Video; un: rtozier

[summertimeblues]

[The feed begins with a man in his late thirties, one hand welded to his forehead in consternation. Adjacent is a swanky looking turntable, and stacks of records can be seen on a table behind the sofa. The titles are indiscernible but it looks to be a ballpark of about fifty albums.

He stares into the camera, desolate.]

All right kids, I'll concede: my folks would have cracked my radio if they heard how much I let The Doors holler out of it. I know it's a pattern and every generation thinks the one after it is a tasteless pack of miscreants. And I've been keeping an open mind. I can't afford not to. Music was my job, and for the most part the stuff hitting the airwaves had been pretty solid. Whoever's been picking out tunes for me up above has been doing pretty damn swell so far, too. Soundgarden was great, Lauren Hill, the Alabama Shakes — there's a lot of good shit I've missed out on because my apocalypse hit so early.

[He takes a deep breath.]

But today, I need an explanation.

[He takes a record out of a sleeve. Sets it on the player and closes his eyes in bitter resignation as the thing gets rolling.

His jaw clenches tight as the music starts.

"Hiya Barbie!"
"Hi Ken!"
"Do you wanna go for a ride?"
"Sure Ken!"
"Jump in!"
"I'M A BARBIE GIRL! IN A BARBIE WO-O-ORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC, IT'S FANTASTIC!!"

A comely but irate redheaded woman stomps into the background.]

If you don’t shut that off, there’s going to be cats clawing at our window to check out who’s dying!

[Richie rips the record off, vein pulsing in his forehead.]

Music is dying, Bev! It's over! We've lost the war!

[She scoffs, disappearing once more. Richie looks to the camera.

He snaps the record in two with a malicious crack and tosses the pieces behind him.]

I don't know who allowed this to happen, but you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

[The video cuts out. Please deposit your apologies and condolences below.]

Comments

[impavid]

Well don't look at me, I didn't record it!

[summertimeblues]

If you did, you would have needed a gorilla grip on your balls to pull off Barbie.

[impavid]

Which is not my thing. I'm more a Johnny Cash kind of guy.

[summertimeblues]

The Man in Black? I would grant your wishes but he's not in my stacks yet. Maybe the next batch they beam down from up above will make some space for country.

[impavid]

[ You'll make his heart flutter, Richie, offering him good music like that. ]

If it does, just let me know your going rate for bribes. I'd pay handsomely for the privilege. Along with your charming company, of course.

[ Flattery gets you everywhere: a John Sheppard story. ]

[summertimeblues]

You don't have to go buttering me up like a dinner roll, but if you're offering bribes who am I to turn one down?

You'll know first thing, scout's honor.

[impavid]

Maybe I like buttering you up!

[ Maybe he just really misses decent music okay. ]

[summertimeblues]

A likely story.

[But who can blame him? Just for that, Richie makes a small concession and reaches for something less country, but still classic.

"Hey hey mama, said the way you move
Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove..."]

[impavid]

[ This is actually genuinely soothing for John.

He's got a thing for music, and with Earth apparently... well, gone to the storm he has little other way to hear it. ]

Sounds like you've got a pretty good collection okay, recent stumbling block aside.

[summertimeblues]

[You and him both, pal. As if that wasn't blatantly obvious by now.]

It's doing its best to tide me over. Maybe in another two years I'll have half of what I'm used to working with.

But beggars can't be choosers I suppose. I'm grateful to have anything at all, I get antsy without a tune rolling in the background.

[impavid]

If I can find anything like a guitar in this place I'll fill in the gaps in your collection with some questionable covers. They're better if you've been drinking.

[summertimeblues]

[That gets him laughing.]

My old neighbors had one, I'm sure you can pick up something close to a Fender around here. I'd be happy for the excuse to drink.

[impavid]

If you're struggling for an excuse you're not trying hard enough.

[ Cool way to sound like a potential alcoholic, John. ]

[summertimeblues]

[Is this guy an alcholic...]

Well I've been cutting back after the kidnappings but I'm hardly going to keep away from the stuff.

[impavid]

From my short lived experience they keep inventing reasons for us. That said, I definitely regretted the free drinks at the peace party. Turns out free is not always better.

[ Who knew. He will not learn from this mistake. He will make it again repeatedly. He cannot say no to 'free'. ]

[summertimeblues]

Of course not. It's usually why they're free.

I bartend at Shades Darker if you're ever in the mood for something better. It's not solely about the hookers down there, but I promise not to judge if you go for the main attractions.

[impavid]

[ ... Huh, that's funny because -- ]

I just took a job there! As a bouncer, I should note, which probably makes showing interest in the main attractions fraternising.

[summertimeblues]

Have you now? The world gets smaller every day. Stick around after last call and I'll fix you something off the books.

[impavid]

I assume we're still talking about drinks here.

[summertimeblues]

[.........uh]

Yes, what else would I mean?

[impavid]

[ Man does he need to work on judging these things. ]

It's a brothel. It was also a joke, for the record.

[ Just in case you think he's actually expecting some kind of off the books orgy. ]

[summertimeblues]

[this is also a man who only learned to text like six months ago, tone is difficult

also he's Not Gay™]

Pity for you that I only work the counter. You'll have to settle for second best I'm afraid.

[impavid]

My heart is shattered into a hundred pieces, but a drink will help me get over the pain.

[summertimeblues]

that I can provide. See you around, Slick.