Text -|- un: nunya

[assholic]

Looking for work.

Previous Experience: phone operator, temporary office assistant, fast food worker, college bartender, sandwich board holder, private investigator, professional asshole.

Skills: owns own camera, capable of tolerating other assholes, not too up my own ass to do dirty work.

Special Skills: Specifics given upon request if I damn well feel like it.

Contact with offers. Anything related to strip clubs will result in learning how quickly I can track you down and hurt you with my special skills.

Comments

[godwins]

[ Okay, none of those names make sense, except for the last one. ]

Iron Cross?

[ Iron Cross is a Nazi. ]

Steve would never work with anyone like that.

[assholic]

You are so on the wrong page, buddy. Iron Man. Tony Stark. Billionaire playboy with a drinking problem.

[Said the super powered drunk girl.]

[godwins]

[ He doesn't even know Howard Stark! ]

Could be German. [ He says, talking almost to himself. ] Stark's German, means strong.

[ And saying that brings out a stuffed-down memory in him, too, and something sparks in his eyes, and he takes another, longer drink. ]

Okay, I think I know who you're talking about. I dunno how it matters, though. We were talking about me.

[assholic]

... No, I mean Tony Stark of New York. Your buddy boy got unfrozen and started waving his flag around as soon as the ice melted. Then there was the thunder god and his asshole brother who got aliens to invade... That was a special kind of dick move.

[She sipped her beer, watching Bucky trying to sort through things before giving up.]

You're you, and he's him. Is he you? Or is he related? And what's this fixation with Germans?

[Sorry, Bucky, but this was her first instance of multiple realities of the same world and doubles.]

[godwins]

Tony Stark. Dark hair, sorta a questionable Errol Flynn mustache, spends a lot of time feelin' sorry for himself.

[ He sinks down further into the booth, but looks to Jessica for confirmation. That's the Tony Stark she means, right? ]

[assholic]

That would be him. Throws money at the problems and considers himself the overlord controller of anyone with abilities. From what I hear, he spearheaded the Sokovia Accords, and let's just say I'm slightly pissed off at the fact that it's always the people that have no fucking clue that decide they know what's best for another group of individuals.

[godwins]

I dunno about any of that. [ He shakes his head. ] I only met him once. And that was a long story.

[ Another sip of his drink, but he sits up a little straighter. ]

Maybe I oughta start at the beginning.

[assholic]

Usually a good place to start. Unless it's 'and then there was a tunnel of light and a man in a white coat pulled me out of my mom'.

We can skip going that far back.

[godwins]

You're from my world, or something close to it, and this is all top secret stuff. I hate blowing my cover, but I don't think it matters, no more, so— here goes.

When I was… younger [ he says, looking all of eighteen ], the U.S. Army gave me a long talking to and a special assignment. They shipped me off to Scotland and trained me special for months, and when I got back to Camp Lehigh they told me I was gonna be Captain America's partner. [ It had been a hell of a thing. Steve wasn't wearing the uniform, just watching him practice in the jeep, with one of the generals. But when Bucky saw him, he just knew who he had to be. ]

That was when I first met him. And when I figured out that we weren't gonna be staying out of the war for very long.

The year was 1941, if you're paying attention.

[assholic]

I am, and I'm going to also point out I don't remember it being written down that way. There's a goddamn museum dedicated to Captain America, and the Bucky I met before is in it.

You... I mean, I know that he was frozen for a while, but it seems really messed up if there were two Bucky's in the same time period. So I'm assuming this has something to do with that? Or is this a different... that?

[She was trying, Bucky. This was all a little over what she was used to. Ask her about undead ninja assassins. Go on. Ask her.]

[godwins]

I left in '45, so I'm all outta whatever you're talking about. About being frozen, or museums, or…

[ Well, whatever else. ]

But— and I gotta say, this is all way above my paygrade— one time someone wished us into the future. And that's how I met Tony Stark. There were two of me, then, though I didn't meet the other one.

And then after that, the Red Skull got a hold of the cosmic cube, and cut up the whole timeline so that the Nazis won. So that they were speaking Kraut in New York! The whole bit.

[ He takes another sip of his beer. ]

[assholic]

And I thought Trump winning was bad. Enh...

[She had to think about that one; Trump vs the Nazis. Would it really be that different?

Scary contemplations.]

Okay, so what does this have to do with the other Bucky I met?

[godwins]

[ It was pretty different. ]

Well, because he's all wrong. Maybe he's from the timeline where the Nazis won.

[assholic]

And what if he is? What are you planning on doing about it? Kill him? Because I gotta say, buddy, I don't exactly hate him. I'm not an assassin.

[godwins]

What? No.

[ He shakes his head. It's clear enough that he means it. ]

Criminy, I would never hire an assassin. 'Specially not… Well, I wouldn't.

[assholic]

Right. So what is it you want to know? If this is the same Bucky that came from the same place I'm from, I can guarantee you he's not from some nazi winning world. I remember seeing him in the news. He looks the same. Even down to the whole metal arm thing. So, what do you want to know about a guy that should technically be dead, or really, really old, who's also friends with someone else who should be dead but wound up frozen in ice?

[godwins]

[ He looks at Jessica. ]

You don't see what I would wanna know from that?

[ A pause, and his head turns. Maybe it's not obvious. There's purplish stain on the table that suddenly become very interesting. It holds all of his gaze. ]

Something happened to him. I can just— I can tell. [ And it's more because he can recognize PTSD from his own wartime experiences than some mystical cross-universe link, though Bucky's instincts aren't necessarily fine enough to hone the difference. ]

And if something happened to him… [ Maybe he was doomed, too. He, himself. Whatever. ]

[assholic]

... So you're telling me that you think that the guy I rowed across with is... you. Only maybe a nazi you. Which I know-- no, I believe he isn't, so you what, want me to tell you where he went wrong?

He joined the fucking army, buddy. He was the best friend of a super soldier who went to go fight the nazis. He was presumed dead.

[godwins]

A lotta people joined the army. They don't come out like that. Something happened.

[ He's sure of that, but he's not sure how much of it is really his beeswax to go poking around in, so he glances towards the table, where he's holding his hands. Just for a second, mind you, the space of a blink. It's all his beeswax, isn't it? ]

You said he was presumed dead.

[assholic]

Something always happens.

[She drank her own drink, knowing she was probably going to need a lot more for a conversation like this.]

That's what the museum said. On some mission before Spanx hit the iceberg, Bucky, which is going to get fucking confusing trying to keep track of you two, fell off a train. I remember Trish getting all hot to trot over it and digging into it after the Incident.

[godwins]

[ The idea of dying doesn't bother him. It's not that he hasn't seen a whole lot of death, and dealt more than his fair share of it. But— even being up close and personal, he never thought it would happen to him, not really, not in a way that went to the bone. Still, objectively, he appreciated that he did a lot of stuff that oughta get himself waxed. ]

He fell off of a train. [ Repeating this. ] Do you know when that happened? A date?

[assholic]

Nope. Before the war ended, obviously. Studying up on Captain Sexypants and his brigade wasn't more than a blip in my history texts, and it seems history got it fucking wrong.

You'd be better off asking him yourself. Weird or not, I'd like to know if there's another version of me running around with a different life experience.

[godwins]

The Invaders. Not "Captain Sexpants and his brigade." [ He feels obligated to correct you, Jessica, even if here he happens to be wrong. Anyway: ]

He knows who I am.

[assholic]

... No. It'd be the Howling Commandos, actually, but I think that just clarifies my... past or whatever isn't the same as yours. Sucks that Tony Stark's in both of them. Asshole.

So... What do you want me to do?

[godwins]

Oh, yeah, I know who they are too. [ His tone is non-committal. He's had a lot of team-ups. ]

I just— I wanna figure out what's wrong with him. Or at least make sure he isn't gonna hurt nobody. [ Because people do. He's seen it go south a dozen times before. And if his other self is anything like him, well, he'd be very good at hurting people. ]