video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[motivation]

Emperor, is it?

[ ah, well. ]

All right, I'll play. [ and like he doesn't already know things about her: ] I'm Dutch, I like guns and drinks and kicking arse.

Now write me something pretty.

[vorrutyer]

There once was a woman named Dutch,
Who had the most magical touch.
At her merest mention,
Men stood to attention,
But was she merciful? No. Not so much.

[ He grins at her and sweeps her a bow. ]

Esteemed Dutch. I fear it ended up a little romantic - should I write one more in tribute to your ferocity?

[motivation]

Hells.

[ dutch does a slow clap, but her wide grin betrays her pleasure at this little work of art. ] At least you didn't make me the swooning type.

[ and ]

Depends. Are you feeling inspired?

[vorrutyer]

Hm.

[ He taps his chin a moment, then launches into - ]

A woman you shouldn't annoy
Is out there and killing for joy.
She'll willingly shoot
If you're between her and her loot
But she's beloved by the hoi-polloi.

[motivation]

Impressive.

[ see also: entertaining. which is what she really means to say. the tilt of her head and the smile playing around her lips still indicate as much. ]

And here I was thinking your tongue was only good for one thing.

[vorrutyer]

[ A laugh, and a bow. ]

No, no, it's dedicated to many causes. As passionate and as multitalented as I am myself. But I am very pleased to have pleased you.

[motivation]

[ dutch hums her assent. this has been fun and all.

but — ] Still bored?

[vorrutyer]

Why, offering to help?

[motivation]

Fancy a spar?

[vorrutyer]

I assume that's code for a bedroom spar, and that you're not asking me to actually fight.

[motivation]

And here I was looking forward to putting you through your paces.

[ honestly? either option works for dutch. ]

[vorrutyer]

Esteemed Dutch, you've seen me naked. I'm positively willowy. Do you really think I'd be a match for someone like you?

[motivation]

No.

[ but then, dutch thinks hardly anyone is a match for her, and she's generally not very wrong about that. khlyen trained her well, no matter what else there is to say about him. ]

That's the fun part.

[vorrutyer]

Breaking me in two? Why, how borderline sadistic.

[ He debates internally a moment. But, well...What could be the harm? He has a story prepared as to why he knows to fight - all Barrayarans learn. So... ]

Count me in.

[motivation]

Holding out on me? Or are you just more masochistic than I thought?

[vorrutyer]

Which answer would give you more pleasure?

[motivation]

[ the first. ]

The truth.

[vorrutyer]

Really. I didn't know you were that sort of person - getting pleasure just from being told something true. Should I write you another limerick? Give you a real thrill?

[ Then - ]

A Vor does not grow up without learning at least the basics of combat.

[motivation]

That's promising.

[ he mentions the vor a lot. enough to make a girl curious.

dutch isn't that kind of person, not really. but there are discrepancies between what she says and what she means often enough. most of them are deliberate and not because she's fooling herself about who or what she is. ]

[vorrutyer]

So is that an invitation?

[motivation]

To let me punch you anyway? Hells yes.

[vorrutyer]

Well - then, against my better judgment...Where shall we meet?

[motivation]

There's a dojo in the city. I'll meet you there.

[vorrutyer]

I'll look forward to it.

[ And he shows up - dressed a little inappropriately, in shirtsleeves and trousers, but that's simply how By dresses, it seems. He has an ironic little smile, and bows to her with elaborate courtesy, saying - ]

Esteemed madam.

[motivation]

[ dutch, meanwhile, is wearing only a sports bra and tights. she's been working the punching bag hanging from the ceiling for a while now, but when byerly shows up and bows, she stops. ]

Aren't we past the formal shit by now?