Text -|- un: nunya

[assholic]

Looking for work.

Previous Experience: phone operator, temporary office assistant, fast food worker, college bartender, sandwich board holder, private investigator, professional asshole.

Skills: owns own camera, capable of tolerating other assholes, not too up my own ass to do dirty work.

Special Skills: Specifics given upon request if I damn well feel like it.

Contact with offers. Anything related to strip clubs will result in learning how quickly I can track you down and hurt you with my special skills.

Comments

[assholic]

... Nope. You lost me. But, let's pretend this part of the conversation never happened and you fill me in on what the deal is and what you expect me to do.

I'm Jessica Jones, by the way.

[godwins]

Alright. My name is James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky to my friends, and to everyone else.

[ He hesitates, a moment, but takes a sip of his drink to cover it up. ]

The person I'm lookin' into— is also James Buchanan Barnes.

[assholic]

Well, that's a little bit too much of a coincidence for me to brush off. Not to mention, I've already met the other Bucky. So what is it, you guys related? Bucky Jr.?

[godwins]

I am James Barnes Jr., but not because of him.

[ A bit of a glare. His father isn't a sore subject, exactly, but it isn't what he wants to talk about right now. ]

The other guy. What was he like?

[assholic]

This like some kind of weird reality version pulling a John Smith?

[Because how many James 'Bucky' Buchanan Barnes could there be? Honestly, Bucky. Gosh.]

Can't really say too much. We rode in a boat over. He was mostly quiet. Gave directions. Killed a sea snake with me. Points to him for not throwing me overboard to it.

[godwins]

[ He blinks. ]

Well, I can't see how that would've helped with the snake.

[ You don't look heavy enough to weigh a thing like that down, Jessica. ]

Nah, we're related, but not like that.

[ Maybe it isn't obvious. It was obvious to some people. He moved his hand round his face, as if that might make the whole thing fit sense. ]

[assholic]

[She frowned, a memory starting to drift back up into her thoughts.]

Wait a minute. Bucky. Bucky Barnes? Isn't that the bff of Captain Star Spangled Booty Shorts? I remember seeing something about him on the news. That's why he looked so goddamn familiar.

[godwins]

[ Is this the face of someone who knows what bff means? Even the words he does understand in that sentence he has a bit of a time putting together. ]

Do you mean Captain America? You've heard of him?

[assholic]

Of course I do. Him and the little boy band broke New York.

[godwins]

You mean, Namor and the Torch? 'Cause they feel pretty bad about that. Alright, only the Torch does, but Namor's at least gotten better at picking his targets. And you can't get too cross with someone who ain't all there, if you know what I mean.

[assholic]

Who? No. The flag waver, big green, thunder pants, and the iron asshole.

[godwins]

[ Okay, none of those names make sense, except for the last one. ]

Iron Cross?

[ Iron Cross is a Nazi. ]

Steve would never work with anyone like that.

[assholic]

You are so on the wrong page, buddy. Iron Man. Tony Stark. Billionaire playboy with a drinking problem.

[Said the super powered drunk girl.]

[godwins]

[ He doesn't even know Howard Stark! ]

Could be German. [ He says, talking almost to himself. ] Stark's German, means strong.

[ And saying that brings out a stuffed-down memory in him, too, and something sparks in his eyes, and he takes another, longer drink. ]

Okay, I think I know who you're talking about. I dunno how it matters, though. We were talking about me.

[assholic]

... No, I mean Tony Stark of New York. Your buddy boy got unfrozen and started waving his flag around as soon as the ice melted. Then there was the thunder god and his asshole brother who got aliens to invade... That was a special kind of dick move.

[She sipped her beer, watching Bucky trying to sort through things before giving up.]

You're you, and he's him. Is he you? Or is he related? And what's this fixation with Germans?

[Sorry, Bucky, but this was her first instance of multiple realities of the same world and doubles.]

[godwins]

Tony Stark. Dark hair, sorta a questionable Errol Flynn mustache, spends a lot of time feelin' sorry for himself.

[ He sinks down further into the booth, but looks to Jessica for confirmation. That's the Tony Stark she means, right? ]

[assholic]

That would be him. Throws money at the problems and considers himself the overlord controller of anyone with abilities. From what I hear, he spearheaded the Sokovia Accords, and let's just say I'm slightly pissed off at the fact that it's always the people that have no fucking clue that decide they know what's best for another group of individuals.

[godwins]

I dunno about any of that. [ He shakes his head. ] I only met him once. And that was a long story.

[ Another sip of his drink, but he sits up a little straighter. ]

Maybe I oughta start at the beginning.

[assholic]

Usually a good place to start. Unless it's 'and then there was a tunnel of light and a man in a white coat pulled me out of my mom'.

We can skip going that far back.

[godwins]

You're from my world, or something close to it, and this is all top secret stuff. I hate blowing my cover, but I don't think it matters, no more, so— here goes.

When I was… younger [ he says, looking all of eighteen ], the U.S. Army gave me a long talking to and a special assignment. They shipped me off to Scotland and trained me special for months, and when I got back to Camp Lehigh they told me I was gonna be Captain America's partner. [ It had been a hell of a thing. Steve wasn't wearing the uniform, just watching him practice in the jeep, with one of the generals. But when Bucky saw him, he just knew who he had to be. ]

That was when I first met him. And when I figured out that we weren't gonna be staying out of the war for very long.

The year was 1941, if you're paying attention.

[assholic]

I am, and I'm going to also point out I don't remember it being written down that way. There's a goddamn museum dedicated to Captain America, and the Bucky I met before is in it.

You... I mean, I know that he was frozen for a while, but it seems really messed up if there were two Bucky's in the same time period. So I'm assuming this has something to do with that? Or is this a different... that?

[She was trying, Bucky. This was all a little over what she was used to. Ask her about undead ninja assassins. Go on. Ask her.]

[godwins]

I left in '45, so I'm all outta whatever you're talking about. About being frozen, or museums, or…

[ Well, whatever else. ]

But— and I gotta say, this is all way above my paygrade— one time someone wished us into the future. And that's how I met Tony Stark. There were two of me, then, though I didn't meet the other one.

And then after that, the Red Skull got a hold of the cosmic cube, and cut up the whole timeline so that the Nazis won. So that they were speaking Kraut in New York! The whole bit.

[ He takes another sip of his beer. ]

[assholic]

And I thought Trump winning was bad. Enh...

[She had to think about that one; Trump vs the Nazis. Would it really be that different?

Scary contemplations.]

Okay, so what does this have to do with the other Bucky I met?

[godwins]

[ It was pretty different. ]

Well, because he's all wrong. Maybe he's from the timeline where the Nazis won.

[assholic]

And what if he is? What are you planning on doing about it? Kill him? Because I gotta say, buddy, I don't exactly hate him. I'm not an assassin.