001: that time richard made a post on that network thing (video)

[tummyflowers]

[On the feed appears a man! No, not a man, a king. And his username is real_life_actual_king, since that's kind of important. Although often an informal unit, Richard is decked out in the standard issue armor and helmet of the Royal Guard. It's polished to perfection. He clears his throat.]

Hello all, it's me. I'm Kind Richard with the disclaimer that the name is intentionally ironic. I've just returned from the beach, which was just fantastic. I had a great time, all around. Never did get to see that fighting pit I kept hearing about, but a really good time altogether. And how about that train, am I right? Talk about posh.

Anyway, I wanted to give people a bit of a heads up. I'm with the Royal Guard and by now, kind of a venerated veteran of sorts, I wanted to let people know that we are still recruiting. Mind you, I'm not doing the recruiting! This is more of an information awareness announcement, since you'll have to speak directly to the Commander. A tad inefficient on her part, I'll grant you, but delegation is not her strongest suit. But you tell them that your old pal Rick sent you and you'll be well on your way to making this city a better, safer place to live. Also, you'll get paid for it, so that's a nice little bonus as well. Once you're in, you can have a talk with me. I run the armory, so I'll get you hooked up with the same kind of trendy fashion you see on display right now.

Now, unrelated to this whole business of being a guard, I wanted to open the floor to people who may have had experiences like I have had. If you've recently loss your kingdom and seat of power and been reduced to living the life of a meaningless and inconsequential peasant, then you're talking to someone who's been there. It's not easy, believe me. I've gone through a number of musical numbers just trying to cope with it. But if you need someone to talk to, then I'm there for you. You don't have to suffer alone anymore.

I think that's about it. Now, how the hell do I stop this from recording? Is this it?

Ah, good. That was easier than I thought. I think I did pretty well with the whole psycho-therapeutic mentoring thing there at the end, eh Tad Cooper? Really inspired some hope in those poor hopeless sods. Hm? The light's still on? Oh hell.

Maybe if I just... and then... okay, I'll just-!

[And like that, the message ends. Finally.]

Comments

[tummyflowers]

Smarter? Is that what you think you are? [He raises his voice to a higher pitch, perfectly emulating how Dorian sounds to him:] "Oh look at me! I can read books all day! Aren't I the cleverest tool in the bunch!"

You think I didn't have royal tutors? I'm protecting the city. The most danger you have to worry about is a papercut!

[flashystyle]

Being knowledgeable and being clever are two entirely different traits! I have both the ability to absorb from books and the ability to apply it wittily when pressed, while you must have neither!

[He exhales in annoyance, but rolls his shoulders to stand taller. Which isn't much, since Richard's taller than him.]

You think I can't handle standing around in armor all day? Fine. We switch places for one.

[tummyflowers]

Oh, that's how you want it, huh? A swapsies? A switch-about? A shoes off and on and all around marathon? A non-metaphorical swapping of occupations for a day? Alright, you're on!

[Richard straightens his shoulders to his full height! So he's already winning by just a little bit!]

[flashystyle]

Using words that mean the same thing doesn't mean you're saying anything more clever.

[Dorian narrows his eyes, casually leaning on the counter to stand on his toes.]

Here are the ground rules: We both have an entire day to make use of our positions. You can use the time to make something out of the materials from our samples, like a potion, or a utility! And I... have to catch a criminal, or stop a grand theft. Is that fair?

[tummyflowers]

[This is that moment where Richard is really glad that he never told Dorian that his job was in the armory and that all those patrols he talked about were purely voluntary. Hoo boy.]

Alright, but we're going full trade off. That means I have to take your stick and you have to take my sword.

[The sword that is, incidentally, the Sword of Heroes. Richard is hoping it might get stuck in something just to cause Dorian a headache, but that's probably unlikely.]

[flashystyle]

[Dorian opens his mouth to protest, then catches himself. No, he's not fussy over a technicality. He can... use... a sword. Right.]

Fair enough. But if they're anything but pristine on their return, the other owes the owner a drink.

[tummyflowers]

Well, better get ready to pay up, because your rod will be coming back polished to perfection.

[Yeah, give him a second.]