Text -|- un: nunya

[assholic]

Looking for work.

Previous Experience: phone operator, temporary office assistant, fast food worker, college bartender, sandwich board holder, private investigator, professional asshole.

Skills: owns own camera, capable of tolerating other assholes, not too up my own ass to do dirty work.

Special Skills: Specifics given upon request if I damn well feel like it.

Contact with offers. Anything related to strip clubs will result in learning how quickly I can track you down and hurt you with my special skills.

Comments

[godwins]

What? No.

[ He shakes his head. It's clear enough that he means it. ]

Criminy, I would never hire an assassin. 'Specially not… Well, I wouldn't.

[assholic]

Right. So what is it you want to know? If this is the same Bucky that came from the same place I'm from, I can guarantee you he's not from some nazi winning world. I remember seeing him in the news. He looks the same. Even down to the whole metal arm thing. So, what do you want to know about a guy that should technically be dead, or really, really old, who's also friends with someone else who should be dead but wound up frozen in ice?

[godwins]

[ He looks at Jessica. ]

You don't see what I would wanna know from that?

[ A pause, and his head turns. Maybe it's not obvious. There's purplish stain on the table that suddenly become very interesting. It holds all of his gaze. ]

Something happened to him. I can just— I can tell. [ And it's more because he can recognize PTSD from his own wartime experiences than some mystical cross-universe link, though Bucky's instincts aren't necessarily fine enough to hone the difference. ]

And if something happened to him… [ Maybe he was doomed, too. He, himself. Whatever. ]

[assholic]

... So you're telling me that you think that the guy I rowed across with is... you. Only maybe a nazi you. Which I know-- no, I believe he isn't, so you what, want me to tell you where he went wrong?

He joined the fucking army, buddy. He was the best friend of a super soldier who went to go fight the nazis. He was presumed dead.

[godwins]

A lotta people joined the army. They don't come out like that. Something happened.

[ He's sure of that, but he's not sure how much of it is really his beeswax to go poking around in, so he glances towards the table, where he's holding his hands. Just for a second, mind you, the space of a blink. It's all his beeswax, isn't it? ]

You said he was presumed dead.

[assholic]

Something always happens.

[She drank her own drink, knowing she was probably going to need a lot more for a conversation like this.]

That's what the museum said. On some mission before Spanx hit the iceberg, Bucky, which is going to get fucking confusing trying to keep track of you two, fell off a train. I remember Trish getting all hot to trot over it and digging into it after the Incident.

[godwins]

[ The idea of dying doesn't bother him. It's not that he hasn't seen a whole lot of death, and dealt more than his fair share of it. But— even being up close and personal, he never thought it would happen to him, not really, not in a way that went to the bone. Still, objectively, he appreciated that he did a lot of stuff that oughta get himself waxed. ]

He fell off of a train. [ Repeating this. ] Do you know when that happened? A date?

[assholic]

Nope. Before the war ended, obviously. Studying up on Captain Sexypants and his brigade wasn't more than a blip in my history texts, and it seems history got it fucking wrong.

You'd be better off asking him yourself. Weird or not, I'd like to know if there's another version of me running around with a different life experience.

[godwins]

The Invaders. Not "Captain Sexpants and his brigade." [ He feels obligated to correct you, Jessica, even if here he happens to be wrong. Anyway: ]

He knows who I am.

[assholic]

... No. It'd be the Howling Commandos, actually, but I think that just clarifies my... past or whatever isn't the same as yours. Sucks that Tony Stark's in both of them. Asshole.

So... What do you want me to do?

[godwins]

Oh, yeah, I know who they are too. [ His tone is non-committal. He's had a lot of team-ups. ]

I just— I wanna figure out what's wrong with him. Or at least make sure he isn't gonna hurt nobody. [ Because people do. He's seen it go south a dozen times before. And if his other self is anything like him, well, he'd be very good at hurting people. ]

[assholic]

Look... I'm not a shrink. I can only tell you what I see him do, not what he's thinking or what happened. You want to know that shit? Ask him. Because if you want me to find out, that's exactly what's going to happen. 'Yo, Bucky. Other you wants to know if you're a homicidal rage monkey.'

[godwins]

[ There's a level on which he knows you're right, Jessica, but on a level deeper than that he's too scared to ask. And another part of him thinks: ]

Well, maybe he wouldn't tell it to me.

[ Not exactly an argument for, buddy. ]

[assholic]

And what makes you think he'd tell it to me? Maybe he'll get the whole 'Don't want to travel down the same road' bullshit. I don't know. This is a bit out of my wheelhouse.

I mean, you can hire me to follow him if you want, but I can guarantee you right now, I'm not going to be able to tell you what you want to know.

[godwins]

That's why you mount an attack on multiple fronts.

[ Basic strategy. Right? He takes another sip of his drink— he's just about done with it. And it hasn't steeled his nerves any, or made him more sure of nothing. ]

[assholic]

Except this isn't a war. This is a personal matter involving you and... fuck, yourself. Whatever bullshit you think may have happened is clearly not going to happen on a planet in another goddamn reality - [She lowered her voice and hissed that, eyes skipping around to make sure there was no one near enough to hear that.] - so try again. I'm a PI. I track people. I find information. I do not sit down and find out if someone is having warm fuzzies or cold pricklies over something. You want to know that? Grow a pair and ask him yourself.

If it were me, and let's just be happy it's not, I'd be more pissed someone hired someone to spy on me to find out something they could ask.

[godwins]

Yeah, of course. [ He hasn't not thought of that. ] That's why you hire someone discreet.

[ Bucky isn't exactly a spy, but he sure grows up to be one. His sense of privacy is all warped from the years of military service.

Still, he appreciates that this was a bad idea. ]

You're wrong about the other thing, though. They can send us back.

[assholic]

Look, kid, whatever you're worried about growing up to be, talk to your older self. Consider that a solid piece of advice from an adult.

[She finished her drink and waved for another.]

I'd heard that. I also know they've got someone I give a shit about up there, and I'm not looking to screw her over more than she's already been.

[godwins]

I'm not a kid.

[ He tries to put some weight into it, something sharp and brassy, but this far in, all that comes out is tired. ]

And I'm not lookin' to get you or anyone else in trouble. Whatever they are, that's above my pay grade. I'm just saying, s'all. [ He is pretty sure they could put him or anyone else back where he came from any time they wanted. Who knows how it works. How can he have been to the future if the world ended in 1945? These are all things a person learns not to think about too hard. ]

[assholic]

[Her look said it all. 'Sure you're not', it said, Jessica leaning back as the server came to take her empty glass and set a fresh one in front of her.]

So talk to him. You're complicating an already tricky situation when you can just grow a pair and deal with it to his face.

[godwins]

[ In Bucky's estimation, he hasn't been a kid since he was 16 years old, and he got shipped off to Europe. He polishes off the rest of glass and stares at the bottom, glumly, unsure if he wants another. Part of being a grown-up is not getting drunk, even though he could. ]

I heard you the first four times. [ He doesn't have a response that's appropriate for a lady's ears. ]

It's a crack-up, though. If you can pick from everywhere, why in Sam Hill would you pick two of me? I'm nobody special.

[assholic]

It's better than two of me. And who knows, maybe there's more. You could always ask the assholes above, if you're that worried.

[Jessica was more into the direct approach than the subtle one. Just getting up in someone's face would usually get her answers better than beating around the bush.]

[godwins]

Oh really? 'Cause it seems like you've got it all figured out.

[ He'd asked the Nathans his one favor already, though of course, he'd thought about asking more. Still, his experience was: ]

Command's never gonna answer any questions it doesn't have to. I'm pretty sure it's like that in every universe.

[assholic]

Please. I don't have shit figured out. I'm just willing to admit it.

[She sipped at her drink, thinking she might change to something harder soon. This conversation was giving her a headache.]

Command. Jesus, kid. You make it sound like we all signed up for this and agreed to any of this shit. I didn't. Only reason I'm not up there now is because they have someone to hold over my head.

[godwins]

[ He tilts his head. ]

You think everyone who's in the Army volunteered? [ He sure did, but there had been a draft. ]