a hot blonde wile e. coyote (
chaoticlootral) wrote in
elnysa2017-08-19 09:22 pm
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[video | un: SizzleItUp@LinkedIn]
[ A camera turns on and the possibly familiar face of Taako, America’s Favorite Wizard appears center screen, looking particularly well put together and sparkly for the audience today. He clears his throat, flips the end of his braid and launches into his intro: ]
Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.
We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little. [ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?
No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.
So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?
Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]
[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.
Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed. ] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.
[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]
[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]
This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.
[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]
That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.
Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.
We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little. [ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?
No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.
So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?
Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]
[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.
Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed. ] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.
[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]
[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]
This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.
[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]
That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.
video; un: ROCKET
man, he is losing it here.
Like. Subscribe. Fav.]
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Oh, come on. It's not that funny. I mean, it's a little funny, I just think you're going overboard here.
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[He chortles] And then you- [snicker snort] And then you filmed it.
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Listen, if you enjoyed that, you can sign up for notifications when we post new content!
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What else is he gonna let you do to him?? Is he... Is he gonna let you hack off his arm so he can get a cool cybernetic one next?
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audio | blackwind
Now, you cannot say you got it from a fight.
still video
It's a long story but the old body I had before this one had a ton of scars, and they're all genuinely fight scars. Except for that one where a dog bit me.
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[ Magnus seems like one utterly incapable of falsehood. ]
Do you intend to regain all the others you had?
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also video
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Your friend has the greater need. I have not been healed against my will.
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video; un: Mercy
( contact details, what contact details?? )
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Problem is, if I clean it, it's not going to scar the same. I didn't clean it the first time around, primarily because I was very drunk at the time. Gotta treat it the same.
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. . . No he doesn't really feeling like touching that. ]
You're a healer? You got experience? How good are you, scale of, uh, one to ten.
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video
[SIGH, what are you two even doing, why this. Face impassive, Zevran stares into the camera with little interest.]
Did you get any on your clothes?
Re: video
[He assumes it's Taako he's asking the clothes question to, seeing as he currently has his shirt pulled up and is staunching his face blood with the hem.]
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Yeah. It's kind of everywhere. ]
Just one of the many reasons why wizarding is a better class in pretty much every respect, homie. You never have to deal with splatter.
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voice, un: Yousoro★
But by intentionally slashing someone over the eye...] W-what are you guys doing?! You could lose an eye!
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[He waves from the camera, to show he's fine. Though he's also still staunching the bleeding with his shirt.]
I'm all good, no damage done. Besides the gash on my face that's bleeding a lot.
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video / un: chocobro
Wh-what the hell! [ Kind of seems pointless to ask if they're crazy, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY ] What - why would you -
[ please go to the hospital ]
You don't even get a good story out of it!
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You guys keep saying that, but I would argue that getting this scar from my good friend Taako who wanted to help me out after I lost my original very cool fight scar is actually a great story.
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Not sure what you mean! This is already going viral. You're talking about it so, seems like a great story to me, compadre. Leave a review and share with your friends.
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video; un: 01
And the reason for this was...?
[ Because what the shit people? What would possess someone to even want to-- No, he's honestly beginning to wonder if he even wants to know the answer. This is just going to be one of those times when he's actually rather glad he doesn't understand people. ]
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[Weren't you paying attention to the video?]
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[ This may appear on the outside to be an insanely stupid plan, but the deeper truth is it is DEFINITELY an insanely stupid plan, that somehow sorta worked? ]
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