text; un: iron_captian

[pricechecked]

[It's later in the day and the bomb has gone off, but someone hasn't yet heard about it. He's got a slightly more pressing question right now. It's a good one, really.]

HOW DO YOU FIGHT A PERSON WITH A GUN????

[He's also kind of an older guy too. Texting doesn't come natural to him.]

Comments

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THE IRON ISLES IS FILLED WITH WARRIORS. MEN SUCH AS DAGMAR CLEFTJAW, CAPTAIN OF THE FOAMDRINKER. RALF STONEHOUSE, CAPTAIN OF THE RED JESTER. ANDRIK THE UNSMILING, A MAN OF UNEQUALED SIZE. NUTE THE BARBER SO KEEN WITH AN AXE HE COULD SHAVE YOU FROM A DOZEN PACES AWAY. DUNSTAN DRUMM, ARMED WITH THE SWORD RED RAIN. HARRAS HARLAW, LIKEWISE ARMED WITH NIGHTFALL. ALL GOOD AND GODLY MEN, FIERCE IN BATTLE ON LAND AND SEA.

[awesomenesss]

[Somewhere, Andy gasps, loudly.]

Holy crap those are some bad ass names!
You weren't kidding!
It's like wrestlers got in a fight with pirates and then they mixed up their names in a bowl and everybody picked new names and they were all totally sweet and scary but cool scary.


Why doesn't the barber just get a razer?

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IT IS DIFFICULT TO KILL A MAN FROM DOZEN PACES WITH A RAZER.

[awesomenesss]

OK but what if you had 2 razers
But you don't have them both cuz 1 of them is in the hand of a guy BEHIND the guy
And he's less than dozen paces, he's more like [uh] less than dozen

Sneak attack, cut the throat, walk away.
That's how you get it done.

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[Victarion is caught trying to decide if that would be incredibly badass or just really stupid. Which basically makes it standard Ironborn.]

MIGHT BE THAT WOULD WORK, BUT AN AXE IS BETTER FOR BATTLE. LEAVE THE RAZORS FOR MEN WHO WISH TO LOOK LIKE SOFT BOYS.

[awesomenesss]

OK but wouldn't they cut their hands?

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IRONBORN ARE NEVER SO CLUMSY

[awesomenesss]

[Probably the most impressive thing Andy has read yet. Or at least, it's wiped out the other impressive things that were already read and discarded.

Speaking as a guy who partially concussed himself by sneezing his forehead into a hammer and then falling on the floor--]

Never never?

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NEVER. NOT FOR ANY TRUE IRONBORN.

[There's always exceptions. Like Theon.]