[video | un: SizzleItUp@LinkedIn]

[chaoticlootral]

[ A camera turns on and the possibly familiar face of Taako, America’s Favorite Wizard appears center screen, looking particularly well put together and sparkly for the audience today. He clears his throat, flips the end of his braid and launches into his intro: ]

Hail and well met, subscribers, it’s your good friend Taako here, and we’re going to be doing a little, hm, makeover for you today. If your regenerated body is feeling a little too new car smell, or you just want a dope new look, we have got the solution for you.

We’re just gonna run the tires on this bad boy a little. [ He turns in his seat a little to check and see where Magnus is behind him, giving him a thumbs up. ] So, things you need are gonna be: one willing dude, and a broken beer bottle that the dude insisted on for authenticity. [ Turning around again. ] You know we can do this way easier with, like, one spell, right homie?

No, no. Tell your viewers - you’re not going to get the jagged edges with magic. Okay, so, first, you need to break your bottle. [And with that, he grabs a bottle of beer, pops off the top, shotguns the entire thing, and then smashes the empty bottle against the wall.] Ideally it’d be broken on a man’s skull, but we have to make do with what we have.

So you can add that to list. One man’s skull! For legal purposes, I’d like to say I am completely sober right now. Do not attempt inebriated. I mean, I’m not going to stop you, but could be dicey. [ Taking one of the gnarly looking shards from Magnus, and getting up from the chair - offering it to him so he is in good view of the camera. Not TOO good. Taako is still the star of this show. ] You ready?

Born ready! [Magnus sits down and closing both of his eyes. He takes one of his leather pouch buckles and putting it between his teeth to bite down on.]

[ Taako takes his time sizing up Magnus’ face, closing one eye, then the other, sticking his tongue out in concentration while hemming and hawing about the exact size and location of the scar, because he is preparing to do the best facsimile possible for his good and willing friend, who is also a huge idiot.

Then, with surprising artistry (he is a chef, he has knife skills, but maybe not Broken Glass proficiency), just slices the glass shard down over Magnus’ right eye. Which, you know, starts to bleed. ] Oh shit! Oh wow! That’s. That’s a lot. You’re a goosher. Just a lot of goosh. Okay! At this point you’re going to, uuuuuuh, I don’t know, this is out of my wheelhouse, muchacho. Slashing damage.

[Magnus spits the leather buckle out of his mouth, and lifts a hand to pat his bleeding face.] Maybe a healer, but not too good a healer? Don’t want to heal it all the way! Defeats the point. [He lifts up the hem of his shirt, so he can press it against his eye.]

[ Taako is definitely not helping stem any bleeding, because he’s busy trying to see where there’s blood on his clothes or hair. This is kind of his fault for wearing velvet to cut someone’s face open. ]

This is new, you know. Okay! So, rate, reply, and subscribe, t-shirts are available-- woah, there he goes gooshing again. And if you’re a healer - but not too good a healer! - Leave us your contact info.

[ The video stays running, because they’re both a little distracted, t b h. Casually, Taako addresses his heavily bleeding companion. ]

That’s a little ironic, right? The one thing he would have been great at! And he’s missed it.

Comments

[ruffboi]

Looking rad? Being able to look in the mirror and say, oh, hey, that's right, I got this sick scar in a bar fight and it's here on my body.

You've never had a scar you were proud of before?

[perfectdisaster]

That was hardly a bar fight. If you'd wanted to be able to say that, perhaps actually doing it in a bar and without the rather poor sales pitch would've made it seem a little more realistic? Maybe upset the other guy a little so that it could've possibly been considered something of a fight?

[ He's totally not helping here, sorry Magnus. He still thinks you're both ridiculous. ]

And not particularly, no.

[ruffboi]

No, no, no. First of all, I'm not going to upset Taako just to get in a bar fight with him. It's called friendship, and maybe you should learn a thing or two about it. Second of all, the original scar was from a bar fight. This is just a replacement, because the original is gone.

[He's speaking very casually for a guy gushing blood out of his face.]

Think of it this way. I've had that gnarly scar on my eye for years, and then one day, it's just gone. Isn't it natural that I want it back?

[perfectdisaster]

No thanks.

[ Friendship is something best left to Quatre, not him. Making friends isn't something he's good at. Now, threatening to kill people and just never following through, on the other hand... that's more his thing.

But when Magnus puts it that way... he still doesn't get why he'd let someone hack his face up, but he can kind of see the reasoning behind wanting it back. Scars are a part of who they are. ]

I suppose, but there are other ways to do it besides that.

[ruffboi]

We did consider getting in a real bar fight, but I might not get cut in the same place again.

[perfectdisaster]

True... [ Okay, now he'll suppose this is making a little more sense. Still ridiculous, but he does have a point. ]

But then you would've had a new set of scars to brag about. [ Though why anybody would want to do that, he doesn't understand. Then again, he's also never been in a bar fight, let alone set foot in a bar before, so he can't criticize. ]

[ruffboi]

Well, why not both? I can get my old scar back, and get some new ones. But if I'm being honest, I'm not so likely to take a big bad hit to the face like that in a fight these days. I've been working on my dexterity.

[perfectdisaster]

Technically speaking, you shouldn't be taking hits like that to the face at all. [ You're supposed to protect your face and vitals! That's like, the first rule of combat that doesn't involve taking the other person out before they hit you. ] How's your defense?

[ruffboi]

[Laughing a little. Extremely smugly, like he thinks this is a very cute question.]

My defense? Oh, I'd say it's uh, pretty good. Let's just say my AC is over twenty.

[perfectdisaster]

[ Wait, what...? What is he talking about? Okay, now he's confused! ]

AC?

[ruffboi]

My armor class? You really don't know anything about fighting, do you? Stick to lecturing the beginners, kid.

[perfectdisaster]

Armor... class?

[ Did this guy really just tell him he didn't know anything about combat? To be honest, he's not sure if the armor thing is something that's limited to Magnus's world or if it's something he wasn't actually trained in. Hopefully, it's the former.]

I'm a mobile suit pilot, not a brawler.