text; un: hjack420blayz

[hjack69]

WANTED:

One ( 1 ) to five ( 5 ) hired professionals willing to traverse the wilds of Olympia to gather samples of native flora and fauna. Ideal candidates will have trained in one or more fields of combat; specifics cannot be given due to the unknown and highly unpredictable nature of the Olympia wilderness.

I will be personally leading a highly-trained team of my own to ensure your safety.

PAYMENT

Any one ( 1 ) of the following:

- An amount of currency to be agreed upon before departure.
- A cut of any profits made from the samples.
- A favor from our incredibly talented, remarkably intelligent, and unbelievably good-looking engineer.
- My personal gratitude. (The most valuable option tbh.)


Contact if interested.

Handsome Jack and associates are not responsible for any gutting, burning, maiming, stabbing, devouring, electrocuting, exploding, flaying, defenestrating, or any and all loss of life or limb associated with temporary employees i.e. 'mercenaries'. Temporary employees are not entitled to healthcare options or insurance. Temporary employees and their families are not entitled to any form of compensation in the event of death or maiming i.e. "life insurance". In the event of a mutiny or other attempt to subvert the chain of command, or any attempt to rob, kill, or otherwise harm the team, Handsome Jack and associates reserve the right to execute the offending parties in an only moderately excruciating manner.

Comments

[baguablade]

What about just cooperating? A mutual understanding so no one needs to be threatened?

[ He's guessing "no threats" isn't how this guy usually works, though. ]

[hjack69]

You've never run a major corporation, have you.

[baguablade]

Workplace productivity is much higher when employees aren't fearing for their lives.

[hjack69]

You would honestly be surprised how motivated people get when they've got a gun to their head.

Metaphorically.

[ Not metaphorically. Like, at all. ]

[baguablade]

[ THERE IS NO WAY HE MEANS THAT METAPHORICALLY ]

Is that how you're planning to "motivate" your employees here, too?

[hjack69]

Of course not. Sheesh, what kinda guy do you think I am?

For one, I don't have any guns rn.

[baguablade]

[ Which means that's really all that's stopping him... ]

I think you're a man who has such a disclaimer because your leadership style is one that engenders mutinies.

[hjack69]

[ pretend I went to the effort of c/ping that shrug emoji because BASICALLY ]

I mean, maybe it IS just me, but "do what I tell you to because I'm paying you" seems pretty straightforward.

[baguablade]

[ I'll pretend just for you friend. ]

I doubt it's that simple if you're used to mutiny.