Text -|- un: nunya

[assholic]

Looking for work.

Previous Experience: phone operator, temporary office assistant, fast food worker, college bartender, sandwich board holder, private investigator, professional asshole.

Skills: owns own camera, capable of tolerating other assholes, not too up my own ass to do dirty work.

Special Skills: Specifics given upon request if I damn well feel like it.

Contact with offers. Anything related to strip clubs will result in learning how quickly I can track you down and hurt you with my special skills.

Comments

[learned_to_die]

AYE. I'D BE INTERESTED TO HEAR OF YOUR VICTORIES.

IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME TO FULFILL MY PROMISE AND PURCHASE THE DRINK FOR YOU.

[assholic]

You're buying? Give me a time and place, Dadslock.

[learned_to_die]

OF COURSE. IT'S ONLY RIGHT, GIVEN THAT YOU'D GOTTEN MY FIRST ROUND HERE.

I'M LOCATED IN OLYMPIA. IS THERE A PLACE YOU PREFER?

[assholic]

I'm in Wyver, but I'm heading into Olympia in a couple days. I'll give you a call and you can drag me to your watering hole.

[learned_to_die]

DON'T ATTEMPT TO SOUND AS THOUGH YOU MIGHT BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I MIGHT GET A LARGE HEAD, IF YOU DID THAT.

[assholic]

God forbid you have friends. Wait.. god forbid *I* have friends. This could go horribly wrong.

[learned_to_die]

AYE, BUT ISN'T THAT TRUE OF ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE?

[assholic]

Stop trying to logic your way out of a beer.

[learned_to_die]

NOT DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

I'VE OFFERED TO GET YOU A DRINK, AND I STAND BY IT.

[assholic]

Two days, Dadslock. You can buy me one when I'm in Olympia. Try to stay in one piece until then. I'd hate to have to waste time beating people up for ruining my drinking partner.

[learned_to_die]

I FEAR I MAY REGRET ASKING THIS, BUT WHAT IS THIS 'DADSLOCK' YOU'VE TAKEN TO CALLING ME?

AND AYE, I'LL DO MY BEST. FOR YOUR SAKE, MY SAKE, AND THAT OF MY CHILDREN. I DOUBT ANY OF US WOULD APPRECIATE ME FALLING TO PIECES.

Would you like to tag into my open log and have them meet up in Olympia?

[assholic]

The capslock. YOU WRITING IN ALL CAPS. It's a very 'dad' move. Dadslock.

SORRY FOR MASSIVE DELAY. yes this works!

[learned_to_die]

ARE FATHERS NORMALLY AGGRESSIVE? I'VE BEEN TOLD BY A FEW THAT THIS COMES ACROSS AS HOSTILE.

No worries =) Just let me know if you'd like to start in there or if I should =)

[assholic]

For people used to texting or 'ye olde conversing' like this, typing in capslock is the equivalent of screaming. We use it for showing we're angry or excited about something. So you come off as either really mad or really exuberant. Or as a dad. Because dads don't always have a handle on newfangled tech.

you could, since i'm moving at a glacial pace as it is!

[learned_to_die]

THAT IS ACCURATE, IS IT NOT? I AM A FATHER, MANY TIMES OVER.

https://nysalogs.dreamwidth.org/84101.html?thread=22254469#cmt22254469 (at your leisure)

[assholic]

Are you bragging? So much a dad? That's kind of cute.

[learned_to_die]

NOT BRAGGING; MOSTLY STATING FACT. I HAVE SIX CHILDREN.

[assholic]

You might want to look into stopping with the whole building your own baseball team.

[learned_to_die]

WHAT IS A BASEBALL TEAM?

[assholic]

Yeah, that's going to require a face to face, Neddy.

[learned_to_die]

IS IT SOMETHING NEGATIVE?

[assholic]

No. It's a game. But it needs explaining.

[learned_to_die]

A GAME. CALLED BASEBALL? THE BALL ASPECT IS EASY ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT, BUT A BASE?

[assholic]

Apparently we were really creative when coming up with our favorite pastimes. Baseball. Basketball. Football. Woo.

Bases are little pads placed around a field and there's batters and a ball and runners. Four bases. First. Second. Third. And home, which is where you start.

[learned_to_die]

AND THIS IS A GAME PEOPLE ENJOY? IS IT A SPECTATOR SPORT LIKE A JOUSTING TOURNEY?