video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[vorrutyer]

Actually, my little lioness, it was alcohol.

[illuminescent]

I see I'm not the only one with sauce.

[vorrutyer]

[ A laugh. ]

Too true! Too true. In any case - yes, it was boredom, as well as general desire. I find alcohol very pleasant, even when I'm not bored.

[illuminescent]

Well. It does well enough, but I much prefer a gallop through the woods, if I must be asked.

[vorrutyer]

Oh, you ride?

[illuminescent]

Oh yes. Do you?

[vorrutyer]

I fear horses terribly, but I was tied to the back of one until I didn't make a fool of myself when I was younger, yes. The Vor are expected to ride.

[illuminescent]

You fear-

Horses?

But. Really? I mean to say. I can see a man fearing a unicorn, or perhaps fearing those dreadful southern camels, but horses are quite lovely!

[vorrutyer]

They bite! And kick. And when you're atop one, you're very far from the ground.

[illuminescent]

We should give you a sturdy and friendly pony, then.

[vorrutyer]

Lionne, you want to kill me with humiliation, don't you!

[illuminescent]

Well, as you cannot keep up with me in either situation, I should simply think to make you comfortable, sir.

And as it is, I do not think you take to humiliation. I think you are the manner of man to make the best of yourself in all scenarios.

[vorrutyer]

Ah.

[ He presses a hand to his chest. ]

You wouldn't be saying that if you'd seen me running naked through Vorbarr Sultana.

[illuminescent]

I am rather sure that if I had seen you run naked anywhere I would be far too embarrassed to ever say anything to you again.

[vorrutyer]

That would be terrible, dear Lionne. Don't even propose that sad fate. Please.

[illuminescent]

Whyever do you call me that?

[vorrutyer]

Well, because you are a lioness.

[illuminescent]

Well. Yes. That is true. Is that what it means?

[vorrutyer]

En francais, oui.

[illuminescent]

Oh! French!

[She has no idea how she knows that.]

[vorrutyer]

Indeed, dear heart. French. I hope it doesn't offend you.

[illuminescent]

Not at all, my lord. I'm afraid to say I do not know any language save this one. And perhaps some words in Calormen.

[vorrutyer]

In...what, now?

[illuminescent]

In Calormen. A kingdom to the south of Narnia, it is ruled by the Tisroc.

[vorrutyer]

Ah, history.

[ He sighs. ]

It always did escape me.