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[voice-to-text] un: Linneus
Hello everyone. I've a slightly irregular circumstance I hoped someone might help me with. I debated whether or not I should ask, but-- well, it's been a few days and if-- I suppose if it belongs to someone it's unfair I hold on to it just out of embarrassment.
It's this:
[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.
Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]
It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?
It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.
[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]
((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.
Help. Help him.))
It's this:
[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.
Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]
It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?
It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.
[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]
((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.
Help. Help him.))
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[ If anyone knows the benefit of an attractive outer wrapping, it's Dazai. He's spent a lifetime making a silk purse from the sow's ear of a soul that's more or less taped haphazardly together.
The fact he's managed to fool so many with the pretty wrappings is proof alone of that fact. ]
And if your watchdog doesn't manage to sleep much of a night? Does that disqualify them from said position?
[
Asking for a friend.He won't eagerly admit to insomnia on the network; and less so if it may prompt a discussion on why. But using it to playfully tease is another thing entirely. ]Then I should rephrase. After all that's happened-
[ The implied 'Everything you've been through' is skirted for Linneus' sake and the knowledge that he doesn't wish to be coddled, nor have his past traumas rehashed. They're entirely alike in that respect. ]
It's terrible to know you've gone through more hardships.
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[a moment’s thought - behind his device, his head slightly tilted.]
Watchdogs should get to sleep, too. Some other time, if not at night...
[but they can’t all have watchdogs. And life isn’t not life without its hardships. Would he even be the same person, without all that he has lived?]
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No matter how often the occasion calls for it.
At least allow me to daydream about getting the chance to someday.
[ That sounds nice enough. But for now he settles for the second best thing, wandering the early-morning streets and generally trying to occupy his time, awaiting a rest never seems to find him. ]
Another time? Hmm...
How about resting a weary head on the lap of someone who doesn't mind the intrusion?
Or any coaxing to slide fingers through hair.
That seems like a good time and place, don't you think?
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[they're nice - of course they're nice; who doesn't enjoy receiving a gift? But of course he is wary, because most of his gifts have come with expectations, attached strings. Most of his gifts could be taken back at a moment's notice - although he had plenty, and a few pieces with a great deal of sentimental value, from clients he liked (albeit one-sidedly), he could never really consider them his.
They are all gone, now, of course. And, well, if he is to build this new life; as they say... he can't be afraid of some attachment.]
It does, but I fear you might have some competition in that. Lula rather enjoys leaning her head on my knee...!
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This may be where her and I ultimately have to fight over you.
Be aware, I have no intention of playing fair!
[ Yes, he's ridiculous. But sometimes it helps to be a little silly and pretend he's battling for territory against a worthy foe, and not just craving attention and desiring to be coddled. It preserves his dignity, and distracts himself from focusing on just how lonely a person can get here.
Maybe it's all the endless nights wandering empty streets, reminiscent of those days right after his defection from the Mafia, before he had a place to stay or even the promise of tomorrow. Even though he has a steady home over top his head, the one stark difference from times past, it's not enough to prevent him from feeling like he's starting back at zero.
So he'll have to be forgiven if he secretly just wants to curl up with the one person who still exudes a sense of coming home. ]
I might be forced to gently pick her up and place her carefully within another room.
It's dastardly of me, I know. But if it's the only way I can claim your lap for a while, then there's no helping it.
[ You know you want to cuddle him, Linneus. This little show is only driving that point home. ...Right? Maybe? ]
no subject
[not entirely, and certainly not all of Dazai’s motivations, but he supposes he may find himself in the middle of a battle for his affections...]
You would have to make it up to her, if you decided to banish her elsewhere! It’s just my home has no other rooms, unfortunately.
[the curse of open plan! There’s a small bathroom and an even smaller closet but it hasn’t really occurred to him what to do to get Lula Out Of The Way...]
Did you just call me Linn?
no subject
I'll repay her for freeing up your lap for a single evening... or more.
[ It's a tantalizing notion, being given clearance to bridge the distance between them after carefully chipping away at it for months. Chaste as the offered contact is, Dazai can't help but want a sort of closeness that leaves behind everything but the honesty he's built with Linneus from day one.
And as if that's not good enough, the notion of falling asleep in someone's arms (or perhaps a lap, for now) is something he wants an encore of, even before it's happened. ]
Hm? You know, I think I did. [ Said playfully, as if Dazai can't see precisely what his hands have typed. ] Giving you a nickname is long overdue.
And besides, it really does suit you- Cute, sweet, and no nonsense.
[ As they say, old habits die hard. He's so accustomed to the teasing taunts of nicknames meant to rile a person up, that this go around he's sticking with shortened names. At least until he finds something even more suitable. ]
no subject
She enjoys flowers. I think it's because I don't let her eat them very often. She likes apples and broccoli too, but they need to be cut for her to manage.
[oh. He hasn't really been given a nickname before. Gilder called him Dove, and while Linneus selfishly hoped that was just for him, it could just as easily have been something the man called everyone, too.]
I don't think I've ever really had one before, a nickname.
no subject
He's allowed that facade to drop in the company of a very select few, now reduced on this world to a number he doesn't even need a whole hand to count. And though he's been more open and sincere with Linneus, his companion has yet to realize how much Dazai really does crave attention. More often than not it's the negative kind, easier to acquire and better to mask his true underlying motivations.
But if he doesn't have to hide that he honestly just wants the kind built on affection, then why finally admit it? ]
I see. Flowers seem like the appropriate gift to apologize to a little lady, such as herself.
[ It sounds like a trip to the market is in order. And while Linneus won't press for him to go to the trouble, broccoli and apples are added to his mental list, alongside non-toxic flowers. ]
Now that's just a crime.
I'll have to think of a few more, just for you...
[ He already has. But are Doe and Tulip too much just yet, or simply too cheesy? The first is because Linneus feels reminiscent of a deer. His companion's occasional habit of shying from things reminds him of the skittishness of a creature just as daintily lithe and graceful, not to mention how wholly soft they both seem, despite their obvious strengths of character. And the latter is pretty self-explanatory, when a certain someone's hair is such a distinct shade of pink. ]
no subject
She will enjoy them, yes. And perhaps it might encourage her to leave off my flowerbeds a while?
[she tries so hard to be obedient, but...]
It is? I thought many people manage perfectly well without nicknames...
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Or a separate little barrier between them and anyone trotting by for a quick bite?
[ That solution isn't the most visually appealing, but he's read books on every subject, including some that touch on gardening. Keeping foragers away tends to require some sort of guard, or even a noise deterrent. ]
Not in my company they don't!
[ Said as if this is a good thing, and not Dazai's silly roundabout way of feeling closer to others. After all, those he cares most about were his first targets for such pet-names, including Odasaku and a certain Hatrack. ]
You're welcome to come up with a nickname for me too.
Something that surely reflects my handsome face and shining personality, no doubt.
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[he suppose a few casualties is a small price to pay, though he’d prefer there be none at all.]
Oh, I wouldn’t know quite where to begin...!
[he is not in the habit of thinking up or bestowing nicknames! Or in naming things at all]
I think whatever naming sense I had in me was all used up by Lula...!
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The best kind are ones that don't take any effort.
[ Like a good zinger or burn, his favorite pet-names for others simply come to him without too much dwelling, which can actually be counter productive. Unlike formulating a strategy, where obsessive over-thinking over every angle is required, affectionate nicknames are better left coming from the heart. ]
Even if that's the case, I think you did a stellar job.
Linneus and Lula do sound like the perfect little duo, if I do say so myself!
[ As he types Dazai takes a stroll to the marketplace to pick up the items on Linneus' little grocery list, no matter if he doesn't expect Dazai to make the trip just yet. ]
Anything else you need, besides what we discussed?
I happen to be doing a little shopping, and thought I'd surprise Lula with a treat or two when I pass by.
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It was born out of a jest at her expense, admittedly. But she took to it well.
And Lula is a little better in singsong than Lullaby is.
[Lullaby - for her snoring.]
Oh, I don't... you needn't bring anything...
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And yes, Linn. It'd be a date.]Lucky for us that we have those who tolerate our sense of humor.
[ Linn has his egg-baby and Dazai has him, at least when Linneus doesn't call him out on his absurdities. He might deserve it in spades, but Dazai has to let off steam every now and again. Besides, without his penchant for teasing and taunts, who would he even be? ]
Ah, but unfortunately you're too late to stop me.
I've purchased a few things for Lula and yourself, so would you forgive the intrusion if I dropped in?
[ In typical Dazai fashion he poses the offer as if it'll be easily turned down, all while he's loitering but a short distance from Linneus' home. ]
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This is your idea of a date, Dazai? Lettuce?]Already? But we were talking...
[he's still not used to multitasking with his device - not one of those people who can text and walk at the same time.]
If it's already done... I suppose it's all right...
[market sales are usually final, and it would be rude now that Dazai has gone to all the effort...]
no subject
So, yes. Next he'll be picking you uneven bunches of dirty wildflowers. The absolute cad~.]I'll talk with you for as long as you like, once I arrive.
[ The acquiescence is all he needs to end up on Linn's doorstep, arms laden down with groceries for the adults and treats for a certain special egg-baby. It takes some maneuvering on his part, juggling his parcels this way and that, but Dazai eventually manages to knock upon Linn's door. ]
To [Actions]~!
He just about has time to stash his puzzling... ornament before he answers the door, nudging Lula aside gently
That... is a great deal of shopping.]
How did you...?