text, u.n: J

[enarms]

Can't help but notice it's been a couple of days without anyone talking about murder. Are we all feeling alright?

Comments

[cacoethical]

i suppose thats true; i have found that people generally dont need much encouragement to commit murder 😩😩😩😩😩😩 its possible my perspective is skewed i mean i do suspect i encounter more murder than is statistically average except maybe for murderers

maybe not even then actually i suppose most of them are stopped eventually and i just keep going 😕😕😕😕😕 running into them over and over

murders i mean though i suppose also murderers either directly or by extension which i do suppose comes with the job but i was sort of hoping we could go a little while without it popping up again

[enarms]

[ oh my... God ]

Turn off your phone for half an hour. Drink some water, get some fresh air, nap. You'll feel better.

[cacoethical]

[Que?]

?????? i feel fine 😶😶😶😶 youre a very strange man

[enarms]

Me? I am? Alright.

I'm mostly just concerned you're going to give yourself a hand cramp.

[cacoethical]

yes for starters youre absurdly selective with your concern 😑😑😑😑

i suppose to be fair that youve got to be especially in certain lines of work

like mine only ive never quite managed it is there a particular secret to it or are you just naturally like this????????????

(i know what youre saying by the way i just refuse to dignify it with a response)

(except for that one)

[enarms]

Let's call it a combination of nature and nurture and leave it at that.

I just find the roughly 1:1 ratio of thought to text impressive, that's all.

[cacoethical]

maybe its just that i have a hard time imagining a situation in which it is actually and completely advantageous not to care

maybe if i could imagine it i could do it

and MAYBE i have a lot of thoughts at any given moment i mean what other ratio would one express them IN exactly??????? i reiterate that you are a very strange man not that this is a bad thing i suppose i should clarify that

more a statement of fact

one i happen to be thinking about at this given moment and am therefore expressing in the perfect ratio of thought to text

[enarms]

The problem is the more you type the less I can be bothered to read so while you might be saying something worth paying attention to I've actually just skimmed and don't have a clue what you're talking about

[ no he hasn't but not having just skimmed doesn't actually help him overmuch in following any of the 7 threads these texts deliver in one fell swoop so it absolutely counts ]

This many words is probably worth just opening your mouth for

[cacoethical]

i find it difficult to be convincingly disapproving out loud 😥😥😥😥😥
again not sure how people do it

[enarms]

You might not know this but you find it difficult to be convincingly disapproving via any medium if the person you're texting has met you

[cacoethical]

I KNOW but its even worse out loud trust me 😭😭😭😭😭 i mean im trying my best here

or maybe not my best but the best i can muster under the circumstances and anyway now ive started its a bit hard to go back isnt it?????

[enarms]

Remind me to make you a star chart

[cacoethical]

dont you dare 😒😒😒😒

wait what do you mean?????

[enarms]

You'll get a silver star every time you try really hard. Ten silver stars make a gold star, five gold stars and you'll get a reward

[ john ]

[cacoethical]

OH see thats extremely rude but still quite a lot nicer than I thought 😄😄😄😄😄 thank you john

i thought it was going to be the other sort you know as a jab about how everyone thinks im psychic even though im not

[enarms]

Oh. No, I was being rude on the terrestrial plane, don't worry. I'm not emotionally or mentally equipped to think about out of this worldly phenomena for fun, you're safe there

That something you get often?

[cacoethical]

incredibly yes

i mean im obviously something but PSYCHIC really????? patently ridiculous

but it turns out the best way to convince people you are psychic is to make a handful of lucky but also educated guesses and then insist that youre not

[enarms]

So in short you did essentially psychic things, played into the most basic "that sounds like something a psychic would say" narrative and you're still hoping people won't arrive at the assumption you're psychic

Tricky that one

[cacoethical]

but im not!!!!! i dont know anything EVER

anyway what kind of psychic would just SAY 'im not psychic'???? makes it much harder to fleece people out of their money for starters

though i guess if i was it wouldnt be fleecing would it?????? in reality though im really not because in reality this sort of thing DOESNT EXIST 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 but you tell people that and suddenly its 'what does this make you think of' and 'what did i draw on this napkin' and 'i want you to concentrate really really hard on these aerial surveillance photos'

so comparatively speaking a star chart is very kind thank you again

actually people rarely take even a profoundly sarcastic interest in my achievements so maybe i should let you do it i mean what do i have to lose??????

[enarms]

If most "psychics" are frauds and label themselves psychic, it follows that people who go out of their way to deny being psychic might just be the actual psychics. If I were you I'd just start shrugging. Neither confirm nor deny, you'll either be mysterious or people will get bored and leave you alone

[ except for probably the ones who are asking you about aerial surveillance photos? not for the first time, John is made incidentally aware that this frazzled man has Seen Some Shit

but now it's time to reply to the last bit and it's... very sad actually. in his limited and yet more than adequate experience of Dirk Gently, he's found he's really not very good at being anything other than an open book, so— hm.

snatching a glance up over at Dirk over his phone there and away again before any accidental eye contact is made do not engage but... hm ]

Better start thinking of a reward then, eh?

[cacoethical]

[At a glance, Dirk doesn't appear unduly affected by the topic of conversation, barring a perhaps uncharacteristically pensive furrow in his brow. The circumstances of... well, any of the things he's just implied, really, are not things he feels like discussing in detail over the network or, ideally, ever -- but he is an open book, and also not very good at filtering these sorts of thoughts out, at stopping them from surfacing in either his internal or external monologues.

The last bit makes him smile though, glance up and aim a wide smile in John's direction, utterly unaware of the harrowing moment of eye contact they've both just narrowly avoided.]

well yes though i suppose some of them i dont want to leave me alone because if they all leave me alone then thats all ill be

what kind of rewards though??????? what are the limitations i mean i can think of quite a few possibilities but ive no idea whats feasible under the circumstances 🤔🤔🤔🤔 in a broader sense than just this in fact ive really no idea whats feasible full stop

but specifically in terms of rewards maybe i could make you a list and you could narrow it down???????????????????

[enarms]

[ jesus christ he just keeps happening. carry on, John. just... carry on, you know? ]

Yeah. Do that.

[cacoethical]

okay!!!!!!!! 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

oh!!! i know!!!! you said you were a doctoring detective maybe you could tell me about some of your cases!!!!! 🕵🕵🕵🕵🕵

[enarms]

That's not a very long list

[cacoethical]

well its obviously not complete yet!!!!!!!! that was just an initial thought 😜😜😜😜😜 its just that were in the same business sort of and i do like to hear about other peoples cases

and talk about mine but that goes without saying i think