didn't TELL me I could get burned by this open fire! etc etc blah blah. Common sense ain't exactly strong with the general populace.

I like to get it all written out and in the open in case I ever need to pull some "I-told-you-sos" later on.

[veneries]

[wow pandering to the ignorant.]

It's kind of you to think of the general populace like that.

[hjack69]

What can I say! I'm just a thoughtful, good-hearted, downright goddamn benevolent employer.

Why the interest, btw? You intrigued by a potentially fatal line of employment courtesy of yours truly?

[veneries]

I'm intrigued by an amount of currency and a cut of the profits.

[It's important to be honest with one another, isn't it?]

[hjack69]

Good. If you were interested in the possibly dying part, I'd be concerned.

Quick rundown: in my old universe, I made my living as a... let's call it a manufacturer of necessary goods. Weapons, cybernetics, dumpy little dumbass robots, I kinda dabbled in everything. Looking to get back into that here so I can make a metric fuckton of money, but before I can do that, I'll need to experiment with the materials around here to find out exactly what I'm working with.

We go out, we collect everything that ain't nailed down, we bring it back, I throw money at your face. Everybody's happy.

[veneries]

[cybernetics? robots? metric fucktons? it's like the man doesn't speak English.]

I do like the part where money's thrown at me.

1/2

[hjack69]

Great, because if this works out, you'll make out like a stripper on Mercenary's Day Eve.

[hjack69]

Wait, do they have that where you're from or what

is there some holiday where people give each other a ton of stuff for free bc that's what I'm referencing here

[veneries]

Never heard of most of those things, but I'm getting the general vibe.

Relatedly, I'm starting to feel that Westeros was missing out on a lot of fun. I'm almost glad to be rid of it.