video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly Vorrutyer is sitting in front of a piano, fingers on the keys. Byerly Vorrutyer is also, apparently, drunk. There's a bottle of brandy in front of him balanced beside the music rack that's two-thirds drained, and there's a tiny sway in his posture, and he looks sloppy - suit coat opened, shirt-collar loosened. When he speaks, his voice slurs. But as he talks, he plays Chopin beautifully, expressively. He only misses the very occasional note. ]

God help me, but this place is dull. And I know from dull. I spent an entire season - an entire season! - on the Vorinnis estate on the South Continent. If Lady Vorinnis hadn't been there to distract me with all her deliciousness, I'd have actually, literally, died of boredom. I nearly set fire to the whole taiga. Roasted all the little birdies and rabbits and peasants. Pheasants. Peasants. Whichever.

[ He sighs mournfully, casting a sorrowful glance at the camera. ]

Say, fellows, how does a man have fun around here? It's clear no one knows how to play whist, so that's out, and dueling for laughs seems tacky. I've already watched a few of you brutes bash one another's faces in, which had its charms and no doubt, but the time for that is over. I can't play bed, wed, behead with you, because you're all proles of no account and no education who wouldn't know the high-society names I mention to you. Oh!

[ He sits up a bit, stopping his playing mid-note, right before the end of the first section of the piece. What a musical anticlimax. ]

I've got one. I'll write limericks about you. Tell me a bit about yourself, and I'll write limericks. Go on, do. They'll be funny, I promise - this is one of my favorite games. Absolutely kills at parties.

[ And then, with a small bow - ]

Byerly Vorrutyer, Emperor of Barrayar, at your lyrical service.

Comments

[vorrutyer]

[ Oh. For a moment, his smile dwindles almost to nothing, and there's a little flash of uncertainty in his eye. But a moment later, the smile returns. ]

Shall I be flattered or insulted by that comparison? I'm not used to being so undesirable.

[buildindreemz]

I'm sure you're plenty desirable to lots of people - no offense intended. Why, did you think you had a shot with me?

[vorrutyer]

My dear, with all due respect, you're a bit young for me.

[buildindreemz]

I'm 23!

[vorrutyer]

Yes?

[buildindreemz]

[ HUFF. ] I'm an adult. Even if I don't look like it.

[vorrutyer]

Yes, yes, I'm sure that's quite true. Of course. A big grown-up.

[buildindreemz]

Oh, don't be a prick.

[vorrutyer]

[ With a grin - ]

I'm just expressing my normal personality, dear girl.

[buildindreemz]

[ She huffs again. He's hit on something that genuinely annoys her, sometimes. ]

And you wonder why I'm not into you that way.

[vorrutyer]

You're really offended!

[buildindreemz]

No! No. I stopped caring about that stuff a long time ago.

[ Like, five years ago when she realized she was going to look like a twelve-year-old until she's 40. ]

[vorrutyer]

So if I pointed out that you look extremely young for your age...

[buildindreemz]

Thanks, Captain Obvious. I have looked in a mirror recently.

[vorrutyer]

Emperor Obvious, if you please. So it doesn't bother you at all?

[buildindreemz]

It bothers me only to the extent that it's annoying having people tell me things I already know. Or point it out to me as if there's something I should be able to do to change it.

[vorrutyer]

Well, you could change it.

[buildindreemz]

[ She laughs. ] No, trust me, I couldn't.