001: that time richard made a post on that network thing (video)

[tummyflowers]

[On the feed appears a man! No, not a man, a king. And his username is real_life_actual_king, since that's kind of important. Although often an informal unit, Richard is decked out in the standard issue armor and helmet of the Royal Guard. It's polished to perfection. He clears his throat.]

Hello all, it's me. I'm Kind Richard with the disclaimer that the name is intentionally ironic. I've just returned from the beach, which was just fantastic. I had a great time, all around. Never did get to see that fighting pit I kept hearing about, but a really good time altogether. And how about that train, am I right? Talk about posh.

Anyway, I wanted to give people a bit of a heads up. I'm with the Royal Guard and by now, kind of a venerated veteran of sorts, I wanted to let people know that we are still recruiting. Mind you, I'm not doing the recruiting! This is more of an information awareness announcement, since you'll have to speak directly to the Commander. A tad inefficient on her part, I'll grant you, but delegation is not her strongest suit. But you tell them that your old pal Rick sent you and you'll be well on your way to making this city a better, safer place to live. Also, you'll get paid for it, so that's a nice little bonus as well. Once you're in, you can have a talk with me. I run the armory, so I'll get you hooked up with the same kind of trendy fashion you see on display right now.

Now, unrelated to this whole business of being a guard, I wanted to open the floor to people who may have had experiences like I have had. If you've recently loss your kingdom and seat of power and been reduced to living the life of a meaningless and inconsequential peasant, then you're talking to someone who's been there. It's not easy, believe me. I've gone through a number of musical numbers just trying to cope with it. But if you need someone to talk to, then I'm there for you. You don't have to suffer alone anymore.

I think that's about it. Now, how the hell do I stop this from recording? Is this it?

Ah, good. That was easier than I thought. I think I did pretty well with the whole psycho-therapeutic mentoring thing there at the end, eh Tad Cooper? Really inspired some hope in those poor hopeless sods. Hm? The light's still on? Oh hell.

Maybe if I just... and then... okay, I'll just-!

[And like that, the message ends. Finally.]

Comments

[tummyflowers]

God, the irony is palpable. Yes, do that. Before long, people will fear the name Kind Richard!

[Being feared again! What a blast from the past!]

[baguablade]

Then consider it done.

[ He lets some of the levity fade, though. The musical numbers had been the most unusual, but not the only thing in that monologue that'd caught his interest. ]

But I'm curious, was "Kind" Richard what they called you when you were a king?

[tummyflowers]

Oh God no. They'd have been terrified to call me that. Although I did float King Rick the Magnanimous around, but it never really caught on, you know?

[Probably because he was saying it to a kingdom that he had just subjugated and killed a sizable portion of their army and nobility.]

[baguablade]

Yes, I'm beginning to get the picture... Still, to have such a change of heart is unusual for any ruler. Would you tell me the story?

[ Because how can he not be curious about how this guy went from evil king to... this, taking fashion advice for irony's sake? ]

[tummyflowers]

Well what's there to tell? Man rules a kingdom, gets married, loses kingdom to vicious backstabbing evil wife, realizes he was maybe not such a great king after all, and then ends up feeling a bit vindicated when the entire world ceases to exist. Sort of an every day underdog sort of tale, really.

[baguablade]

That's more the story of ballads and epics, isn't it?

[ At least where he's from, it would be. But maybe it's different in a world full of musical numbers... ]

Just the backstabbing evil wife bit alone sounds like it's quite a tale.

[tummyflowers]

I mean, sure, if you wanted to write something like that. I'd find if a little insensitive, personally.

[The last thing he wants to hear is a ballad of that time Richard fucked up and lost two kingdoms and never even got any.]

[baguablade]

Lucky for you I'm no bard.

[ A little dry; he's not going to be taken in by Richard's offense and end up owing yet another favor. ]

What I mean is that the events must surely have a great deal more to them than you make it seem. That's enough excitement for several lifetimes.

[tummyflowers]

You know, it feels that way, but at the same time it all happened so quickly. You could honestly probably fit it all into two short seasons, if you wanted.

[It's like... nothing even happened of note before it all, too. Funny old world like that.]

[baguablade]

[ Funny old world indeed... If only you could fight that cancellation with swords, too. ]

That's how it seems to go. When you're in the middle of the storm, you don't notice how quickly you're moving, huh? [ Cain sighs. ] Hopefully there won't be quite as much excitement here, though.

[tummyflowers]

I feel like things will be much slower paced here. This whole new setting really needs time to cement. You really can't jump into something big here without warning. Everyone would complain.

[And trust Richard, he knows. There's something about having terrible ratings that lends perspective.]

[baguablade]

You think so? Well, you seem like you have more experience, so I'll take your word for it. I'm amazed there's not much complaining from our hosts, to be honest.

[ How am I even supposed to keep up with meta on this level, good sir?? ]

[tummyflowers]

I'm sure they're just happy to be here. I can't imagine they have a terrible lot going on for them.

[It's just the business. It's pretty normal to talk about this stuff sometimes. Especially when the cancellation bear is always looming over.]

[baguablade]

The way I hear it, there's plenty that's going to be happening soon. That's why they're letting fine men like you into the guard, right?

[ What you need is to implement a gacha. Then the cancellation bear isn't a worry! ]