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elnysa2017-08-19 09:22 pm
chaoticlootral) wrote in elnysa2017-08-19 09:22 pm
Entry tags:
[video | un: SizzleItUp@LinkedIn]
[ A camera turns on and the possibly familiar face of Taako, America’s Favorite Wizard appears center screen, looking particularly well put together and sparkly for the audience today. He clears his throat, flips the end of his braid and launches into his intro: ]
Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.
We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little. [ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?
No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.
So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?
Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]
[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.
Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed. ] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.
[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]
[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]
This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.
[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]
That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.
Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.
We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little. [ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?
No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.
So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?
Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]
[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.
Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed. ] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.
[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]
[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]
This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.
[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]
That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.
no subject
but at least they didn't go and pick a fight in a bar for authenticity's sake? )
Yes. I can come clean and dress it. And stitch it up if he'll allow me, so it can start healing quickly. It won't prevent any scarring.
no subject
Oh, kinda old school backwoods, huh? Most everyone I know waves some sort of thingy-majig around and makes a god do all the work for them. At least that's what the rumors say. Never experienced it.
no subject
...Are you talking about fantasy clerics?
Because no, I am definitely not one of those. I do have a staff that could heal him, but it is the work of no god, and it would heal him so well, you'd probably try this again, so. Old-fashioned sutures it is.
I will be there soon. Make sure his wound is kept under some kind of pressure until then. Please.
no subject
[ They would definitely try this again, so Mercy has the right idea. Taako looks over at Magnus, who seems to be quite content to bleed away, before snapping his fingers and summoning a spectral hand. It sort of presses over his face. It seems like it might just be more annoying than actually medically helpful, but it's the thought that counts. ]
It's under control. He's got a lot of blood.
no subject
( and then he does the thing with the hand. magic sure is--interesting. )
Blood doesn't make you squeamish, does it?