chaoticlootral: DNT (magic missile;)
a hot blonde wile e. coyote ([personal profile] chaoticlootral) wrote in [community profile] elnysa2017-08-19 09:22 pm

[video | un: SizzleItUp@LinkedIn]

[ A camera turns on and the possibly familiar face of Taako, America’s Favorite Wizard appears center screen, looking particularly well put together and sparkly for the audience today. He clears his throat, flips the end of his braid and launches into his intro: ]

Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.

We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little.
[ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?

No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.

So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?

Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]

[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.

Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed.
] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.

[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]

[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]

This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.

[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]

That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.

valcurie: @yevon (pic#11603426)

[personal profile] valcurie 2017-08-20 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
( it's a pretty powerful testament to her professionalism that after hearing all of that, she just nods. she's definitely dealt with more bizarre patients before, but when there's two together like this? Taako is what they call an enabler.

but at least they didn't go and pick a fight in a bar for authenticity's sake? )


Yes. I can come clean and dress it. And stitch it up if he'll allow me, so it can start healing quickly. It won't prevent any scarring.
beatupgrass: (✘ i will eat your unhappiness)

[personal profile] beatupgrass 2017-08-21 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
[oh my god Taako.]

Dude. Don't make it weird.
perfectdisaster: (pic#11646187)

[personal profile] perfectdisaster 2017-08-21 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
For what purpose?

[ He's surrounded by crazies. And talking raccoons, but mostly crazies. What is wrong with these people??? ]
perfectdisaster: (pic#9725381)

[personal profile] perfectdisaster 2017-08-21 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
Ad revenue for what?

[ See, now that's an explanation he'd believe! ]
punshots: (✘ dodging.)

[personal profile] punshots 2017-08-21 03:56 am (UTC)(link)
Riiiiiight. That's the...true power of friendship, right there.

[ Your face, dude. He's still feeling a little queasy just thinking about all that blood. ]

How do you lose a scar, anyway?
punshots: (✘ brooklyn.)

[personal profile] punshots 2017-08-21 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
[ He already showed his friends, got you covered, bro. ]

Uhh, it's only going viral because it's crazy! What if you sliced his eye open?

[ Ugh, why did he say that, now he's picturing it. ]
agradecido: (This night is heating up)

[personal profile] agradecido 2017-08-21 06:04 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I can't imagine it would make it look less gnarly, what with the puncture scars and all.[As in "gnarled." He's not hip to the slang of kids these days.]
agradecido: (I should probably introduce myself)

[personal profile] agradecido 2017-08-21 06:05 am (UTC)(link)
I don't suppose you can simply [(finger wiggle)] will it all away? Or would you like some expert advice?
laveers: (Default)

[personal profile] laveers 2017-08-21 11:49 am (UTC)(link)
If you intend to continue these messages, [ they haven't invented broadcasting yet in Westeros, ] why not show yourself fighting these creatures?

[ One viewer here for sure. Like, subscribe, etc. ]
ruffboi: (just hit it really hard)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
Oh!

[Damn! Dropping the shirt he's pressing against his bloody fist and pounding a fist into his hand.] Hell yeah! Nice idea!
ruffboi: (hit it with my axe 15)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
[He can tell Mercy is sort of trying to talk him into this, but, whatever.]

Yeah, okay! You can stitch me up. Might look extra cool, with stitches in.
ruffboi: (flaming raging poisoning sword of doom)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Puncture scars! You're speaking my language. It's not how the original looked, but I like it.

[Um? He's also from a high fantasy medieval inspired canon it's not his fault yours doesn't include kid slang!]
laveers: (07)

[personal profile] laveers 2017-08-22 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
[ She salutes, lazily. Good luck, Magnus. ]
ruffboi: (hit it with my axe 3)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'll wash it out. [He doesn't like worrying someone, so he'll promise to do it.] It's okay. I've had worse injuries and come out of them just fine.
ruffboi: (create a pulley)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
Exactly.

[He knows you're being snide, but whatever, you don't know his life. Best buds can give each other scars and livestream it.]

Hmm, so it's a long story, but...I died? Or, at least, my body died. Fortunately, I'd been selling my blood to someone for a while, and it turned out he was secretly cloning me. However, the clone didn't have my scars.
ruffboi: (lay on the charm)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
Looking rad? Being able to look in the mirror and say, oh, hey, that's right, I got this sick scar in a bar fight and it's here on my body.

You've never had a scar you were proud of before?
perfectdisaster: (pic#11646154)

[personal profile] perfectdisaster 2017-08-22 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
That was hardly a bar fight. If you'd wanted to be able to say that, perhaps actually doing it in a bar and without the rather poor sales pitch would've made it seem a little more realistic? Maybe upset the other guy a little so that it could've possibly been considered something of a fight?

[ He's totally not helping here, sorry Magnus. He still thinks you're both ridiculous. ]

And not particularly, no.
punshots: (✘ clarendon.)

[personal profile] punshots 2017-08-22 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ That's not what he does with his best buds, but okay.........

also why do his conversations keep going from 0 to 60 like this, except in this case it's more like 60 to 120, why does this guy sound so casual about this. Video was a mistake, because if possible, Prompto goes even paler. ]


H-he - s-so you...were what, a ghost? And you... [ oh gods. ] ...took over your clone's body?

[ He sounds...pretty concerned about this. ]
agradecido: (Don't think I'll ever get enough)

[personal profile] agradecido 2017-08-22 10:14 am (UTC)(link)
[It didn't include freaking moon bases or robots, either, so.

He laughs.
]

So you have a second chance to do it right, yes?
ruffboi: (hit it with my axe 9)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 12:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Exactly! Thanks for the tip, my man.

[Trying to pat away some blood so he can look in the mirror and get a sense where the puncture marks will go.]
ruffboi: (grapple)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 12:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes?

[What part of that was unclear...?]
ruffboi: (and i'll do six attacks!)

[personal profile] ruffboi 2017-08-22 01:01 pm (UTC)(link)
No, no, no. First of all, I'm not going to upset Taako just to get in a bar fight with him. It's called friendship, and maybe you should learn a thing or two about it. Second of all, the original scar was from a bar fight. This is just a replacement, because the original is gone.

[He's speaking very casually for a guy gushing blood out of his face.]

Think of it this way. I've had that gnarly scar on my eye for years, and then one day, it's just gone. Isn't it natural that I want it back?
valcurie: ? someone's thing (.19)

[personal profile] valcurie 2017-08-22 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
( her heart is in the in right place, at least. )

Maybe if you ask nicely, I could make it look extra rugged and manly.

( after a pause. ) Which house?
agradecido: (You shoulda' seen what I wore)

[personal profile] agradecido 2017-08-22 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Hm, anytime, I suppose. Is this the first of many, or...or, what, exactly?
punshots: (✘ x pro ii.)

[personal profile] punshots 2017-08-23 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
[ Not unclear, he just stumbled into something that he, uh. Wasn't expecting. Personally. ]

U-um - right. Got it. Didn't - didn't realize that was...a thing. Uh - anyway - [ AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ] H-how did you get your scar, originally?

[ And let's just...ignore the fact that he just had a minor freak-out, that never happened. ]

Page 3 of 6