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[voice-to-text] un: Linneus
Hello everyone. I've a slightly irregular circumstance I hoped someone might help me with. I debated whether or not I should ask, but-- well, it's been a few days and if-- I suppose if it belongs to someone it's unfair I hold on to it just out of embarrassment.
It's this:
[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.
Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]
It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?
It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.
[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]
((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.
Help. Help him.))
It's this:
[and here, he attaches an odd image - a photograph of an eggplant, carved out of stone. An unusual subject as stone-carving goes, and certainly an odd thing to be so uncomfortable over that he doesn't seem to want to show his face over the network... but voice to text seems to be doing a great job of catching all of his hesitance over this.
Because the problem is that for Linneus - and only for Linneus - it looks like a giant stone penis.]
It is not the first thing I have had abandoned outside my house, but why this, I haven't much of an idea. There was no note, no explanation, so if anyone could suggest where it might have come from? Whom I might return it to...?
It is a... "distinctive" ornament, so I suppose it's also possible Lula might have taken it.
[which leads to the slightly horrifying thought of Lula proudly running around who-knows where, for who-knows-how-long, holding that]
((tl;dr, Linneus' ACP reward was an enchanted jewellery box shaped like a erection - a dildo of holding, if you will - but only he can see that it's basically a giant phallus. Everyone else sees an eggplant.
Help. Help him.))
text; id: RK
Have you noticed anything strange about it?
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Anything strange? Aside from it being a large stone-- eggplant itself, do you mean?
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[it's a giant stone dick. To Linneus' mind, it's pretty straightforward.]
I'm relatively confident the only strange thing about it is its turning up on my doorstep...
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Maybe you need to investigate harder.
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And how would I find out if this is enchanted?
[the idea of enchantment is making a little sense, though, given that others are seeing one thing and he is seeing another. Just... if that is the extent of the enchantment, it's a little sad.]
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I'm not an expert in magic, but shouldn't an enchantment enhance an item's properties? It could be related to the item's intended use.
Now ... Have you figured out what that's for? It just looks like a paperweight to me.
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There's something I've been holding back.
That is... not holding back exactly, but it hasn't come up. I mean- [phrasing] That's more to say the topic hasn't... been raised...
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Oh? Spill it, then. I have no time to listen to dawdling.
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It’s a stone sculpture, still, but of something... rather more intimate.
Anatomical.
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And you keep dancing around the subject, too.
Are you looking at a penis?
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I am looking at a penis.
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[ Rohan why would you ask this ...
He's just interested that Linneus is seeing something he can't, even if that thing is a penis sculpture. ]
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[he's not sure if that makes it better or worse but, well, at least the secret's out...]
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Finally, he arrives at a conclusion. ] ... I've figured it out. What you're looking at is a sex toy, enchanted to look discreet.
[ He's wrong but it's the obvious answer, from the clues presented. ]
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[but he can't imagine anyone being so hard-up as to have to use it. Ivore was backwards in a lot of ways, they certainly didn't make their dildos of stone...!]
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I guess, here is where I should say 'Enjoy your thoughtful gift'.
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[behold, the voice-to-text rendering of the least enthusiastic laugh in the world.
If it was tailored to him, that means someone else knows of his past, doesn't it? And for this to be his gift means that to someone, his past is all he is. That's not really great, for Linneus, so far as he is concerned...]
It's rather a lot of trouble to go to, don't you think?
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You also got something for free. There's no reason to complain.
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[he's still having a hard time thinking it is...]
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It's just there was no note - no indication...
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