video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[vorrutyer]

Oh, I'll have to teach you sometime. It's quite a sophisticated system - that's the problem.

[priorly]

If we live in the same house I'm sure I'll come to be able to translate them all, in time. At any rate, I feel cleaner, and I now know whose flour is ground with sawdust, the state of at least three sadly collapsing marriages, and that the little girls from three streets over have been hired to work at the palace.

[Casual as you please. He's paying most attention to unwinding his scarf and shaking it out to remove any prickles.]

[vorrutyer]

[ His voice remains light, but there's a sharpness in his eye. ]

Oh, really? To work in what capacity?

[priorly]

[And Prior looks up just long enough to notice it, the faintest quirk to one corner of his mouth.]

Ladies attendants I think. Dressing and grooming and all - they start them young here.

[vorrutyer]

Well, it's not an easy job. I could see why training would be necessary. Though I wish they'd hire me - I'm perfectly good at dressing and grooming and all.

[priorly]

And here I thought reputable employ was an anathema. Sadly you may be a little tall, and look fractionally less sweet skipping along in pigtails.

I almost think could become more interested in the court gossip than I imagined. It's like Dynasty with a bigger lily pond.

[vorrutyer]

Ah, it's the grandest of pastimes. Here, I can teach you all the best ways to gossip. It was most of my day, back home, trading gossip.

[priorly]

[Now isn't that quaint. Scarf wound neatly round his wrist, Prior settles back in front of the screen with a kind of long-suffering amusement.] Honestly, Byerly it's almost as if you've never met a homosexual in your life. Some things you can nuture, but to some one is simply born.

[vorrutyer]

[ Hey now. ]

Court gossip is different. A different set of skills.

[priorly]

Different courts. Your skills could be as esoteric as mine.

[vorrutyer]

Nothing of the sort. A court is a court. The precise forms of politeness may differ, but the overarching rules stay the same.

[priorly]

Precise forms of politeness. One more reason there are no royal courts where I'm from.

[But Prior is listening. In the end he always does and - knowing less of Byerly than the other man does of him - hearing something of the world he walked in isn't anything to be brushed off.]

And you're talking about more than knowing when to curtsey and which spoon to use for the soup?

[vorrutyer]

[ With a little twitch of his mouth: ]

I am, as a matter of fact. I'm talking about knowing how to please a despot.

[priorly]

Should we be aiming to please despots? I don't mean to seem obtuse but in the history of my time they're generally thought of as better overthrown or... I don't know - someone from whom it's best to keep out of the way.

[vorrutyer]

Well, but you want to go to court, no? A court is nothing without its despot. They're the ones around whom the whole thing revolves.

[ With a little wave of his hand - ]

A despot isn't evil by definition.

[priorly]

[There's a soft sigh from Prior, as he presses a hand across his heart.]

If only the world hadn't ended before Queen Diana took the throne, I think your world view could be quite different.

[But.]

I'm interested in seeing the court, at least. Your natural habitat? And I can be polite, I wasn't raised in a barn, after all.

[vorrutyer]

No, not my natural habitat.

[ He gives an easy, cheery shrug. ]

A disgraced fellow like me was never permitted into the court. But it was what I was educated for.

[priorly]

Then what made gossip from the place the mainstay of your days? You know [He winces, faintly apologetic.] I'd say I don't want to pry but it wouldn't be true, I just won't, if you'd rather. It's so much of what you talk about, but never seems to be anything you really like.

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly looks genuinely puzzled. Careful, Prior. This is an open channel, after all. ]

Dear fellow, I'm an open book. You know that. Pry away. [ Then, with a little bit of a sigh - ] And you're quite wrong. I fear that gossip and all that - it's my foremost vice. At the end of the day, I probably spent a bit too much time on it.

[priorly]

[Not being too familiar with phones not attached to the wall by a wire, the privacy function's something Prior's paid fleeting attention to. Though he's not too lax with his topics, there are things he just won't ask unless they're alone.

On thing he does keep noticing, is just what Byerly puts in plain sight.]

Well I don't know many gossips quite so honest about what they do.

[vorrutyer]

Self-awareness is a virtue, they say.

[priorly]

And a reason for people to keep things to themselves. All right. [Which, loosely translated means later.] Teach this cockney flower girl your highfalutin courtly manners, even if I'm too deliciously low to deserve them.

[vorrutyer]

[ With a bit of laughter in his voice - ]

You wouldn't be if you'd just let me name you Count Vorwalter.

[priorly]

[There's still a little Audrey Hepburn in his voice.]

I'm afraid one of your countrymen will wake up and find me frightfully common if you do. What does the 'Vor' mean? There's a thing I've been meaning to ask.

[vorrutyer]

[ His smile turns wry. ]

The etymology is unclear, though some speculate it comes from the Russian word for thief. Given that the earliest Vor were the Emperor's tax collectors, it would make sense. - That's where Count comes from, too. The English word accountant. [ He purrs theatrically: ] Isn't being nobility just so erotic?