So in short you did essentially psychic things, played into the most basic "that sounds like something a psychic would say" narrative and you're still hoping people won't arrive at the assumption you're psychic
anyway what kind of psychic would just SAY 'im not psychic'???? makes it much harder to fleece people out of their money for starters
though i guess if i was it wouldnt be fleecing would it?????? in reality though im really not because in reality this sort of thing DOESNT EXIST 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 but you tell people that and suddenly its 'what does this make you think of' and 'what did i draw on this napkin' and 'i want you to concentrate really really hard on these aerial surveillance photos'
so comparatively speaking a star chart is very kind thank you again
actually people rarely take even a profoundly sarcastic interest in my achievements so maybe i should let you do it i mean what do i have to lose??????
If most "psychics" are frauds and label themselves psychic, it follows that people who go out of their way to deny being psychic might just be the actual psychics. If I were you I'd just start shrugging. Neither confirm nor deny, you'll either be mysterious or people will get bored and leave you alone
[ except for probably the ones who are asking you about aerial surveillance photos? not for the first time, John is made incidentally aware that this frazzled man has Seen Some Shit
but now it's time to reply to the last bit and it's... very sad actually. in his limited and yet more than adequate experience of Dirk Gently, he's found he's really not very good at being anything other than an open book, so— hm.
snatching a glance up over at Dirk over his phone there and away again before any accidental eye contact is made do not engage but... hm ]
[At a glance, Dirk doesn't appear unduly affected by the topic of conversation, barring a perhaps uncharacteristically pensive furrow in his brow. The circumstances of... well, any of the things he's just implied, really, are not things he feels like discussing in detail over the network or, ideally, ever -- but he is an open book, and also not very good at filtering these sorts of thoughts out, at stopping them from surfacing in either his internal or external monologues.
The last bit makes him smile though, glance up and aim a wide smile in John's direction, utterly unaware of the harrowing moment of eye contact they've both just narrowly avoided.]
well yes though i suppose some of them i dont want to leave me alone because if they all leave me alone then thats all ill be
what kind of rewards though??????? what are the limitations i mean i can think of quite a few possibilities but ive no idea whats feasible under the circumstances 🤔🤔🤔🤔 in a broader sense than just this in fact ive really no idea whats feasible full stop
but specifically in terms of rewards maybe i could make you a list and you could narrow it down???????????????????
well its obviously not complete yet!!!!!!!! that was just an initial thought 😜😜😜😜😜 its just that were in the same business sort of and i do like to hear about other peoples cases
and talk about mine but that goes without saying i think
well id hate to put undue strain on our relationship especially given we have to live together so ive also redacted a few items for expediency i mean its nice enough youre doing anything at all
besides i have a lot of ice cream eating to catch up on
if i continue to be obliging then i wont be obliging anymore 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
and if i try to be less obliging ill be obliging you 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
i cant be obliging while im being obliging but i cant not be obliging without being obliging 😧😧😧😧 youve trapped me in an endless paradoxical loop
i can never be obliging again and i can also never stop which by your logic both negates the purpose of the chart and means that any chart once made is immediately filled ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ so many stars too many stars
i would love to oblige you but i fear this one thing may be too much to ask 😖😖😖😖
also weve just got done talking about obliging and how thats now impossible thanks solely to your own recklessness
or ive got done talking about it anyway which i suppose is the crux of your issue
[If John dares look up right now he will be confronted with absolutely, hands-down the shit-eating-est of grins. Dirk is having the most fun he's had in days -- it's rare that he genuinely feels as though has the upper hand in conversation.]
[ well, Dirk. he does dare. and he'll take your shit-eating grin and raise you an absolutely filthy look— there's a chance it was supposed to come off as one thing, but despite being on the losing side he's accidentally having fun too so the hint of a smile tucked in at its corner likely gives him away.
and this is the exact point as which he's spoiling everyone's fun, depositing his phone and moving the approximately three steps necessary to get to the "kitchen". abandon ship abandon ship. ]
I'm thirsty. Tea?
[ because of fucking course he's smuggled teabags down from Thesa, if only because the coffee's under firmer guard ]
[Well, look, just because John isn't inclined to play along via text anymore doesn't mean they have to stop having fun. Dirk certainly hasn't stopped smiling -- on the contrary, he's twisted in his seat to watch John over the back of his chair, fingers curled over the chair back, leaving him looking not entirely unlike some sort of small animal poking its head out of its burrow.]
So, when do we start? Exchanging stories, I mean. I bet you've got loads. I mean, you rather look like you've got loads, don't you?
[ he knows. he knows before he even turns away from the clicking of the stovetop and the filling of the kettle. he knows, and yet he turns around to engage in conversation anyway, and there is Dirk. John does his best to cross his arms and lean against the counter and act like he has conversations in roughly this configuration every day ]
[ oh. it's not really what he's expecting, and that shows in the crease of his brow. there's no missed beat, though, in pushing on and away - ]
I might have one or two. And, [ the kettle starts up with early bubbling, excuse enough to turn and start mucking about looking for cups and sorting things ] there's no time like the present.
[Favourite story, favourite case, favourite anything -- Dirk is frankly just happy that John is willing to talk to him like this in the first place. It isn't that people don't ever, it's just that it's relatively rare for anyone to meet him where he is. John might be doing so grudgingly, but it's still better than he's been given to expect -- and he is, accordingly, all the more willing to lend an absolutely attentive ear.]
[ hmmmm that's a question and a half. a time-buying clearing of the throat. ]
Not sure I've got a favourite exactly. [ depends how you want to categorise favourite, and right now under the pressure of an audience that isn't captive as much as he is captive to it John suddenly doesn't feel at ease to categorise it at all. so. ] You start. I'm busy with the teas.
[ performance... anxiety??? ]
Edited (wrong!! icon!! so why not add Extra Content) 2017-08-14 14:44 (UTC)
[Dirk, to his credit, doesn't look put out, exactly, but he does look faintly disappointed.]
Whatever keeps you sane.
[Of course, that requires thinking of a story, and... well, ever since he arrived there have been a few he's wanted terribly to tell, but there are quite a lot of reasons he hasn't.]
Erm, well, I suppose I could tell you about... no, in many ways Puffles the horse was my greatest nemesis, but in many ways he was also just a horse. Albeit a very clever one. How many horses do you know who could've successfully faked their own death?
[Not many, he'd wager. But no. Dirk drums his fingers on the chair back, sucking thoughtfully at the inside of his cheek.]
Mmm, well, the last one would have to be my favourite, though I should warn you, it runs a bit long. I mean, all of my cases tend to; that's the problem with my method of working, very difficult to recount what actually happened, providing I even understand it all myself, which I rarely do.
[He's suddenly realising why nobody ever actually wants to listen to his stories. Oh, John. You poor fool.]
But this one started in 1886. Well, I suppose it started when everything else did, but for convenience's sake we'll put a pin in it there. 1886, and an inventor named Zachariah Webb, who had built two machines that were actually one. Well, three, eventually, but at the start it was just the two which were also just the one. Same machine, different functions -- only we didn't actually know that at the start.
[ it really doesn't take very many seconds worth of this story for John to realise he's made a mistake. not the worst mistake, not a mistake it's impossible to recover from, but a mistake regardless. Puddles the horse comes and goes and John is, mercifully, busy with the kettle. busy with silently expressing to the kettle just exactly what a questionable decision he's made. How many horses do you know who could've successfully faked their own death? Christ.
the plus side of this situation is he's kept busy and not currently obliged to look dirk in the face while it's being told, it gives him an apparently substantial amount of time to decide which of his own stories to recount and, above all, the introduction of a mastermind horse means that he can deftly and expertly wraps himself in enough layers of suspended reality that he can listen to it as if it were fiction without really applying any actual judgement to whether or not it is.
so, accepting that at this point in his life literally absolutely anything could be real but could also just be a really dodgy multi-genre novel, John nods as the kettle screams and is lifted off the heat. ]
Two machines that will be three machines but are all actually one machine, date 1886.
[ it's a summary, not a question. got it, listening, on you go ]
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Tricky that one
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anyway what kind of psychic would just SAY 'im not psychic'???? makes it much harder to fleece people out of their money for starters
though i guess if i was it wouldnt be fleecing would it?????? in reality though im really not because in reality this sort of thing DOESNT EXIST 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 but you tell people that and suddenly its 'what does this make you think of' and 'what did i draw on this napkin' and 'i want you to concentrate really really hard on these aerial surveillance photos'
so comparatively speaking a star chart is very kind thank you again
actually people rarely take even a profoundly sarcastic interest in my achievements so maybe i should let you do it i mean what do i have to lose??????
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[ except for probably the ones who are asking you about aerial surveillance photos? not for the first time, John is made incidentally aware that this frazzled man has Seen Some Shit
but now it's time to reply to the last bit and it's... very sad actually. in his limited and yet more than adequate experience of Dirk Gently, he's found he's really not very good at being anything other than an open book, so— hm.
snatching a glance up over at Dirk over his phone there and away again before any accidental eye contact is made do not engage but... hm ]
Better start thinking of a reward then, eh?
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The last bit makes him smile though, glance up and aim a wide smile in John's direction, utterly unaware of the harrowing moment of eye contact they've both just narrowly avoided.]
well yes though i suppose some of them i dont want to leave me alone because if they all leave me alone then thats all ill be
what kind of rewards though??????? what are the limitations i mean i can think of quite a few possibilities but ive no idea whats feasible under the circumstances 🤔🤔🤔🤔 in a broader sense than just this in fact ive really no idea whats feasible full stop
but specifically in terms of rewards maybe i could make you a list and you could narrow it down???????????????????
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Yeah. Do that.
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oh!!! i know!!!! you said you were a doctoring detective maybe you could tell me about some of your cases!!!!! 🕵🕵🕵🕵🕵
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and talk about mine but that goes without saying i think
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i guess ill have to go with item two then which is a great deal of ice cream
actually ice cream is item ten or so but i dont think the others are within your power formidable though im sure you are
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That must be some list if everything but ice cream's redacted. Ice cream it is
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besides i have a lot of ice cream eating to catch up on
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[ I'm not anything close to used to this ]
And then we'd have to come up with a new list
[ in 2 deep with this lazily mean joke turned accidental investment ]
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now youve put me in a quandary 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
if i continue to be obliging then i wont be obliging anymore 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
and if i try to be less obliging ill be obliging you 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
i cant be obliging while im being obliging but i cant not be obliging without being obliging 😧😧😧😧 youve trapped me in an endless paradoxical loop
i can never be obliging again and i can also never stop which by your logic both negates the purpose of the chart and means that any chart once made is immediately filled ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ so many stars too many stars
i suppose this means well just have to be friends
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If that's what it takes to keep your texts at under 100 words a set
[ that's (un)friendly banter. so. sort of an okay then ]
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also weve just got done talking about obliging and how thats now impossible thanks solely to your own recklessness
or ive got done talking about it anyway which i suppose is the crux of your issue
[If John dares look up right now he will be confronted with absolutely, hands-down the shit-eating-est of grins. Dirk is having the most fun he's had in days -- it's rare that he genuinely feels as though has the upper hand in conversation.]
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and this is the exact point as which he's spoiling everyone's fun, depositing his phone and moving the approximately three steps necessary to get to the "kitchen". abandon ship abandon ship. ]
I'm thirsty. Tea?
[ because of fucking course he's smuggled teabags down from Thesa, if only because the coffee's under firmer guard ]
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[Well, look, just because John isn't inclined to play along via text anymore doesn't mean they have to stop having fun. Dirk certainly hasn't stopped smiling -- on the contrary, he's twisted in his seat to watch John over the back of his chair, fingers curled over the chair back, leaving him looking not entirely unlike some sort of small animal poking its head out of its burrow.]
So, when do we start? Exchanging stories, I mean. I bet you've got loads. I mean, you rather look like you've got loads, don't you?
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Oh yeah? And why would that be?
[ are you calling me Old Looking, Dirk Gently ]
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[It's not quite like Dirk's own look, his own brand of perpetual restlessness, though it's one he can sympathize with.]
I've found people only tend to look that bored when they've been not bored before.
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I might have one or two. And, [ the kettle starts up with early bubbling, excuse enough to turn and start mucking about looking for cups and sorting things ] there's no time like the present.
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So what's your favourite, then?
[Favourite story, favourite case, favourite anything -- Dirk is frankly just happy that John is willing to talk to him like this in the first place. It isn't that people don't ever, it's just that it's relatively rare for anyone to meet him where he is. John might be doing so grudgingly, but it's still better than he's been given to expect -- and he is, accordingly, all the more willing to lend an absolutely attentive ear.]
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Not sure I've got a favourite exactly. [ depends how you want to categorise favourite, and right now under the pressure of an audience that isn't captive as much as he is captive to it John suddenly doesn't feel at ease to categorise it at all. so. ] You start. I'm busy with the teas.
[ performance... anxiety??? ]
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Whatever keeps you sane.
[Of course, that requires thinking of a story, and... well, ever since he arrived there have been a few he's wanted terribly to tell, but there are quite a lot of reasons he hasn't.]
Erm, well, I suppose I could tell you about... no, in many ways Puffles the horse was my greatest nemesis, but in many ways he was also just a horse. Albeit a very clever one. How many horses do you know who could've successfully faked their own death?
[Not many, he'd wager. But no. Dirk drums his fingers on the chair back, sucking thoughtfully at the inside of his cheek.]
Mmm, well, the last one would have to be my favourite, though I should warn you, it runs a bit long. I mean, all of my cases tend to; that's the problem with my method of working, very difficult to recount what actually happened, providing I even understand it all myself, which I rarely do.
[He's suddenly realising why nobody ever actually wants to listen to his stories. Oh, John. You poor fool.]
But this one started in 1886. Well, I suppose it started when everything else did, but for convenience's sake we'll put a pin in it there. 1886, and an inventor named Zachariah Webb, who had built two machines that were actually one. Well, three, eventually, but at the start it was just the two which were also just the one. Same machine, different functions -- only we didn't actually know that at the start.
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the plus side of this situation is he's kept busy and not currently obliged to look dirk in the face while it's being told, it gives him an apparently substantial amount of time to decide which of his own stories to recount and, above all, the introduction of a mastermind horse means that he can deftly and expertly wraps himself in enough layers of suspended reality that he can listen to it as if it were fiction without really applying any actual judgement to whether or not it is.
so, accepting that at this point in his life literally absolutely anything could be real but could also just be a really dodgy multi-genre novel, John nods as the kettle screams and is lifted off the heat. ]
Two machines that will be three machines but are all actually one machine, date 1886.
[ it's a summary, not a question. got it, listening, on you go ]
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