elnysa | video; un: rtozier

[Surrounding a pair of stained and rumpled tomes is a jumble of a barbershop quartet. You have Yusuke Kitagawa, focus plastered to whatever he’s sketching in a tidy notebook. Red, last name unknown, is continuing to copy letters into her own collection and keeps her phone ready at her side. Richie Tozier and Dorian Pavus are the only ones paying attention to the video feed. Ironic, as neither one of them should even know what a livestream is.]

Greetings to the damned, coming in live from the asbestos-caked halls of learning down here in Olympia’s residential nerd district. My name is Rich, this is Dorian. Say hi Dorian.

Greetings, from your local residential… nerd? What does that even mean, dear Richie?

It means a well dressed man. [Richie smiles sweetly at the fossil sitting adjacent before turning his attention back to the camera.] Over here and ignoring the masses are people of lesser import. Anyway, we’ve all gathered here because we took up some of that under the table money in exchange for odd jobs, and today they stuck us up here in the book prison. We’ve been tasked with translating all this old hocus pocus and we found some interesting stuff, looks pretty well like a related spell. I know some of us remember that cuh-lossal skull in a cave. Terrible vacation destination, by the way, piss poor accommodations and it’s definitely haunted. Just a hunch, but I think something died in there.

More like they were rather exquisitely prepared, died, and then proceeded to serve a "higher calling." [Dorian rolls his eyes, leaning forward to take up more of the screen.] It’s a question of what that higher purpose is. Judging by the preparations of the whole thing, it’s either incredibly sanctimonious or incredibly… condemning. Shall we show them the texts?

[One of the people of "lesser import" look up at this time — the one with bright red hair — as if on cue ( really, it was just some good timing ). Takes a brief moment to roll her eyes at the dramatics unfolding in front of her, but she reaches for her phone nonetheless; soon, a text attachment shows up with the video. Otherwise, she doesn’t look like she has anything to add, and quietly returns to her work.]

There you have it. Take a looksee, it seems we’re missing a beginning and an end there. Any other fun tidbits would also be appreciated if you’ve got them. I personally have always wondered how bar mitzvahs are conducted in magical medieval empires. Do they have a ceremonial gremlin for it? I’m too scared to ask the locals.

[Richie suddenly frowns, sidetracked by the human noodle etching in silence across from him.] Hey Stringbean, what are you drawing? Is it me? [He leans across the table to snatch the notebook. Lovingly (and quite skillfully rendered) is the skull in said cave. Richie gasps in delight.] It is! It’s me when I’m dead! What a cuuuutie!

[He’s now leaning bodily over the table to pinch at the teenager’s cheeks. Red makes a face, the camera jumbles and goes flat and pitch black on the table. The last thing heard before the feed cuts is Richie’s yelp of pain (Red's boot has found his shin) and Dorian’s long groan.]

((OOC: The text will be added as a comment to the post! Any one of the four losers present may reply, but it's mostly going to be Richie and/or Dorian.))

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No, see, the other alien put on some smooth jazz and slipped its—

[It is precisely this point when the fussbudget turns up. Richie claps the trap and clasps his palms together with feigned angelics. Point taken though, this is the library. He shares a private smirk with Dorian as they leave, popping his tongue into his cheek to make a suggestive bulge. Blink and you'll miss it, and turned specifically to the side so the kid and the lady aren't privy.

He likes this guy. Dorian may be several laps behind the times, but he's got gumption and a proper sense of fun.]

it used to be an honor in some cultures, particularly if you had a swell deal in the afterlife for corking it in this one. In some of them you were told you'd get to become a god yourself.

That's a hell of an incentive to a barbarian if you ask me.

[ Thankfully, discourse does not go the way of alien dingle-dongles. And Yusuke is, as planned, blissfully unaware of this tomfoolery, too absorbed in matters such as murderous dragon rituals. ]

As though someone gnawing on your femur helps one attain godhood? Ridiculous. [ He is judging all these incredibly dead people. ]

[Oh, the questions Dorian would have about alien dingle-dongles if it weren't for librarians and infantiles. He presses a hand to his chest and leans back in his seat as if he's positively scandalized, then hastily picks up his phone to send a bunch of questioning eggplant emojis and question marks to Richie.]

🍆🍆🍆🍆⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

[Ah. That's the group chat.]

Oh. My apologies, but still relevant. Sucking on skin is definitely preferable to to gnawing on bone, but these WERE centuries ago. They were primitive, then. Perhaps there was something addictive about this ritual, or it was... necessary. They don't seem to be doing it now that they're extinct.

[ Red was blissfully unaware of whatever stupidity Richie was getting up to until Dorian decided to completely ruin it. It doesn't take a genius to figure out, between Richie and Dorian, what the fuck eggplant emojis mean, which means—

She shoots a glare at Richie, and reach to kick his shin a second time. Dorian gets a pass because she just met him today, but he still gets glared at nonetheless. ]

"participate in the harvest more willingly" doesn't sound like it was addicting at all.

[Richie has the werewithal to keep his anguish down to a hiss this time. In turn he shoots Red a withering look.]

quit trying to ruin my dance career.

[Honestly, if they get kicked out it'll be because she can't keep them feets to herself and she's too adept at hitting the same bruise. Such unnecessary violence.

On the other hand, he's delighted with the new knowledge of what the food section of emotes are really for. Thanks bud, will use this recklessly.]

maybe they were sacrificing their enemies? If it was a struggle to hold the sucker down that would make sense too.

on another note, one of our avid listeners pointed out that it's a tidbit suspicious that the fair city of Olympia is paying a high buck for all this prime Wyver know-how in the middle of all this contention. Did they know what might be in here, you think?

[ why are they vegetarian chat now, why can't they just stay on task for two minutes. ]

The temple acolytes often claim to act in the light of their Goddess, not politics. [ While he feels no real sentiment for the church itself, they have provided some good ins to snoop around Olympia's institutions for murk. So that's something, but lord knows if their agenda is any more honest for it. ] Though that does beg the question———what do we do with this information?

[ Who's to say this ritual is even in play anymore...? ]

Well, I think that much is obvious. We test it out ourselves, and eat Richie.

[Dorian types this, flashing a grin nudging Richie's arm with his elbow before he continues on.]

Surely we'd notice if anyone were still practicing this, yes? It can't be anything to worry about.

[ Without missing a beat ( because Richie definitely earned that one— ), her smile sharp: ] I can get behind that.

With how they talk about the rituals, it doesn't sound like it's happening now. I'd just like to know why it started. [ Why it stopped is kind of obvious. ]

[Richie takes the elbow nudge but with a mummery of deep betrayal. Red gets equal share of this sad strings orchestra. He even presses the back of his hand to his forehead and pretends to wilt, a stricken woman on her favorite fainting couch, before finally putting the ham aside to write back.]

enjoy your nicotine poisoning assholes

normally i'd chalk it all up to hookum and superstition but considering where we are, it probably did do something significant. Is there any history of being able to

[He pauses, and his exasperation is plain to read. Fuck magic, fuck space, this was all such goddamn baloney but he must.]

turn into a dragon or control them? Ride them?

[ The people have spoken. Farewell, Richie. ]

Mr. Tozier's unfortunate yet inevitable demise aside... I do recall seeing some mounts.

[ The rest doesn't seem so improbable to him either, because he's not some loser normie. ]

But I'm no expert on Wyver affairs. Who knows how deep their fixation for dragonkind runs?

[Not some loser normie... sure Jan.]

They do drink their blood. It isn't really all that appetizing, I've found.

It doesn't look very appetizing.

What are the chances of blood drinking evolving from ... that, though?

well humanity did the same with the body and blood of christ, but it was always stale crackers and cheap wine

gotta say it really fires you up, i didn't feel like myself until i'd gone through three days of a gin enema

video; un: rtozier

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this is my real tag fuck you guys

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get dunked on dorian

children please

who's the child here

all of you, clearly

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