elnysa | text; un: gamora

[ His look of uncertainty goes hidden, but eventually—

He sighs.

Then, ]

I can explain about the Kevin Bacon thing, by the way.

[ YEAH, MISTER QUILL, WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS KEVIN BACON THING? ]

All right. Go ahead.

[ Get to the explainin'. ]

[ SIGHS.

And maybe this will be weird, that Peter is quickly switching to a private line, but this is. Treading into the weirdly personal, and considering Rocket has been going around and gossiping about Peter behind his back and that this is still a public network, where half the folks on here seem to be waiting for some kind of bloodbath (the sadists), Peter's feeling a little paranoid. ]

Footloose was a film. [ to the surprise of absolutely no one. ] I saw it when I was a kid, and it's, like, one of my favorites of all time.

I wasn't lying about what happened in it. There's still a town with a bunch of jerks who banned dancing, and Kevin Bacon still basically, like, breathed life into a town full of folks who just kinda didn't know what to do with themselves. They were seriously damaged and depressed, and, you know. Miserable.

You following me?

[ She leaves the line private, because she knows that if there's a reason Peter wants this to go unsee, it should be respected. She doesn't interrupt him, lets him continue. ]

I'm following.

Why did you say that it was a legend?

I dunno. 'Cause I'm a liar?

[ And he says it lightly, with that bare thread of self-deprecation that betrays that he's not really joking, as much as it might seem like it. ]

You wouldn't have listened to me if I had said— [ And he adopts a nasally sort of pitch. The Nerd Voice. ] "Hey, there's this really cool movie from Earth that I saw as a kid."

[ ... Okay. He has a really good point. She would have brushed it off and rolled her eyes at that point, because she hadn't... really come around to understanding who Peter actually is. It wouldn't have mattered, because he was a pain in the ass, and she was going her separate way after selling the orb, and—

She listened because it sounded significant. It sounded like a part of a world that Peter had left behind, and it was... important to him.

Even if an entire town with "sticks up their butts" sounded beyond absurd. ]

You're right. But why did you love it so much?

I was, like, six? Seven?

[ The film came out in 1984, but he didn't see it until later, when it was shown on television. ]

And I was—

[ He hesitates, glancing around. It's not like there's anyone who'd care to listen in, but he's still feeling weirdly embarrassed.

When he speaks again, his voice is lower, the words cast a little more reluctantly. ]

I was... scrawny and scrappy as hell as a kid. I was constantly getting bullied, 'cause I kept getting into fights with these assholes at school. These bigger kids were, like, always picking on smaller kids and kicking dogs and killing lizards, and I just— it pissed me the hell off, so I went after them. They always kicked my ass, but that wouldn't stop me.

[ He pauses, licking his lips, and he seems to realize it must sound like he's babbling. Like he's trying to offer up some stupid little sob story to make her feel sorry for him. Which totally isn't what he's going for, here. ]

This is going somewhere, I promise.

Edited 2018-05-15 05:42 (UTC)

I'm listening, Peter.

[ She's listening, even if he feels like he's babbling. Gamora pays attention in moments like this, when it feels like Peter is being honest; it matters what he tells her, and it matters that she remembers it.

Giving him a chance to share himself without feeling like she's disregarding that vulnerability matters.

(She doesn't know if she could probably articulate the "why" of it, beyond the fact that it does.) ]

[ He sighs again, taking a second to drag a hand down his face. ]

Okay.

[ Ostensibly, it sounds like he's acknowledging her words, but mostly, he's trying to psych himself up. ]

Okay. So. I'm this stupid, scrawny kid who doesn't know when to leave shit alone, and I'm constantly coming home with black eyes and notes from the teacher about how I'm, like, being a shitty little instigator or whatever. And I'm watching TV one weekend, and this movie comes on.

So Kevin Bacon's on the screen, and he's not, like, super ripped, he's not jacked as hell. He's just a dude, but he's, like so badass, and people just sort of flock to him, 'cause he's so cool, and he's, like, legitimately trying to make people better, you know?

So you've got me, at six or seven years old, getting picked on every day. And then there's this movie, where a dude who loves music and loves to dance comes into a town filled to bursting with dickwads, and he fights for what he believes in, even if people are total pricks to him and try to shut him down or kick his ass at every turn. And he wins. He changes people's minds, and he makes people happy.

[ Another pause, and he lets out a frustrated breath.

Defensively, ]

I dunno. It just really stuck with me, okay?

[ Gamora is quiet as she digests everything Peter just told her.

And—

She gets it. It makes sense. Peter, throwing himself into fights he had no hope of winning, trying to do the right thing, like—

That first night in the Kyln. He threw himself in the middle of something when he owed Gamora nothing (less than nothing). Or Knowhere, when he saved her life in the deep, black vacuum of open space, when he still owed her nothing. He did it anyway, when he was so close to dying. Xandar. Ego. Moments all when Peter didn't "know when to leave shit alone."

So his infatuation with this film, his fondness for Kevin Bacon – it makes sense.

She doesn't say anything at first, and then: ]

I can see why.

[ But her tone is soft, nothing derisive or judgmental. ]

[ He fidgets where he's sitting, though it obviously goes unseen. ]

Yeah.

[ A little quietly, not quite sheepish but very definitely self-conscious.

He takes a rallying breath, lets it out on an explosive sigh.

His tone starts off sharp, defensive, but his voice loses its edge with each passing word: ]

So it wasn't a legend or whatever, and obviously Kevin Bacon wasn't this mythical hero, and sorry about lying about it, but it's still kind of a big thing for me, and it's basically the best movie of all time, and it meant a lot to me as a kid, so—

[ And he falters, loses steam, and falls quiet for a heartbeat or two. ]

So. Sorry for making you think it was a bigger thing than it was.

Edited 2018-05-15 06:28 (UTC)

[ If they were sitting together, he'd be able to see her shake her head, see how she's lost that suspicion and confusion over why he'd lied. ]

It's fine.

[ Because it is.

She's quiet as she gathers her own thoughts, and this last part is cast with her own hesitation, an uncertainty that comes with her vulnerability. ]

... Thank you for telling me.

[ That.

Makes him frown at his comm for a second, because he was still sort of gearing up for an argument, was still sort of mentally preparing to defend himself.

Gamora had sort of, you know. Taken the Kevin Bacon mythos, such as it was, to heart, and it was sort of like, he knew he couldn't really back down from the lie, but he knew he should've cut it off at the pass before it got out of hand, but—

There it went, getting out of hand anyway. So he sort of leaned into it.

He's quiet for another second, then, ]

Are you pissed about it?

I was.

[ And that's honest, because she'd been confused about the lie. She knows that Peter is a liar, and she knows that he lies to her, but that had startled her to discover the truth from someone else so suddenly.

But the way that Peter explained himself helped. It showed her more of who he is, and she can never find it in herself to reject that. ]

But not now.

[ He winces at that, and only just stops himself from hissing in a breath.

Yeah. Okay. Look, Peter's an asshole, and he freely admits it. He's asshole enough that it might take forever for him to apologize for messing with Gamora's comm (he'll be shouting, "It was just a joke!" with his dying breath whenever she finally sees fit to strangle him), but he does have standards, has his own code of conduct, and— he fibs. He tells tall tales. He lies through his teeth and does it with a smile.

But he's trying to get better about being honest with Gamora. Especially with Gamora. Maybe he's still in the habit of withholding and stretching the truth, but he's trying not to outright lie to her.

Which is why he offers another quiet, ]

Sorry.

[ A beat of a pause, and then, ]

Apology accepted.

[ It's a small thing, by most standards – taking an apology when offered – but Gamora knows how much it means for Peter to genuinely apologize.

And that much felt genuine. ]

[ —it's weird, how much of a relief those two words are. Weirder still that he should even feel relieved in the first place.

But maybe that's because he so rarely apologized and meant it, and rarely did anyone ever accept them like Gamora has. If he fucked up, he had to make up for it, somehow, had to pay back his mistakes with twenty times interest.

Old instincts die hard, apparently, which is why he carefully asks, ]

Are you sure?

[ She sighs at him – just a short huff of breath – but her annoyance is half-hearted. ]

If I wasn't sure, I would have hung up on you.

... yeah. Okay. Fair.

[ But the words are still cast uncertainly, all the same. His teeth catch on his lower lip for a second, then—

this is going to be risky. This is— this might be a bad move. This could, like, be a totally dumb maneuver, but—

Oh, fuck it, says an all too familiar, reckless voice at the back of his head. ]

I can make it up to you?

[ and he blurts the words out before he can think anymore on them. ]

[ That catches her momentarily off guard, and she stares at her comm for a moment, her head tilted just slightly. ]

... How do you intend to do that?

[ It's not necessarily reluctance because she doesn't trust him, but rather, she's not sure what avenue he might think will justify lying about Kevin Bacon. ]

I, uh.

[ —"didn't think this through," is what nearly escapes his lips, but— ]

I could... take you out for a drink? Or, um. Dinner. Maybe. If you wanted.

[ THANK GOD THIS IS PRIVATE

no one will see him flounder his way through this, and no one will see him potentially get shot down faster than a plane in a demilitarized zone. ]

[ Well, that was awkward.

But at least Peter managed to get the sentence out, so that's something.

And it's also something that Gamora doesn't have a short, immediate "no" waiting for him – or, hilariously more likely – prepared just to interrupt him, and instead: ]

You can take me to dinner.

[ He's waiting on the rejection, honestly. He's waiting on the "thanks, but no thanks. Because you're a total sleaze."

(He found out later, how those stupid slices of cake were basically spiked, how it had made them feel all weirdly... affectionate, and they hadn't really talked about the things they said or the way they had, like, cuddled because of it all.

Which has made things a little uncomfortable since he's been back.)

So when she like. Says yes, he has to stop. Recalibrate.

Then, ]

—Yeah?

[ It comes out a few shades higher than his normal timbre. ]

Like... really?

[ She's not surprised that he asks, just to be sure, but maybe someday Peter will learn to take Gamora at her word. ]

Really, Peter. We can do it tomorrow.

[ Tonight, she's getting fed by a dork with glasses. ]

I— yeah. Okay. Tomorrow.

[ —oh, shit, that's really soon, actually. Like— tomorrow tomorrow?

... oh god.

No. Okay. Stay excited, Peter. This is good. This is a good thing. And Peter grins, wide and bright and unrestrained, though thankfully for him, it goes hidden. ]

I, uh, guess just think of where you wanna go, and we'll plan on it.

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