Text -|- un: nunya

[assholic]

Looking for work.

Previous Experience: phone operator, temporary office assistant, fast food worker, college bartender, sandwich board holder, private investigator, professional asshole.

Skills: owns own camera, capable of tolerating other assholes, not too up my own ass to do dirty work.

Special Skills: Specifics given upon request if I damn well feel like it.

Contact with offers. Anything related to strip clubs will result in learning how quickly I can track you down and hurt you with my special skills.

Comments

[learned_to_die]

I'D RATHER NOT BET MONEY ON YOU OR ANYONE. I'VE NEVER BEEN MUCH OF A GAMBLER OR A MAN OF CHANCE.

BUT I WILL GLADLY ATTEND THIS MATCH AND REWARD YOU WITH SOME DRINK AFTERWARDS.

[assholic]

I'd take offense at that if you weren't making it up with offers of alcohol.

[learned_to_die]

NO OFFENSE MEANT. I'D NOT BET ON YOU OR ANYONE ELSE ON A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE.

[assholic]

Yeah yeah. You just don't want to get your ass kicked by a girl. I get it.

[learned_to_die]

[Ned was renowned for his ability with a sword back in Westeros, though he'd never once let onto it on his own. His reputation was spread thanks to those who managed to survive on the battlefield, most likely because they hadn't had to fight him in direct combat.

Her comment does make him laugh, though.]

I AM AFRAID I AM ONLY TAUGHT IN THE WAYS OF THE SWORD; HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT HAS NEVER BEEN MY STRENGTH, AND I WOULD QUICKLY ACQUIESCE TO YOUR ABILITIES IF WE WERE TO ENGAGE IN THAT SORT OF ROW.

[assholic]

Good. I'd hate to have to break your sword and feed it to you. I kind of like you.

[learned_to_die]

BREAK MY SWORD? I'D BE LESS ANGERED AT THE RESULT AND MORE IMPRESSED AT YOUR ABILITIES, IF YOU WERE ABLE TO DO SO.

THOUGH I WILL ASK YOU NOT TO, JUST TO MAKE IT CLEAR.

THE SENTIMENT IS APPRECIATED AND RETURNED, JESSICA.

[assholic]

You might be impressed anyway.

[Super strength and flying tended to have that effect...]

We'll have to catch up over a drink.

[learned_to_die]

AYE. I'D BE INTERESTED TO HEAR OF YOUR VICTORIES.

IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME TO FULFILL MY PROMISE AND PURCHASE THE DRINK FOR YOU.

[assholic]

You're buying? Give me a time and place, Dadslock.

[learned_to_die]

OF COURSE. IT'S ONLY RIGHT, GIVEN THAT YOU'D GOTTEN MY FIRST ROUND HERE.

I'M LOCATED IN OLYMPIA. IS THERE A PLACE YOU PREFER?

[assholic]

I'm in Wyver, but I'm heading into Olympia in a couple days. I'll give you a call and you can drag me to your watering hole.

[learned_to_die]

DON'T ATTEMPT TO SOUND AS THOUGH YOU MIGHT BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I MIGHT GET A LARGE HEAD, IF YOU DID THAT.

[assholic]

God forbid you have friends. Wait.. god forbid *I* have friends. This could go horribly wrong.

[learned_to_die]

AYE, BUT ISN'T THAT TRUE OF ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE?

[assholic]

Stop trying to logic your way out of a beer.

[learned_to_die]

NOT DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

I'VE OFFERED TO GET YOU A DRINK, AND I STAND BY IT.

[assholic]

Two days, Dadslock. You can buy me one when I'm in Olympia. Try to stay in one piece until then. I'd hate to have to waste time beating people up for ruining my drinking partner.

[learned_to_die]

I FEAR I MAY REGRET ASKING THIS, BUT WHAT IS THIS 'DADSLOCK' YOU'VE TAKEN TO CALLING ME?

AND AYE, I'LL DO MY BEST. FOR YOUR SAKE, MY SAKE, AND THAT OF MY CHILDREN. I DOUBT ANY OF US WOULD APPRECIATE ME FALLING TO PIECES.

Would you like to tag into my open log and have them meet up in Olympia?

[assholic]

The capslock. YOU WRITING IN ALL CAPS. It's a very 'dad' move. Dadslock.

SORRY FOR MASSIVE DELAY. yes this works!

[learned_to_die]

ARE FATHERS NORMALLY AGGRESSIVE? I'VE BEEN TOLD BY A FEW THAT THIS COMES ACROSS AS HOSTILE.

No worries =) Just let me know if you'd like to start in there or if I should =)

[assholic]

For people used to texting or 'ye olde conversing' like this, typing in capslock is the equivalent of screaming. We use it for showing we're angry or excited about something. So you come off as either really mad or really exuberant. Or as a dad. Because dads don't always have a handle on newfangled tech.

you could, since i'm moving at a glacial pace as it is!

[learned_to_die]

THAT IS ACCURATE, IS IT NOT? I AM A FATHER, MANY TIMES OVER.

https://nysalogs.dreamwidth.org/84101.html?thread=22254469#cmt22254469 (at your leisure)

[assholic]

Are you bragging? So much a dad? That's kind of cute.

[learned_to_die]

NOT BRAGGING; MOSTLY STATING FACT. I HAVE SIX CHILDREN.