I. | audio | un: sparkler

[flashystyle]

Is... is this thing on? [Excuse the uh, distinct sound of someone tapping a screen like an old person.] Hello? Oh! There you are. Excellent.

So, now that we've gotten the world's-- sorry, the universe's biggest trust fall known to man and not-man, I think it's time we start popping the question. The real question. No hypotheticals, no, excuse me, [Dorian voice turning a pitch higher in imitation of... someone? Who knows. This is probably the collective voice of all of you. It's incredibly inaccurate.]

If I had the chance, I'd do it! They're a bad person! They killed hundreds of people, or... or one time they looked at me funny and they had shiny things galore! [ahem] We've all had drama against one another, with no real way of proving they're a terrible person other than the game of he said, she said, so! Let's get straight to it, shall we?

Have you, yes, you, killed someone or... something? Poof, gone, light left their eyes if they have them, turns out they're dead forever or it's like a five-minute deal. Whatever have you; it still counts if they stopped breathing.

If yes, why? Should we all expect a knife in our back? Get electrocuted to death? Be made to walk off a cliff? What are the qualifiers for this sort of thing, really? Personal vendettas? OR... perhaps you were playing the hero. [the deets, give the sweet deets.]

If no, well... I didn't think that far ahead, truth be told. You're more than likely surrounded by murderers, so... what's... a food you miss? Murderers can probably answer this as well, perhaps we'll find some sort of connection. [or, like, just listen to how many people you met have killed someone? have fun with that.]

Comments

text

[flashystyle]

I was thinking of using the numbers as reasons to order more whiskey, but that might just be a good idea.

[Her assumptions aren't inaccurate, but there's no way he could have anticipated this amount of of blood on everyone's hands. Uh, help?]

It's nice to get to know your neighbors, isn't it?

[valcurie]

( the tone of the text does come as something of a surprise; a quirked brow at her screen as she wonders. honestly this shitshow is much more distasteful than it is shocking or even surprising. he struck her as callous, so the thing that does come as a surprise to her, is his. )

Most of us are humans, right? It has been my life's work to help people, so I have often had to deal with how cruel we can be to one another.
But you should have mercy on your liver and drink tea instead. No need to poison yourself over someone else's action.

[flashystyle]

[Despite his lack of tact, callous isn't the impression Dorian's meant to leave. But he isn't really doing anything to improve his image, now, so it might just be something he'll have to live with.]

You're a healer, then? That's good. Things will eventually wind up turning south with some folks, because they always do. We'll need your sort of skill.

However, I think I'll have to decline. There's a certain quality of alcohol that tea just doesn't have for those who need to drink themselves into a stupor.

[valcurie]

( whatever his impression, she is still a doctor. )

A doctor's work is never done.

So do you really want make it more? You have a choice, you know. Why don't you do something more constructive, like, I don't know, knitting? Imagine if you knit a jumper for every person our group has killed.

[flashystyle]

I daresay I'll have killed myself from stabbing needles in the wrong places one too many times. Knitting jumpers instead of drinking, what an idea! It must suit you more than it suits me.

[valcurie]

Not quite. I'm more the type to stick needles into other people and knit them up.

[flashystyle]

I may just have a proposal for the both of us, then. I take up a needle, and you take up a needle for when I ultimately stab myself. With a needle.

[valcurie]

Because I've needled you about drinking?

I believe you could help me create the perfect business model.

[flashystyle]

I demand compensation if you happen to make any coin from that, I'll have you know. At least 5 percent.

[valcurie]

5%? You're killing me here.

( HAHA because of the post subject. get it. )

[flashystyle]

You're killing it with this humor.

[someone take their phones away from them]

[valcurie]

Murder, she punned?

I guess I will be sent to the pungeon.

( this is her letting off steam. please don't drink over this. )

[flashystyle]

[jokes on you, he's drinking anyway]

I'm afraid you're going to face grave charges.