video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[vorrutyer]

I scarcely know you. I wouldn't dare to guess.

[ Not actually a lie - Sirius is still rather unpredictable to him. But he smiles like he's mocking Sirius and actually knows the answer. ]

[doggo]

[Oh, well.]

Perhaps we'll become friends, and you'll get to know me better.

[vorrutyer]

Why on earth did that sound sarcastic, dear Sirius? I'd quite like to be friends.

[doggo]

I don't know why. It won't get you anything.

[vorrutyer]

[ With a light sort of wryness: ]

Yes, of course. What benefit could I possibly derive from having a magical friend?

[doggo]

As I understand it, there's plenty of people who can use magic. I suspect you'll find someone to fill the void in your heart, possibly with a well-crafted spell.

[vorrutyer]

Is this playing coy? Hard-to-get? Dear fellow, I'll recite the reasons I like you if you insist upon it. In verse if necessary.

[doggo]

What makes you think I reciprocate your interest? Do a verse on your virtues. If it's good enough, I might reconsider.

[vorrutyer]

My virtues? Fellow, no one likes me for my virtues. It's my vices that entice.

[doggo]

[Sirius huffs a laugh.]

In addition to finding cheap whiskey?

[vorrutyer]

Yes, I do have that skill. Is that a virtue or a vice, would you say?

[doggo]

Depends on what side you're on. Personally, I'd put it in the virtue category, brief as it is for now.

[vorrutyer]

My, my. Such generosity. Such charity. That is, actually, a virtue of mine in general, I'd say - I'm a particularly good finder.

[doggo]

[Wouldn't have thought Vorrutyer for a Hufflepuff but yeah ok]

Is that so. What else can you find me?

[vorrutyer]

[ ravenclaw for life ]

What does your heart desire?

[doggo]

Cigarettes that don't taste like socks?

[vorrutyer]

I'll see what can be done.