[voice-to-text] un: Linneus

[inaurare]

Hello everyone. I've a slightly irregular circumstance I hoped someone might help me with. I debated whether or not I should ask, but-- well, it's been a few days and if-- I suppose if it belongs to someone it's unfair I hold on to it just out of embarrassment.

It's this:

[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.

Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]

It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?

It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.

[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]


((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.

Help. Help him.))

Comments

[sakabroto]

[At least he's getting the idea across? Generally? Maybe?

He actually has no idea if this is working, but Linneus seems to be getting it. Or is really good at faking it. But then comes the real crux of this whole conversation and Ryuji laughs a little.]

Well, think about it. What's an eggplant kinda look like?

[inaurare]

[he might be grasping the ideas in their barest sense. There are still so many unfamiliar words, though...

But he isn't seeing a euphemism here. Still that expression of polite bafflement. He knows what this "eggplant" looks like. As for real eggplants...]

I don't...

...like an eggplant?

[...eggplants are eggplants.]

[sakabroto]

No no, you gotta think of it like a code.

[Shit is he going to need to make gestures to get this person to guess? He could outright say it, but then someone would probably overhear him and then Haru might punch him through a wall or be scandalized or something.]

Usually only guys send that emoji when they wanna be alone with someone. You get it?

[inaurare]

[there's a moment while he mulls over the words. Looks across to the giant stone dildo (the people keep calling an eggplant) still sitting on his table.

Carefully-]

...there can be long eggplants.

[is this going where he thinks it's going?]

[sakabroto]

[Long ones, short ones, some as -- well no, hopefully not, but it looks like Linneus has the idea.]

Yup. And while it's kinda weird for me to say this as a guy, they come in all lengths.

[Even if it's not a topic he often likes to dwell on, he can acknowledge the biology of other dudes.]

So now you know the brief but amazing history of the eggplant emoji.

[inaurare]

[he was already blushing, before he even fully got the idea.

A light cough, an effort to recover himself.]

I... I see.

So then - if this is an equivalent to an eggplant - who would send me this?

[sakabroto]

[Ryuji shrugs because he honestly has no clue. But considering how pretty Linneus is???]

Dunno. Wasn't there a note or somethin' attached? 'Cause carving an eggplant outta stone just to send it to you has got to be the most dedicated booty call I've ever seen.

[inaurare]

[he will never hear the word eggplant in the same way ever again]

...indeed. No note, no. It wasn't wrapped, either, just... sitting there.

[sakabroto]

A drive-by huh?

[...Not that he can imagine someone going around, carving booty calls out of rock, and then just leaving them without any way of getting in contact with the person again. But El Nysa is weird af so who knows.]

And you don't have anyone in mind who might want to... yanno?

[inaurare]

Drive by?

[another foreign word...]

Well-- maybe?

[but that feels presumptuous, even to think of.]

I don't think they would do this, though...

[sakabroto]

Why not ask 'em? You're not gonna know unless you ask.

[Although...since it's an anonymous emoji, maybe it would be awkward to just ask?]

Unless it'd be weird or something...

[inaurare]

Well, one has already said it wasn't him, and I believe that. The other... I think this would be highly out of character for him.

So it would be a little... weird, yes.

feel free to drop this if it's like 4 billion years too late, i'm sorry!

[sakabroto]

Uh...you could try droppin' a hint then?

[Because dang, this chick is popular if she's...he? Wait, is this a he? ....MMmmmmmmmm just going to not think about that right now.]

See if he knows what you're talkin' about. And if he don't, then you got some secret admirer runnin' around somewhere.

<3

[inaurare]

A hint...?

[slightly unsure]

If he does know, he was already playing it down, I think...

<3!!!!!

[sakabroto]

[And here he thought girls were supposed to be the ones that played hard to get?]

Maybe he was bein' shy?

[Ryuji gives the camera a shrug because he knows 0 about that. He's more of the bull in the china shop type of flirt.]

I dunno, that ain't my style, but some guys're into that sorta thing.

[inaurare]

I'm not sure any style was involved in this gift.

[his expression drawing into a slight pout.]

Or shyness, for that matter.

[if anything sending a giant carved phallus to anyone is pretty overt.]

[sakabroto]

Dedication then, I guess? It takes a lot to go carve an eggplant outta rock just to send you a sexting emoji.

Especially considering you didn't even know what it was for.

[All that effort. Wasted.]

[inaurare]

That is fair.

[...he doesn't have to like it, but there certainly can be some dedication in carving a penis out of stone. There's an extended pause, that light pout persisting as he scrolls back up for the unfamiliar word]

But I think if it were anyone who knew me they would know I don't understand this 'emoji'.

[sakabroto]

Then it's gotta be a secret admirer.

[Eyyyyyy! Mystery (semi)solved!]

I mean, you're pretty, so I can see why guys'd be sending you gifts.

[inaurare]

[there's a moment while he takes that in, his expression neutral for a few extended seconds before breaking into laughter and a shy smile, dipping his head. A glint in his eye as he teases-]

Ah-- well then, perhaps it was you?

[sakabroto]

[Ryuji sputters suddenly, nearing dropping his comm onto his face.]

N-no! I mean!

[He fumbles and quickly tries to rebalance himself.]

I mean - it ain't like I wouldn't, 'cause you're super pretty and all, but I ain't the kinda guy who'd just dickpic you outta the blue. I'm a little classier'n than that, okay?

[inaurare]

I’m sorry - I’m sorry, I meant no offence...!

[he didn’t mean any at all, but there is laughter threading through his voice, through the hands that have risen as if to stifle the expression, the laughter. He needs a little time to school himself, but once he does-]

Forgive me... dick-pick me?

[sakabroto]

No offense! It's just, uh, well, I got a girlfriend who could probably punch me to the moon so I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, yanno?

[seriously. He likes A2, but she's also terrifyingly strong]

....Right. If you don't know emoji, you won't know that neither. It's a shit thing guys did back home to girls they were interested in 'cause us guys? We're stupid. Makes me wanna punch 'em in the face.

[inaurare]

I still don't understand. Dick-picking.

[he can't really hazard a guess, either. Of course it's clear enough that it's vulgar, but he doesn't know entirely what it entails.]

Perhaps it's better I don't understand, if you feel so strongly...