video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[vorrutyer]

A good lawyer is supposed to be able to do the impossible. But it seems you're limited only to the possible...

[cykedelic]

When my client is innocent, I'm willing to pull out all the stops! But, you are anything but innocent.

[ Well then. ]

[vorrutyer]

And what am I guilty of, esteemed mademoiselle?

[cykedelic]

We already covered this... [ She just sounds exasperated now. ] Lying.

[vorrutyer]

And whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? You yourself admitted you can't prove me guilty of lying, correct? But you still assume me to be guilty...

[cykedelic]

It's not like I'm taking you to court over this. [ Just this face tbh. ] Besides, if you were really innocent, you'd cooperate! That's usually how it goes.

[vorrutyer]

Oh, I don't believe that for a second. People have a multitude of reasons to lie.

[cykedelic]

[ Her lips twitch at that. ]

They might do, but my coworkers and I have safeguards against that. We can usually tell when someone is lying.

[ Phoenix, especially, has that 100% covered. Apollo's own trick is pretty on target as well. Athena's only fooled by Professionals - people who lie so expertedly it's a rarity. ]

[vorrutyer]

Yes, yes, your little...gidget, was it?

[cykedelic]

It helps me, sure. But it isn't only that. [ She lifts her hand to play with her earring. ] I can hear a person's emotions after all. Someone who lies is usually worried about being caught out and that ends up projected into their voice.

[vorrutyer]

I see. So tell me, dear mademoiselle, do I sound worried to you?

[ He does not. ]

[cykedelic]

No. But if a person knows how to control their emotions well, they can hide it. [ She isn't above admitting that now. ] It's more common among people whose emotions don't spike all that much and keep fairly level all the time.

[vorrutyer]

Ah, but that doesn't describe me at all. I'm a tempestuous, hot-blooded nobleman. We're always angry.

[cykedelic]

Hmm, that's funny... because you don't sound angry at all.

[ Which is a little more unsettling than she's letting on as well, but it's something to make a mental note of. He's the one who declared it after all, he brought that inconsistency on himself. ]

[vorrutyer]

Ah. Let me try again, then. I'm a sensitive, sad-eyed poet, so I'm always on the verge of tears.

[cykedelic]

[ Her eyes narrow at him. ]

You don't sound sad either.

[vorrutyer]

Then I'm a musician constantly brimming over with joy.

[cykedelic]

You do realise the more you try and tell me what I should be hearing, the more suspicious you sound?

[ aka, nope, not that either you punk. ]

[vorrutyer]

The more suspicious I sound? What do you suspect me of, mademoiselle?

[cykedelic]

[ Just... drops her head onto the table with a groan. ]

Lying. Stop making me go in circles!

[vorrutyer]

All right, and let me ask you this: why do you care, dear Athena?

[cykedelic]

You're the one asking me to prove something that isn't a possibility when the person in question keeps lying.

[ She slams her hand on the table in front of herself. ]

Don't make it sound like I'm not good at my job when you're being infuriating.

[vorrutyer]

Ah, but isn't this just good practice? For when you're dealing with infuriating witnesses? Really, I'm doing you a favor here.

[cykedelic]

The difference is that this isn't a courtroom... I'm more than willing to give you a smack right now.

[ ah. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ He winks at her. ]

You'll have to find me first.