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[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, dear fellow, I can take a bit more detail than that.

In Harmonia, there's a strict caste system. Only a certain caste is allowed a to use a gun, and then only after the gun has chosen them.

[ Eh, mostly true. He looks at his (gloved) hand, as if he were inspecting a manicure. ]

Of course, there's another reason I don't fight duels.

That reason being...?

I think they're stupid.

Oh, you'll hear no disagreement here. But they're so romantic, don't you think?

Edited 2017-09-25 02:36 (UTC)

Not everyone's idea of romance involves bleeding to death. [ Not that he would really know. ] I think most prefer to be left at the point of pleasant lightheadedness.

Hm. Well - doesn't your country have armies, though?

Not anymore. Does yours?

[ Ah. The slightest, barest hint of a flinch. Then, breezily, he waves his hand: ]

All right, yes, pedantry noted. Didn't they have armies.

Sure. Several ranks worth, I think.

And they were armed with...what, rocks?

Swords, pikes, bows, spells, duty, a sense of moral superiority…

[ Annoying spies? ]

Forgive me, perhaps I'm a bit too modern. But all of that sounds like - well - I'm not even insisting upon decent energy weapons. A simple ballistic armament will do. And completely destroy people with swords and pikes. I'm speaking from recent cultural memory, here.

[ The guns the Harmonians have are extremely early firearms— slow and inaccurate. A legion of bowmen would be better in a real battle. But he'd be blind not to admit the possibility of more effective weaponry existing somewhere. He'd seen too much here already. So he shrugs. ]

Are you saying I should learn to shoot things?

Why not? Suitable self-defense, terribly fun. Well - assuming you can break free of your religion's dictates, of course.

I am a churchgoing man. [ But also a practical one, so. ]

Do you expect me to buy you a drink in return?

You've already made it clear that's not happening. So I suppose I can do without.

[ Nah, he's not gonna give Nash any excuses. He really wants to see whether he can push Nash to break the rules. ]

I'm willing, I just have a price. Like most people, really.

[ It's not so much about "breaking the rules" as "will a crazy group of assassins kill me for this?" Signs are pointing to no, though. ]

Ah? How exciting. And what is your price, good man?

I assume you'll provide the gun. I haven't got one.

So I shall.

Then I'll bring the wine.

And where shall we meet, dear fellow?

I don't know. Where do you shoot?

[ He really doesn't know. ]

Out in the wilderness, I suppose. There probably isn't a decent target range around here.

(no subject)

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