Video; un: rtozier

[summertimeblues]

[The feed begins with a man in his late thirties, one hand welded to his forehead in consternation. Adjacent is a swanky looking turntable, and stacks of records can be seen on a table behind the sofa. The titles are indiscernible but it looks to be a ballpark of about fifty albums.

He stares into the camera, desolate.]

All right kids, I'll concede: my folks would have cracked my radio if they heard how much I let The Doors holler out of it. I know it's a pattern and every generation thinks the one after it is a tasteless pack of miscreants. And I've been keeping an open mind. I can't afford not to. Music was my job, and for the most part the stuff hitting the airwaves had been pretty solid. Whoever's been picking out tunes for me up above has been doing pretty damn swell so far, too. Soundgarden was great, Lauren Hill, the Alabama Shakes — there's a lot of good shit I've missed out on because my apocalypse hit so early.

[He takes a deep breath.]

But today, I need an explanation.

[He takes a record out of a sleeve. Sets it on the player and closes his eyes in bitter resignation as the thing gets rolling.

His jaw clenches tight as the music starts.

"Hiya Barbie!"
"Hi Ken!"
"Do you wanna go for a ride?"
"Sure Ken!"
"Jump in!"
"I'M A BARBIE GIRL! IN A BARBIE WO-O-ORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC, IT'S FANTASTIC!!"

A comely but irate redheaded woman stomps into the background.]

If you don’t shut that off, there’s going to be cats clawing at our window to check out who’s dying!

[Richie rips the record off, vein pulsing in his forehead.]

Music is dying, Bev! It's over! We've lost the war!

[She scoffs, disappearing once more. Richie looks to the camera.

He snaps the record in two with a malicious crack and tosses the pieces behind him.]

I don't know who allowed this to happen, but you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

[The video cuts out. Please deposit your apologies and condolences below.]

Comments

[catfident]

Drinking, mostly. A lot of fighting, if you're into that sort of thing.

[ which richie the stick does not seem to be ]

[summertimeblues]

[diagnosis accurate, soft boi is not here for the fisticuffs]

At least the former we can agree on. So you're a scrapper then, are you?

[catfident]

That's one word for it. Why, are you interested in a fight?

[summertimeblues]

Honey, do I look the type to you?

[catfident]

Appearances can be deceiving.

[ see: her tiny 5'1" frame ]

But I'll be sure to remember that and stick to drinking around you.

[summertimeblues]

[He wants to be surprised. But take a look at exhibit a: literally every refugee is a weirdo vigilante.]

Wonderful. I'd rather my liver take the hits than the rest of me. I might work in radio but I'd still rather keep my nose straight.

[catfident]

I'm sure you would look just as charming with a broken nose than a straight one.

[summertimeblues]

How delightfully supportive of you. Want to be my girlfriend?

[catfident]

You mean the attractive young woman who stepped in momentarily isn't your girlfriend?

[summertimeblues]

Oh, Bevvie? Nah, sweetness, she's an old friend. Our stars are crossed, 'twill never come to be.

Besides, she never got close enough for you to spot it but there is a ring on her finger. I'm no homewrecker.

[catfident]

Unfortunate. I like her.

[ From the whole ten seconds she saw Bev for. ]

But I'm not interested in dating at the moment, you'll have to find some other unsuspecting woman to romance. With music like that, how could anyone turn you down?

[summertimeblues]

Isn't she just a peach?

[He probably pauses to blow her a kiss. Likely gets a middle finger for it, who knows.]

What a crying shame. You're wounding me. How am I to move on without you?

[catfident]

I'm sure you'll find a way. But I'd be happy to give you a hand, if you really need one.

[ just literally push him right on over ]

[summertimeblues]

See, it's that kind of generosity that's gonna have me falling for you all over again.

[catfident]

That's a lot of talk, but I prefer a man with follow-through.

[ not that it matters since she already turned him down ]

If what you just played was so terrible, then what do you consider good music?

[summertimeblues]

You want me to follow through on being rapturously charmed by you? Baby, it's already happening.

Oh, lots of stuff. But I grew up on Rock'n'Roll.

[catfident]

Has stringing that much nonsense together and piling it on a woman ever actually worked for you?

[ she's gotta know ]

[summertimeblues]

Yes, actually.

[He ain't fibbing, neither.]

[catfident]

[ incredible ]

And yet you don't have a girlfriend here. Unless your plan is to collect a multitude of girlfriends all at the same time?

[summertimeblues]

I'm not exactly hankering for something serious, Miss Goddess. I'm just trying to enjoy my life.

Mind you, you're so invested in my misery it's hard not to think you're already an ex.

[catfident]

I'm invested in everyone's misery equally. You're hardly special.

[summertimeblues]

💔

i legit thought this was a gagtag

[catfident]

Surely you aren't that disappointed.

It is v serious i assure you

[summertimeblues]

How can I not be? Rejection is sting with no salve, Yoruichi, especially from a dime like you.

[catfident]

Only a dime? Surely I'm at least worth a whole quarter.