text; un: iron_captian

[pricechecked]

[It's later in the day and the bomb has gone off, but someone hasn't yet heard about it. He's got a slightly more pressing question right now. It's a good one, really.]

HOW DO YOU FIGHT A PERSON WITH A GUN????

[He's also kind of an older guy too. Texting doesn't come natural to him.]

Comments

[pricechecked]

[He sort of did that already, but the body armor was his own flesh. That had limited success and hurt like hell.]

THEY WILL TASTE VICTORY, BUT HAVE IT TURN TO ASH IN THEIR MOUTHS. THAT LOOK IN THEIR EYES WOULD BE TRULY SATISFYING.

[awesomenesss]

YEAH

BUT you have 2 make sure you have the perfect finisher line

O I just thought of it!

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE............. I KILL PEOPLE

[pricechecked]

[That's... sort of perfect. Victarion likes it? A lot.]

YES. I MAY VERY WELL USE THOSE WORDS. YOU ARE VERY CUNNING BURTMACKLIN.

[awesomenesss]

Thanks! U are pretty cool too iron captain!
I have alot of experience.
And I watched a lot of WWF.
Witch is not as cool as the moves in ultimate fighter matches but still cool.

[pricechecked]

[Soon enough, Andy's words would see use. Amazingly.]

WHAT IS THIS WWF YOU SPEAK OF? GREAT WARRIORS?

[awesomenesss]

[And, somewhere, Andy feels a touch of pride. Like someone is being a total badass thanks to his advice.]

You bet your ass great warriors.
Some of the greatest alive.
It stands for World Wide Wrestling Federation, now World Wrestling Entertainment.

Wait it's WWWF WWF is animals.
My bad!

UFC is better I think, it's MMA and it is totally badass.
Except I think its The Ultimate Fighter now.
Now THOSE dudes are warriors.

[pricechecked]

YOU MUST COME FROM A PROUD CULTURE TO BOAST SO MANY WARRIORS.

[awesomenesss]

You bet your ass I am.
Direct from the U S freaking A!
We've got all kinds of warriors. Best ones are ultimate warriors. But we also got American Ninja Warriors, MMA warriors, a buttload of World's Strongest Man AND Women, plus WWE. John Cena. The Rock. All the greats. And technically I think we get to claim Arnold Schwarzennger too cause he's lived here long enough.

What about u?

[pricechecked]

THE IRON ISLES IS FILLED WITH WARRIORS. MEN SUCH AS DAGMAR CLEFTJAW, CAPTAIN OF THE FOAMDRINKER. RALF STONEHOUSE, CAPTAIN OF THE RED JESTER. ANDRIK THE UNSMILING, A MAN OF UNEQUALED SIZE. NUTE THE BARBER SO KEEN WITH AN AXE HE COULD SHAVE YOU FROM A DOZEN PACES AWAY. DUNSTAN DRUMM, ARMED WITH THE SWORD RED RAIN. HARRAS HARLAW, LIKEWISE ARMED WITH NIGHTFALL. ALL GOOD AND GODLY MEN, FIERCE IN BATTLE ON LAND AND SEA.

[awesomenesss]

[Somewhere, Andy gasps, loudly.]

Holy crap those are some bad ass names!
You weren't kidding!
It's like wrestlers got in a fight with pirates and then they mixed up their names in a bowl and everybody picked new names and they were all totally sweet and scary but cool scary.


Why doesn't the barber just get a razer?

[pricechecked]

IT IS DIFFICULT TO KILL A MAN FROM DOZEN PACES WITH A RAZER.

[awesomenesss]

OK but what if you had 2 razers
But you don't have them both cuz 1 of them is in the hand of a guy BEHIND the guy
And he's less than dozen paces, he's more like [uh] less than dozen

Sneak attack, cut the throat, walk away.
That's how you get it done.

[pricechecked]

[Victarion is caught trying to decide if that would be incredibly badass or just really stupid. Which basically makes it standard Ironborn.]

MIGHT BE THAT WOULD WORK, BUT AN AXE IS BETTER FOR BATTLE. LEAVE THE RAZORS FOR MEN WHO WISH TO LOOK LIKE SOFT BOYS.

[awesomenesss]

OK but wouldn't they cut their hands?

[pricechecked]

IRONBORN ARE NEVER SO CLUMSY

[awesomenesss]

[Probably the most impressive thing Andy has read yet. Or at least, it's wiped out the other impressive things that were already read and discarded.

Speaking as a guy who partially concussed himself by sneezing his forehead into a hammer and then falling on the floor--]

Never never?

[pricechecked]

NEVER. NOT FOR ANY TRUE IRONBORN.

[There's always exceptions. Like Theon.]