001: that time richard made a post on that network thing (video)

[tummyflowers]

[On the feed appears a man! No, not a man, a king. And his username is real_life_actual_king, since that's kind of important. Although often an informal unit, Richard is decked out in the standard issue armor and helmet of the Royal Guard. It's polished to perfection. He clears his throat.]

Hello all, it's me. I'm Kind Richard with the disclaimer that the name is intentionally ironic. I've just returned from the beach, which was just fantastic. I had a great time, all around. Never did get to see that fighting pit I kept hearing about, but a really good time altogether. And how about that train, am I right? Talk about posh.

Anyway, I wanted to give people a bit of a heads up. I'm with the Royal Guard and by now, kind of a venerated veteran of sorts, I wanted to let people know that we are still recruiting. Mind you, I'm not doing the recruiting! This is more of an information awareness announcement, since you'll have to speak directly to the Commander. A tad inefficient on her part, I'll grant you, but delegation is not her strongest suit. But you tell them that your old pal Rick sent you and you'll be well on your way to making this city a better, safer place to live. Also, you'll get paid for it, so that's a nice little bonus as well. Once you're in, you can have a talk with me. I run the armory, so I'll get you hooked up with the same kind of trendy fashion you see on display right now.

Now, unrelated to this whole business of being a guard, I wanted to open the floor to people who may have had experiences like I have had. If you've recently loss your kingdom and seat of power and been reduced to living the life of a meaningless and inconsequential peasant, then you're talking to someone who's been there. It's not easy, believe me. I've gone through a number of musical numbers just trying to cope with it. But if you need someone to talk to, then I'm there for you. You don't have to suffer alone anymore.

I think that's about it. Now, how the hell do I stop this from recording? Is this it?

Ah, good. That was easier than I thought. I think I did pretty well with the whole psycho-therapeutic mentoring thing there at the end, eh Tad Cooper? Really inspired some hope in those poor hopeless sods. Hm? The light's still on? Oh hell.

Maybe if I just... and then... okay, I'll just-!

[And like that, the message ends. Finally.]

Comments

[tummyflowers]

Well, I mean, that's why I said and. He's really got both of them going for him. Lots of confidence, lots of fear, a very manly musk. Sort of the whole package.

[wallofbriggs]

Sounds like a real catch.

[Just so flat...]

[tummyflowers]

Oh... oh god, I'm sorry, did you get the wrong impression? I'm pretty sure he's taken. I mean, it's with my evil bitch ex-wife, but still.

[wallofbriggs]

[Some people just aren't good at sarcasm are they?]

I'll survive the disappointment somehow.

[Mainly by never thinking about it again. Not that she was in the first place.]

That says a lot more about you than it does him.

[tummyflowers]

Really? Because, I really like Gareth, but I feel a little betrayed about the fact he took my wife and my kingdom. I feel it sort of says maybe a smidge more about him than me?

[wallofbriggs]

He has bad taste in women and didn't learn from your mistakes. That is if she really is evil and that's not you putting her down for being your ex.

[Aren't all powerful women and those men dislike called bitch? She's not going to question that one.]

[tummyflowers]

She literally usurped my kingdom. So she could marry my much older brother. Who she then killed.

[So yeah. Basically evil.]

[wallofbriggs]

Like I said, he should have learned from your mistakes.

[tummyflowers]

Fair enough. You've got him there. His bad.

[wallofbriggs]

The question now is... What did you learn from it?

[tummyflowers]

Um. Don't marry power hungry peasant girls who only like you for your castle?

[wallofbriggs]

[She's going to break tradition here and not point out how stupid it is that he needed to learn that in the first place.]

Is everyone in the guard like you?

[In need of a firm hand and stern leadership apparently.]

[tummyflowers]

Oh, like me? No, not really. I mean, some are pretty good natured and easy to get on with. But you get some really serious and intense fellows running around. Absolutely no sense of humor.

[He found that out the hard way when he and Magnus conducted their secret training exercises.]