video; un: ironborn

[reek]

I’ll not congratulate anyone for the beginnings of this cure.

[ Oh, look, it's that guy who pisses everyone off. The corner of his mouth quirks into a cruel smirk, but his teeth are clenched too tightly and his eyes burn too fiercely for any proper smile. It’s a struggle for him to remain as guarded as he would prefer, and there are cracks in his armor: he’s clearly angry and upset. ]

My sister was among the ill. Was. I have been informed that she has since returned to the pods—still uncured.

[ He tries to keep his tone even and cold, void of emotion, but his voice breaks ever so slightly. He and Asha weren’t close, not like he’s known siblings should be, but it’s a deep cut to be abandoned again, and it hurts to know that one of the few people he felt he could trust in this place is gone. Clearing his throat, he continues.]

Which leads me to the question at hand. What reason do I, or the worried, or any of the ailing, have to trust the maesters here? Healers--whatever name you may know them by. Months, this has gone on, to the point where someone is gone and remains unhealed.

[ He knows better than to critique those who have done nothing but help, but his anger is directionless otherwise, so he chuckles cruelly, and that cheshire smirk widens. ]

They’ve been all but useless.

Comments

[reek]

[ ...Well, Andy, you really got quite the long pause out of him. Did he understand half of those words? No, he did not. Is he going to ask? No, he is not--not really, at least.. He's already worked himself up too much to bother. ]

Seven hells, what are you on about?

[ He sure sounds exasperated, though. ]

Where am I meant to get a long tube?

[awesomenesss]

[Uh.]

That's actually a good question, I... don't know. They're always just there when I need them.

[Andy's pause for thought is predictably brief before inspiration dawns. He gasps, and snaps his fingers.]

A straw. I know there's straws in that dining court.

[reek]

[ ....Andy, please. ]

Those are rather short.

[awesomenesss]

Well, yeah, that's why you gotta tape a whole bunch of 'em together. Make yourself a super straw. So I guess we'll need tape, too. Probably duct tape, that's got the best seal. People make all kinds of stuff out of duct tape. Wallets, dresses, boats, shoes... It can definitely hold together a tube that's pumping medicine into a pod on a space station.

And don't worry. I am an expert at making super straws.

[reek]

[ He's legitimately just met the smartest person in this place, hasn't he? Again, he pauses, considering. He doesn't know what duct tape is, but if it's strong enough to make boats, it must be incredibly strong. ]

Show me.

[ You've got duct tape on you, right? ]

[awesomenesss]

Yes! Okay!

[Uh. Wait.]

Do you... know how to do the thing where we go back--

[Mmmnhh? Non-articulate way of expressing up, mothership--whatever anyone wants to call it is cool with Andy.]

[reek]

[ He pauses, waiting for Andy to finish that sentence. Buddy? Pal? You okay? ]

Have you lost the ability to speak?

[awesomenesss]

No, I can talk! And good. I don't know what to call it when... we go back--

[Mmmnhh? He does it again, but more significantly.]

Like, the tape is probably uuuup. Right? With the-- rest of the stuff? Right? But I don't know how to get back there.

[reek]

...Nor do I.

[ Well, they're stuck. ]

And I do not know what tape is or where one might find it.

[awesomenesss]

Damn it.

Someone down here's got to have tape. We can ask. Or they can tell us how to-- you know--

[Mmmnhh. Less of a question this time, because the certainty of their success seems-- well, certain.]

Wait, do you seriously not know what tape is? Oh man-- you're gonna love it. It's probably like the third best sticky thing on Earth. Or off Earth, since we're not on Earth anymore. [Which is weird.] Do you know what glue is?

[reek]

You mean a paste? Aye, I believe I do know of something similar.

[ Using those critical thinking skills. ]

...What is the best sticky thing on Earth, then?

[ He's almost afraid to ask. ]

[awesomenesss]

Yeah, paste! Which is probably, ummm, fifth best. No, sixth. 'Cause regular tape. That makes the fifth best... oh, sticky tack! For hanging posters. Fourth is duct tape. Third, definitely rubber cement. And you can make cool little gummy balls out of it, and they look like boogers, and you can flick 'em at people. Really grosses them out.

Second best, superglue. And best best sticky thing? Honey. 'Cause you can eat it. I mean, you can eat the other ones too. I think rubber cement you can eat if you're stuck in a submarine or something and it's the only thing standing between you and starvation. But honey actually tastes good.

Well-- rubber cement isn't bad. Honey's just definitely better. You've got honey, right?

[This peer reviewed study brought to you by Andy, whose only peer is... Andy.]

[reek]

We did have honey.

[ Alright, he’s actually somewhat enthralled by this conversation, bizarre as it is and bizarre as Andy is. It’s sort of fascinating. ]

You’re some sort of expert on materials of this matter, are you?

[awesomenesss]

Thank god. 'Cause if you didn't have honey, it'd be like-- aaaa.

[Crazy. And sad. He tries to put all of that into the aaaa.]

And heck yeah I am! Probably the most expert person here. And super trustworthy too. Which is why you can definitely trust me to find the straws and the duct tape to get your sister the medicine she needs.

[reek]

[ A very long pause follows that aaaa. ]

I suppose.

[ Sansa and Jeyne might be more upset about it than he would. No honey means no lemoncakes. As for the trustworthiness, Theon remains uncertain. He finds it difficult to trust anyone these days, even people like Andy, but straws and tape sound like a small task. Who could fuck that one up? ]

I'll entrust that task to you, then. You have my thanks.

[awesomenesss]

Aww, dude. That is sweet. But you don't have to thank me. I'm just doing my job.

[Well.]

Not my actual job. I don't have one of those here yet and it's definitely not my old job to find straws and stuff. That was just a hobby. But I'm still gonna help.

I'm Andy, by the way! Did I say that?

[reek]

No, but you've said it now.

[ That's good enough for him. ]

Theon Greyjoy.