video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly, a handsome fellow with a hard-to-place accent that just sounds a bit different, is lounging on a couch. The angle isn't entirely flattering, since he's filming himself while laying supine, and so there's a view sort of halfway up his nostrils that is a little bit too much information. A bottle of brandy dangles from one hand, and his voice is slurring just a bit. This fellow seems quite drunk. ]

Bonsoir, you grunting peasants and cultureless rubes, and happy Winterfair to all. For those of you who are cultureless monsters, Winterfair is a time when gifts are exchanged and joy is had. My gift to you is that I won't call any of you peasants again for the duration of this broadcast. Winterfair was also the last Emperor's birthday, or thereabouts, which meant everyone had to give him their taxes for the year, but mine's not till later, so you don't need to pay me till then. I'll let you know when taxes are due. Start saving up now.

So what should you all give me instead? I suppose to begin with you could entertain me. What do you say, my cream puffs - a little game of two truths and a lie? You know the rules, since the rules are literally the name of the game. Go on, play with me, do. I'll start. I'm currently rightful Emperor of Barrayar, my great grandfather Pierre once showed up to a Winterfair ball soaked in blood to send a message, I'm terrible in bed.

Anyone who opts out of the game, I'm going to assume they're simply too in love with me to speak with me, so don't play at your own risk.

[ He winks, and then lifts the brandy to his mouth - and it apparently goes down at a bad angle, because he sits up, coughing and spluttering and getting alcohol down his front before he shuts off the feed. ]

Comments

text; un: unchained

[hedonistic]

hahaha you know making 'terrible in bed' one of those is gonna have everyone thinking it's one of the truths right

i'm guessing the emperor one because the blood-soaked ball sounds fucking awesome

[vorrutyer]

Quite wrong, dear fellow. Emperor Byerly III, rightful ruler of the Barrayaran Imperium.

[hedonistic]

idk man i feel like i need some proof here
do u have a crown or some other fancy royal shit

[vorrutyer]

The only symbol of office for the Barrayaran Emperor is the camp stool, alas.
I could definitely pull off a fancy crown.

[hedonistic]

ah, well, i guess i can't really ask for a stool sample over the network now can i

[kAGARI?? don't be gross....]

i'll just have to take your word for it
which means the ball must be the lie
a real shame

[vorrutyer]

Not a bit! That was the event that solidified the nom of my esteemed ancestor Pierre Le Sanguinaire.

[hedonistic]

wait isn't that like french or some shit for bloody
did this guy literally change his name to pierre the bloody

[bless kogami for being a literature nerd]

ok that's too awesome not to be true so i'll give you the bang prowess one
but i feel like i need to demand a more exciting lie on the next set

[vorrutyer]

I'm waiting on yours.

[hedonistic]

i'm getting to it, man
you can't rush these things

[he is a shitposting artiste okok]

1. where i'm from almost all our food is made of genetically modified oats

2. alcohol is illegal so you can only get wasted virtually

3. the orbiters grabbed me while i was in the process of being blasted into oblivion

[vorrutyer]

Oh dear heavens please let it be #2. That's too horrifying a prospect for words.

[hedonistic]

hahaha
isn't it tho
but yeah, that's the one
not that a lot of people don't stick to virtual anyway
fear of addiction, and all that

[vorrutyer]

Is it cheaper?

[hedonistic]

maybe
like i said, most of our farmland is used for oats now, so most kinds are harder to come by
but the stress care industry is huge and most people won't take the risk with real alcohol so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Kagari only knows the basics of relative prices tbh; one of the things about being an Enforcer was that you don't typically get to buy things yourself. You put in requests for purchases, and then an Inspector approves them. Living expenses aren't much of an issue, either, when you're effectively a prisoner of the government.]