elnysa | video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

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video; un: eproghuefgdzptrrw

[ Byerly, a handsome fellow with a hard-to-place accent that just sounds a bit different, is lounging on a couch. The angle isn't entirely flattering, since he's filming himself while laying supine, and so there's a view sort of halfway up his nostrils that is a little bit too much information. A bottle of brandy dangles from one hand, and his voice is slurring just a bit. This fellow seems quite drunk. ]

Bonsoir, you grunting peasants and cultureless rubes, and happy Winterfair to all. For those of you who are cultureless monsters, Winterfair is a time when gifts are exchanged and joy is had. My gift to you is that I won't call any of you peasants again for the duration of this broadcast. Winterfair was also the last Emperor's birthday, or thereabouts, which meant everyone had to give him their taxes for the year, but mine's not till later, so you don't need to pay me till then. I'll let you know when taxes are due. Start saving up now.

So what should you all give me instead? I suppose to begin with you could entertain me. What do you say, my cream puffs - a little game of two truths and a lie? You know the rules, since the rules are literally the name of the game. Go on, play with me, do. I'll start. I'm currently rightful Emperor of Barrayar, my great grandfather Pierre once showed up to a Winterfair ball soaked in blood to send a message, I'm terrible in bed.

Anyone who opts out of the game, I'm going to assume they're simply too in love with me to speak with me, so don't play at your own risk.

[ He winks, and then lifts the brandy to his mouth - and it apparently goes down at a bad angle, because he sits up, coughing and spluttering and getting alcohol down his front before he shuts off the feed. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

the opposite.

Ah...Unless that was a lie...?

if that were the case, i would be especially off to a bad start.
since you've already begun the game.

All right, very well. Tell me three truths instead. That will be fair.

won't it be less fun for you to know that they're all truths?

Oh, yes, certainly. But it'd be better by far than never getting to ask you a thing.

well, thank you for making compromise with me.
i'll guess now.

is the first one the lie?

Not a bit! You may call me Your Imperial Highness.

i'm wrong.

[Acceptance of this fact is why she types it.]

do i get another chance?

[ He takes a moment to marvel at how earnest this person is. Good heavens. What world could possibly produce a creature like this? ]

I would never deny you. Please, go ahead.

[;_; She's just glad she gets to join in at all, Byerly. Even if it's in an unconventional way.]

i wonder which one.
it's challenging, isn't it?

this time, i choose the third option.

Well spotted, my friend! I am, indeed, fantastic in bed. Well done.

Now! It's your turn.

all right. if you say so.
i am not sure what you'll want with these, it's not as exciting.

[Brace yourself!!]

i think cherry cakes are the best flavor, but like every kind of cake.
except i can't eat chocolate, even if it has a nice taste.
i am happy and thankful you let me play this game with you, despite my not being a very good opponent.

[ Good God, what is going on right now. Those three facts are so impossibly...earnest? Sweet? Pure? Heavens. Is he being made fun of right now? He must be. Right? ]

No chocolate! What! Whyever not? Chocolate is one of the great joys of this life. My heart breaks for you.

i agree with you! it taste too good, and sometimes, i can't stop
myself from a taste, but i am allergic. this is why.

Ah! And then...You must be rushed to the hospital? Just how allergic are you?

a small amount will give me a stomach ache.
a little more than a small amount will make me bring up sick, which is unpleasant.
i don't like it.
if i lay very still for most of the day, it passes.
i'm hearty. i can cope with such things easier than some.

usually, after a first bite, it dawns on me that it wasn't a good idea.
but then, i'm not the best at resisting temptation.

[ He smiles in spite of himself - and smiles genuinely, a warm little grin that he certainly wouldn't show to anyone on the network. ]

You're in good company - neither am I. Have you ever had alcohol?

[ Which is not a question he'd ask many people. But if there's anyone he's ever met that doesn't seem likely to be a drunk, it's this one. ]

sake.

forgive me.
i've distracted you from what you set out to do, haven't i?

Not a bit. What I wanted was fun. And you're fulfilling that. In any case, I'm terribly prone myself - overindulging, waking up the next day feeling horrible. And yet I continue.

[This has her thinking back to his initial broadcast, which she didn't put much mind to since seeing someone make a mess of their alcohol isn't new to her. Usually, it only ends up an embarrassment at best, and she wouldn't decide to draw attention to it.]

are you unhappy?

[ Ah. No, that wasn't...what he'd intended. He'd intended for them both to chuckle over their shared foibles. Not to provoke a question like...that. An uncomfortable question. He passes it off flippantly - ]

Not till the bottle runs out! But fair's fair, if we're suddenly talking about silly things like emotions: are you unhappy?

[Byerly.]

i'm very happy!
but i do get sad. it's not possible to always be happy.

[Even for someone like her.]

and i think those points of unhappiness are as necessary as happiness.
you don't know the weight of either until you've experienced both.

[This is almost all that she sends, but because she doesn't consider it nothing, and wants to show him it's okay to talk about things, she shares much more than he probably anticipates.]

once, a very long time ago, after losing everything i'd known intimately, anyone i came across
would sooner wave a stick or club at me, than show me warmth.
and i felt starved to get across the affection that feels too large for the shape of me.
i was patient, and waited until i could prove myself, and they found reason to be good to me.
i got to forgive them for misunderstanding me, and they got to forgive me for scaring them.

now, people show me a lot of warmth, and they're very kind to me.
i always feel like i'm going burst from that kind of joy.
but i don't know that i would have understood it in this way without what happened before.

why do you think they're silly?

[ It really isn't often that Byerly is genuinely at a loss for words. He always has a quip or a comeback or a cynical jibe. But it's not an insult, so a comeback wouldn't be worth anything; there's nothing there to quip about; and he can't mock it. He simply can't. No more than he could mock someone who'd come to cry on his shoulder. This is just the problem: he's a scoundrel and a rake and a ne'er-do-well and a bastard, but he's not quite enough of any of those things. He wishes, sometimes, that he were, that the little kernel of human emotion in his heart could be drowned out once and for all. But then he'd be as much a monster as his Vorrutyer cousins...

He just doesn't know. He tries: ]

Well, because they're irrational, aren't they? Emotions are driven by all these silly little chemicals getting loose in your silly little brain. The organism driving itself to favorable evolutionary circumstances. Like love - love is just a manifestation of the desire for the propagation of the species. Anger, the competitive instinct. So on and so on. You know.

if they get out of hand, they can become irrational.
and, in part, what you say may be true.
but i don't think emotions came to be by accident.
life isn't completely lived without them.

you can learn so much from the variety of emotions.
what you should avoid, what kind of person you want to be, who you want to give your time to.
to experience things like loss, or heartache, or loneliness teaches a person how to have the strength
once they pull through to be empathetic.
so, if later, they come across a person who is acting out for similar reasons, trauma, something dark hanging over them,
they can assess what's happening more easily, without being cold, and think, "this person is going through something. i'll have to be a little more patient with them."
not to say, you should ever let people take advantage of you, but emotions help with this, too.
you learn what you can take, and you learn to be brave, and you can learn when to say enough is enough.
you can learn how to tell someone you love them, without sacrificing who you are.

in my experience, people who don't want to feel anything, or think emotions are meaningless,
are very afraid of something. sometimes, a lot of the time, themselves.
life isn't a gift given so that it can pass by, or be neglected, or strictly for furthering of the species.
life is meant to be wholly experienced, even with emotions that may not make sense to you at any given time.

this took me awhile, and you might not agree. that's all right.
it's what i believe, and if you've read it, then i can't ask for more.

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