[voice-to-text] un: Linneus

[inaurare]

Hello everyone. I've a slightly irregular circumstance I hoped someone might help me with. I debated whether or not I should ask, but-- well, it's been a few days and if-- I suppose if it belongs to someone it's unfair I hold on to it just out of embarrassment.

It's this:

[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.

Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]

It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?

It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.

[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]


((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.

Help. Help him.))

Comments

[inaurare]

I don't know the word 'emoji'.

[he knows eggplant, though, of course...]

[sakabroto]

...seriously? You don't know what an emoji is.

[inaurare]

No?

[sakabroto]

[Oh man, where to start]

Okay so like emoji are basically pictures you can send to someone that have a lot of different meanings

like I could send a waving hand or something instead of typin' "hello"

or send a little tv and popcorn to ask you wanna chill and watch a movie or something, you get it?

[inaurare]

[like... old cave drawings?]

I understand how the first one might work.

I'm not sure what many of the second things are...

[sakabroto]

Do they not have movies or TV or anything where you were from?

[HOW MUCH IS HE GOING TO NEED TO EXPLAIN]

[inaurare]

No?

Should I know these things?

[sakabroto]

I mean...if they weren't in your world, then I guess not? but where I was from movies, TV, popcorn - it was all kinda common pop culture, yanno?

Well, uh let's say they're like plays, but you can watch 'em from anywhere and anytime, okay? And you can do a lot more stuff in a movie or a TV show than you can do on a stage. That make sense?

[inaurare]

Anywhere and any time?

But how does one bring the actors with them?

[sakabroto]

yeah... that's the thing. It's kind of like these devices? You can watch it on the screen 'cause the pictures and sound are all turned into data you can play anywhere you go. Same with the emoji - they're just pictures you can send through a phone

[inaurare]

[he... doesn't know data, either. Or pictures one can send through a phone...]

Like the way sometimes people appear in my device, sometimes?

There was a cake once, when I was asking a question. It appeared by my name but it had never appeared before...

> video

[sakabroto]

Yeah kinda like tha-- you know what, I can just show you.

[He switches it over to video and BEHOLD! Ryuji is all his...hobo-ish glory as he's lying on his bed, staring up at his phone.]

Did the cake appear when it was your birthday? 'Cause that happens sometimes on social media.

Anyway, sup. [He waves at the camera] Name's Sakamoto Ryuji, but you can call me Ryuji.

[inaurare]

Yes - on social media?

[what is social media...?]

Ah-

[he will change too. It's only fair, given that the boy showed his face to introduce himself, but he is blushing a bit.]

My name is Linneus. It's a pleasure to meet you.

[sakabroto]

[Holy shit this girl/guy/person is freaking pretty as hell. What the eff why are all the people here basically model class humans???

After his initial shock at seeing someone pretty show up on his device fades, he gives Linneus another wave.]

Yeah social media. It's like...this network. But in my world there were a ton of different platforms - message boards, blog services, private messaging services, basically if you needed a way to talk to people, the Internet provided it. People had profiles and sometimes they'd put pictures of cakes or stuff next to your name to let everyone following you know it was your birthday.

[inaurare]

[he looks increasingly baffled as the explanation goes on. There are messengers, of course, but those are actually people, ferrying missives from one location to another. But there are so many unfamiliar words, and even though he tries echoing them, to see if they will make any more sense if he says them aloud... there’s no flash of meaning for him.]

I’m sorry, I don’t... I’m not sure I know any of those words.

[sakabroto]

[This is like trying to explain Twitter to grandparents, isn't it?

Ryuji sighs and shakes his head apologetically.]

Sorry, I'm not the greatest at explaining things. But just imagine it's like this network we're using now, but it was used by everyone in the world and could do a lot more than this thing.

But uh, the eggplant emoji thing comes from there. If you were in the know, you'd know what they were askin' for, and if you weren't, it'd just look like a dumb picture. Kinda like a code.

[inaurare]

[used by everyone in the world...! No, Ivore never had anything like that...!]

I think I see, sort of...

[at least the grandparents have a head start of at least passing familiarity with this technology...!]

...like a code.

[there are reasons things like this would have a code, of course, but that doesn’t stop Linneus’ curiosity]

A code for what...?

[sakabroto]

[At least he's getting the idea across? Generally? Maybe?

He actually has no idea if this is working, but Linneus seems to be getting it. Or is really good at faking it. But then comes the real crux of this whole conversation and Ryuji laughs a little.]

Well, think about it. What's an eggplant kinda look like?

[inaurare]

[he might be grasping the ideas in their barest sense. There are still so many unfamiliar words, though...

But he isn't seeing a euphemism here. Still that expression of polite bafflement. He knows what this "eggplant" looks like. As for real eggplants...]

I don't...

...like an eggplant?

[...eggplants are eggplants.]

[sakabroto]

No no, you gotta think of it like a code.

[Shit is he going to need to make gestures to get this person to guess? He could outright say it, but then someone would probably overhear him and then Haru might punch him through a wall or be scandalized or something.]

Usually only guys send that emoji when they wanna be alone with someone. You get it?

[inaurare]

[there's a moment while he mulls over the words. Looks across to the giant stone dildo (the people keep calling an eggplant) still sitting on his table.

Carefully-]

...there can be long eggplants.

[is this going where he thinks it's going?]

[sakabroto]

[Long ones, short ones, some as -- well no, hopefully not, but it looks like Linneus has the idea.]

Yup. And while it's kinda weird for me to say this as a guy, they come in all lengths.

[Even if it's not a topic he often likes to dwell on, he can acknowledge the biology of other dudes.]

So now you know the brief but amazing history of the eggplant emoji.

[inaurare]

[he was already blushing, before he even fully got the idea.

A light cough, an effort to recover himself.]

I... I see.

So then - if this is an equivalent to an eggplant - who would send me this?

[sakabroto]

[Ryuji shrugs because he honestly has no clue. But considering how pretty Linneus is???]

Dunno. Wasn't there a note or somethin' attached? 'Cause carving an eggplant outta stone just to send it to you has got to be the most dedicated booty call I've ever seen.

[inaurare]

[he will never hear the word eggplant in the same way ever again]

...indeed. No note, no. It wasn't wrapped, either, just... sitting there.