video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[illuminescent]

....should you like to go on an adventure, then?

[She says it slyly.]

[vorrutyer]

Ah! Beautiful Lucy.

[ He turns to face the camera more fully, lowering himself into a bow that has a larger sincerity to mockery ratio than most of his bows. ]

What sort of adventure?

[illuminescent]

Valiant Lucy, you mean.

I mean to explore a bit. Should you be so kind as to accompany me?

[vorrutyer]

I should be pleased and honored. Only - you do not mean right now, I hope?

[ Since he is pretending to be drunk and all. ]

[illuminescent]

When you have sobered, I think.

[vorrutyer]

[ A laugh. ]

My word. Valiant indeed. Most people, when they see someone who's drunk, pretend not to notice.

audio | un: priorly

[priorly]

There's an Emperor of whom I rhyme,
Whose customs could run to a crime.
But it's quite safe, he said,
To play bed, wed and behead,
If you duck at just the right time.

I didn't know you played. [Piano, not this party game.]

[illuminescent]

Why should I do such a thing? Unless you mean to think that you were not.

[vorrutyer]

[ A cheery laugh, and a round of applause as he bows his head in respect. Very nice one. ]

Well, you know my dear Prior,
I'd deny it, but I'd be a liar.
-- Et cetera, et cetera. Are you referring to the game, or to the piano?

[vorrutyer]

Well, most people consider drunkenness shameful. It's like pointing out that a man is half-naked. Which, if I recall correctly, you have also done to me.

[illuminescent]

If you had the better sense to be neither of those things, I would hardly have to point them out!

[vorrutyer]

Ooh, saucy! It's all right - speaking the truth isn't a sin.

[illuminescent]

I hope it was merely boredom that caused this drunkenness, my lord.

[vorrutyer]

Actually, my little lioness, it was alcohol.

[originallutece]

You're going to get in trouble if you keep introducing yourself that way, you know.

[Just an idle comment, really.]

And I think I might remember how to play whist, if I thought about it. My father used to play. But if you're still bored once you sober up, you might accompany me to the Palace.

[vorrutyer]

[ There's just the slightest twitch of his brow, revealing a keen (if suppressed) interest. ]

Oh? Were you invited to the palace, Madam Lutece? How remarkable.

[originallutece]

Not yet. But one doesn't gain entrance by sitting around and wishing.

[She shrugs.]

And if nothing else, the courtyard is open to all.

[priorly]

You see? I'm easy. Liar, fire, spire. Inquire. Try finding a rhyme for Byerly. [Wait.]

Besides priorly, obviously, but that's beside the point. The piano. I think I recognise that piece.

un: nash, video.

[latkje]

Ah, Y.A.I.H.B.H. [ Annoyingly, Nash pronounces the letters, even though this probably takes at least as much effort as pronouncing the invented title. ]

What could I tell you about my life that would inspire poetry? At least I've got a good name for rhyming.

[vorrutyer]

Dear heavens, do you ever. Please kindly tell me you've spent some time under the lash.

[ Also, he thought you were a woman?? Well-played. ]

[vorrutyer]

Well, with me on your arm, you'd most likely have some success catching her Imperial Attention. I understand she likes pretty things.

[vorrutyer]

[ Oh? The drunken mannerisms get dialed back as he takes interest. ]

Do you really? It's one from back home.

[priorly]

Oh, I could be wrong. I haven't played properly in ten years, anything that isn't by our lady Gloria of Gaynor or Sondheim is likely lost on me. Who's yours by?

[originallutece]

So long as you don't mind being used for nothing more than your face, Vorrutyer.

[And really: she has no high hopes for getting into the palace, but she'd quite like to observe just how desperate others are to do so, and perhaps discover what it is that drives them so. Oh, power, presumably, but . . . well, she'll see. They'll see.]

In the meantime: I don't suppose you take requests for that piano?

[latkje]

I'm not a sailor or a slave. Though I am married, which is a sort of poetic servitude.