elnysa | video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[ Byerly, a handsome fellow with a hard-to-place accent that just sounds a bit different, is lounging on a couch. The angle isn't entirely flattering, since he's filming himself while laying supine, and so there's a view sort of halfway up his nostrils that is a little bit too much information. A bottle of brandy dangles from one hand, and his voice is slurring just a bit. This fellow seems quite drunk. ]

Bonsoir, you grunting peasants and cultureless rubes, and happy Winterfair to all. For those of you who are cultureless monsters, Winterfair is a time when gifts are exchanged and joy is had. My gift to you is that I won't call any of you peasants again for the duration of this broadcast. Winterfair was also the last Emperor's birthday, or thereabouts, which meant everyone had to give him their taxes for the year, but mine's not till later, so you don't need to pay me till then. I'll let you know when taxes are due. Start saving up now.

So what should you all give me instead? I suppose to begin with you could entertain me. What do you say, my cream puffs - a little game of two truths and a lie? You know the rules, since the rules are literally the name of the game. Go on, play with me, do. I'll start. I'm currently rightful Emperor of Barrayar, my great grandfather Pierre once showed up to a Winterfair ball soaked in blood to send a message, I'm terrible in bed.

Anyone who opts out of the game, I'm going to assume they're simply too in love with me to speak with me, so don't play at your own risk.

[ He winks, and then lifts the brandy to his mouth - and it apparently goes down at a bad angle, because he sits up, coughing and spluttering and getting alcohol down his front before he shuts off the feed. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm also told it's a good place to make a few silvers if you're too useless for anything else.

One would think an emperor would have a better hand on his money.

Would you know, I actually do work there. Though another point of order, please - sex work is actually quite a skilled trade. It's not an easy thing to charm people, though you certainly do make it seem effortless.

While not my profession of choice, I was not disparaging anyone who does so. Other than alcohol, sex is a wonderful boost for morale.

Call me mad if you will, madam, but you seem rather soldierly. Am I wrong?

I'm rather Generally, yes. Is that an issue, Mad?

[Is she trolling him or taking him literally? The world may never know.]

[ What a lovely lady. ]

Not in the least. I was supposed to be a soldier myself, you know.

I did not. [She looks him over as well as she can given the device.] And what caused your change of heart?

Ah, the early starts. Soldiers have to wake up so very early in the morning.

[She really should have guessed. It was that or the workload. ]

Hmm, I think that would have been the least of your concerns if you had joined.

Oh, do tell. What would have been the greatest of my concerns?

[ He grins in anticipation. Somehow, Byerly seems quite psyched for the impending insult. ]

It would depend on your reason for wanting to join in the first place, but for most soldiers... dying.

[She would have gone with the fact he'd have been immediately crushed under her heel if she'd had to deal with him at Briggs, but somehow she thinks he might have enjoyed that answer.]

Au contraire, ma geante. Death would be a relief. I would much sooner die than get up before the sun rises.

And on days when the sun doesn't appear to rise?

Why on earth wouldn't the sun appear to rise? An eclipse?

Extreme Northern location, blizzard conditions, sandstorm... there are many reasons.

Well, as a Vorrutyer, I wouldn't have been stationed to any of those places.

As an Armstrong, I demanded one of those places. There are no cushy positions when your country is constantly on the verge of war. [She is not thinking about Mustang. She is not thinking about Mustang.] And if you want to get anywhere, you take the assignments no one wants and you turn them into the one everyone talks about.

Oh, don't be ridiculous! Of course there are cushy positions. How about those handsome fellows who stand guard at parades - they get chosen just for how good-looking they are.

If they want to be in line to throw themselves in front of a bullet meant for the Fuhrer, let them. I'd rather have a group of men who know their worth and are willing to work for it.

Men who would rather sit around looking pretty are only good for stepping on, and over.

What a phenomenally erotic sentiment.

[ Theeere it is. ]

[She walked into that one - pun intended. Dealing with Roy Mustang has its advantages though. ]

Ah but dear boy, I'd demand dinner first. And you're broke.

[ Oh? More playfulness than he was expecting from her. ]

What if I could find a way to pay for your dinner?

You'd be broke again.

In more ways than one.

The happiest fate I could think of. Would you go with me?

Start saving now, and I pick the place.

[He's not getting off with something stupid or cheap like pizza.]

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