text | un: roman

[twofates]

What does it mean to love someone? How are you supposed to feel?

[ Hi, everyone. Have an awkward, developmentally-stunted dude who asks weird questions with no preamble. It's a heavy topic most people would probably prefer to discuss with close friends and family, not someone they've never met, but Roman doesn't think like that. It doesn't occur to him that some topics may not be appropriate to post on a network like this with relative strangers.

It doesn't occur to him that some people probably can't relate, or wouldn't care about this kind of inner turmoil. There are plenty of other things to worry about here, too, but these thoughts take precedence to him. Surviving in a strange new world is, to him, almost preferable to the struggles within, those of the heart and soul. ]

Some people don't deserve it, do they?

Comments

text; un: real_life_actual_king

[tummyflowers]

Honestly I'm not sure, my friend. It's not nearly as easy as people make it out to be.

[twofates]

[ While in a strange way, he appreciates the response because this person can perhaps understand Roman's own uncertainty, he hones in on something else entirely. ]

Why did you call me your friend?

[ It's hard to interpret through text, but the question is one of gentle curiosity, not as accusatory as it might seem without tonal inflection. ]

[tummyflowers]

Well, buddy felt a little too informal for this kind of topic and pal seemed too accusatory. I thought 'my friend' hit the right tonal note, don't you think?

[twofates]

I guess. But I'm not really your friend, am I?

[ He will...eventually get back to the topic at hand. Probably. ]

[tummyflowers]

Well, not yet. Did you want to be?

[He's not really picky when it comes to adding people to the fold, so to speak. Usually they just learn to live with it.]

[twofates]

I've never really had a friend. You might regret it.

[tummyflowers]

Oh well, just add it to the list. I've made countless and numerous and incredibly disastrous mistakes so far. No sense stopping now, right?

[twofates]

I guess not. What kind of mistakes have you made?

[tummyflowers]

Well, my marriage for one. Really ties us back to that first point,
doesn't it? Word of advice? Never start any marriage with a kidnapping.

[twofates]

Kidnappings are a bad omen, I'd think.

[tummyflowers]

Oh, so I have learned. See, imagine if you'd been there when it all had happened. You would have stopped me and went, "Richard, buddy, maybe don't kidnap this peasant to marry you. It could turn out that she's a power hungry bitch incapable of feeling any kind of love for anyone except herself."

And you know what I would have said? I would have said, "Why yes, friend, that does seem like something that could happen."

[twofates]

[ He can't help smirking a little, because it is an absurd story. ]

I would have had your back. As your friend.

[tummyflowers]

[And it's a 100% true story too!]

Exactly! So, let me hack your back here. Who has you all spinned up,
hm?

[twofates]

[ For most of his life, it's been his mother and sister who've screwed him up. Neither one of them genuinely loved him, but he was certainly a useful pawn for them. He knows that now, at least. ]

I've met some people here who were kind when they didn't need to be. I like them.

[ Surely that's a helpful explanation, right... ]

[tummyflowers]

Ah and you've fallen in love with them for it? Well, can't say I don't identify with that a little bit.
Easy mistake to make, thinking that genuine human kindness is actually love.

[Or that a paid nanny actually loves you when your parents don't because hey, Richard's been there.]

[twofates]

I don't know if it's love. No one I know has ever loved me so I don't know what it feels like.

[ Over text, it could probably sound like self-pity, but Roman simply has no filter. He's just stating a pure fact. ]

[tummyflowers]

I feel you there, my friend. I often think about what it feels like,
though. Probably a bit warm, I imagine. Like a large, familiar blanket.

[This IS self-pity. Also pure fact. But self-pity too.]