elnysa | VIDEO | UN: Trafalgar

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VIDEO | UN: Trafalgar

[The video feed that opens up on Law has a bit of a jarring background of metal and glowing screens, a sight many will recognize as the stasis pods aboard Thesa Station. He's taken an excursion in the midst of everyone's weird forest adventure. He's sitting now on the floor of the chamber, back up against one of the control panels to the pods. It's an especially odd place to be, because if you squint you'll notice that there's a chair within view of where he's sat, yet he's still chosen to remain on the cold metal floor.

He doesn't actually speak right away, simply staring blankly at the feed as if he'd turned it on as an afterthought. When he does speak, it's with a heavy bitterness as if he's been wronged in some way. As far as he's concerned, he has been, but he's certainly not going to speak openly about that.]

Do you ever think maybe we're all dead and this is actually hell? I've been thinking about it and I think it explains a lot about our situation.

[Anyone who's met Law before knows that his resting state is looking vaguely tired. Today is different. This isn't even the sleep deprived tiredness he'd had when he was working overtime tending to the injured months ago in the aftermath of the dragon. No, this is something different, an emotional exhaustion, manifesting as a redness around the eyes rather than just his usual dark circles.

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I imagine I might as well if I were to go and look. Honestly I haven't because I felt that the way to honor those that I know would be to not do so. To trust them to be here and safe or simply to honor their memories if they are not.

[Crossing his legs, he rests his hands in his lap for now. There will be time to give Law more affection but for the time being he just wants to offer his presence to him. A chance to have someone there to lean against without being called out for it.

Sometimes, that's just what a person needs. To know someone is there. Those are Iskandar's thoughts on the matter.]

I know my Master came here often to wait for me to wake up though.

[To not have it called out is really what Law needs, since he approaches the vulnerability of physical affection with the trepidation of a startled wild animal. He could dwell on the first comment, worrying after whether the man thinks less of him for not having that same assurance about his own crew, but.... Let's not, for now.

He'll take the chance to change the subject, instead.]

Right, Waver-ya. I've met him. He seems... eager to prove himself.
[That's the impression he got.]

He's better than he was when I first met him.

[He chuckles a bit. He still remembers when his Master first summoned him. How almost disappointing he'd been at the time. So much has changed since that then.]

If he's being more so around you though then I imagine you must be bullying him.

[He doesn't sound mad about that.]

Good. He needs it at times.

[Yeah he's not mad.]

[Law lets out a short laugh. Bullying, sure, maybe a little. He might have tried to deny it, but there's no point with Iskandar being happy with it, for some reason.]

That's a strange thing to want for someone you care about.
[He didn't say he did, but from what little information he has, and what he knows about this man, he's sure it's the case.]

Now I'm wondering if you've been bullying me as well.
[It would explain some things, he thinks.]

Do you think that you need it?

[He doesn't confirm if he has been or not. Though he supposes in a way he has. Pushing Law out of his shell a bit. But really it's all worth it in the end. It has brought him closer to the man.]

I think when you are doing something like that with the intention of love or affection that there is not a lot of harm in it.

... I don't know what I need.
[Said flatly, because it's not cloaked in eight layers of padding and caveats like so much of what Law admits about himself. It's just the honest truth. There's a long pause, where he weighs what he should address next, but all of them seem so very daunting, so he continues to divert;]

Aah, I have to confess my intentions in picking on Waver-ya weren't so benevolent. I just thought it was fun to get a reaction out of him.
[It's like he's trying to get yelled at, or something.]

[He shrugs at the confession.]

I used to smack him around for being stupid and tiny with his desires.

[Basically if you're hoping that Iskandar will yell at you then that's not going to do it, Law.]

[Just wait, he's not done trying yet!!]

What qualifies a desire as "stupid" or "tiny"?
[He feels like revenge might qualify in which case he has another confession.]

His reason for summoning me was to prove that he could essentially. He could not look beyond the childish notion of proving he could do things too.

[This doesn't surprise Law, given what he's gotten from his two conversations with the guy. He definitely seems like someone with something to prove. It's not exactly something that drives Law, personally, but there's definitely been points in his life where he just wanted to leave proof that he existed, in prett drastic ways when he thought he didn't have much time left. But that was a long time ago.]

... I don't think I ever apologized to you for the other day. Getting so drunk you had to take me home.
[And also falling asleep in the middle of... things, but he's not quite ready to talk about that so directly.]

Hm? Why would you need to apologize for that? I got to hold you while you slept!

[He counts that as a win. Then again when it's a slow burn to get Law into this, he counts a lot as a win.]

[He'd been so miserably hungover when he'd woken up the next morning, Law had honestly thought he'd dreamt that. He's not sure if he's glad or mortified to find out it really happened, but Iskandar seems happy about it, so he supposes he should just accept it.]

... I just have the distinct impression that I made a fool of myself.
[He remembers the events of the evening, increasingly vaguely as time went on, but he doesn't have any actual gaps in his memory. Just maybe a bit loose on the details.]

I didn't even get the chance to clean up.
[Not that it was a particularly cluttered living place, with how it wasn't even entirely permanent. Just generally disheveled between scattered papers and the disorganized nest of blankets he kept on his bed]

Bah! I make a fool out of myself all the time. There is no fault in that. Besides, I like your place. Especially the nest of blankets. That reminds me a great deal of how I lived when I was still ruling my lands.

[Of course his beds with pillows and blankets had been grander but that's another matter entirely.]

I'll have to visit again so you can better recall me holding you.

[The very concept that anything about the way he lives could be comparable to that of some grand ancient king is already a lot to process, but then Iskandar has to go turn on the charm again, and now he's just embarrassed. The one consolation is that sitting next to the man, leaning against him, means he doesn't have to look at his face when he says that.]

You can hardly call it making a fool of yourself when you seem to have entirely abandoned the concept of shame.
[As far as he can tell, anyway. That said, he falls quiet for a long moment as he grapples with the many, many mental blocks that make this entire situation so embarrassing and anxiety inducing. Working harder to fight past them hasn't exactly bit him in the ass yet, so he figures he aught to keep at it.]

... For that matter, I don't see why you have to come to my place to do that. I'm right here.
[It's not a direct request by normal standards, but even though he manages to keep his voice level, there's a tenseness in his chest and shoulders that's almost palpable.]

I suppose that is true!

[Of course he laughs before tilting his head. Because Law hasn't come out to say he wants to be cuddled but he is quite sure that's exactly what he's asked for. His face melts into a warm smile and he reaches over to actually gather Law onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him, nuzzling into the side of his head.]

You are right here. So here...I give you a memory you will recall.

[Law's first impulse is to immediately extricate himself, the way he did the last time Iskandar pulled him onto his lap. It's instinctive, rejecting the softness and vulnerability the position put him in. But no, he asked for this, that would be insane. God, why did he ask for this, he's clearly not prepared to handle it.

Law takes a few moments to just try and steady his breathing. That gives his brain enough time to uncoil the anxiety a bit and just really take in how warm it is. Maybe not quite as warm as a hug from Bepo, but it's really hard to attain the soft warmth of someone who's literally covered in fur. This is nice in a different way.

Finally, Law seems to relax and actually throws his arms around Iskandar's chest in turn, grip tight in an almost desperate sort of way. He just really needed a hug, and is only just now realizing this.]

Thanks. For a lot of things.
[As much as he means this, he's also making a concerted effort to not ruin the moment by threatening to scatter Iskandar's limbs to all corners of the Isles if her ever mentions this to anyone. He's keeping it down, but know that the urge is there.]

[He can feel the exact moment that Law relaxes, when all that tension bleeds away. There are times when people simply need to be embraced, to be held. In this moment, that time belongs to this man and Iskandar is glad he can provide him comfort.

So, he holds him close and just smiles down at him. He can't always be there for everyone that he cares about but right now he can be here for Law.

Chuckling softly, he shakes his head.]

There is no need to thank me. I do none of what I do for the gratitude. It may feel nice to get it certainly, I am a very greedy man. However, I do all things I do for you because I like you and care about you. Your heart has impressed me since we first met and if but an embrace from me can help it to remain true and good then I'm going to provide that.

[He changed his mind, this is just too much. Especially now when the vision of Rocinante is still so fresh in his mind. His grip loosens, though he doesn’t actually extricate himself at this point because he’s just too tired.]

There’s nothing true or good about it. I spent the last thirteen years becoming a criminal for the sake of getting revenge. If it hadn’t been for me, Corazon wouldn’t have died and he could’ve stopped Doflamingo. I was just cleaning up my own mistakes.
[All this said in a low, defeated tone. If Corazon had been able to pass his intelligence onto the marines properly, surely they would have been able to put a stop to him long before it became impossible. The country of Dressrosa would have been saved years of torment and subjugation.]

I don’t know how you can carry the deaths of so many people on your shoulders and not feel crushed by guilt. I’m always thinking about how things would be better if I’d died back then like I was prepared to.
[He can’t do it NOW since Corazon gave him this life but god does he really hate having it sometimes. He also distinctly feels like he’s saying far too much, but he’s been put in a certain deeply complicated mood where in the pit of his stomach he really wants to just yell but it’s held down there by just so much mental exhaustion from how long he’s held onto these concerns.]

Mm. I suppose I could have a lot of guilt since I have personally led many to their deaths. However, would that be fair to the people who have died? Would they wish that? It won't bring them back and it won't make anything better. So, I carry their wishes with me instead and look forward instead of back.

[Because that's what he feels it means to be King.]

As their King, I cannot afford to wallow in guilt and sorrow. They need me to look towards. As for you, I think you are being quite stupid right now. Obviously things wouldn't be better if you were dead.

[Leaning back, he catches his chin to make him look up at him.]

I want you to think about every single face of every single person you have saved. Either in a fight or with your medical abilities. Think of all those faces right now.

[In the pit of his stomach, Law knows Iskandar is right. As usual, just saying a whole bunch of cool shit that is absolutely true, that Law doesn’t really want to hear because he knows it, but it’s so hard to act on it. However, he’s still also a deeply stubborn person, so when his head is lifted his gaze is aimed firmly off to side, not looking at Iskandar, a firm frown on his face.

He is thinking, though, of faces. The children who’d been experimented on by Caesar. Most of his own crew, from Bepo to Jean Bart. Countless people whose name he doesn’t even remember who he’d encountered on his journey. Luffy. He tries to focus on these, not on the ones fighting to surface, the others, his family and Corazon, the ones he didn’t save.]

... What’s your point.
[He’s choosing to keep acting stupid, you see.]

[He only has one thing to say. Just one question.]

Do you want them to be dead?

[Law practically winces, as much as he knew that was the point Iskandar was making, hearing it said aloud really makes it hard to ignore. The answer is obvious. Of course that’s not what he wants. They both know that.]

You’re saying I should focus on the people I’ve saved instead of the ones I lost.
[In short, more positive, less wallowing in the past. Got it, message received. As far as Law’s concerned, actually following that advice would be nigh impossible, though. But he can’t say that, can’t say it’s easier said than done, that it’s not in his nature. He can’t and doesn’t because he knows these aren’t acceptable answers for this man. He has to try.

He falls quiet for a long moment, the sullen stubborn scowl fading into his usual, contemplative frown. Thinking about why he’s so unwilling to let go. Well, here especially, his memory is all that’s left of a lot of these people. But, actually. He’s got a relic of the past right in front of him, doesn’t he?]
I... I want to tell you about some people. If you’ll listen.

I am.

[He knows Law doesn't think he can do it but he won't hear of it if he claims that. When he doesn't, he smiles. Good. That is acceptable. He can deal with Law at least trying even if he thinks he'll fail. That thought of failure is something they can work on another day.

Because right now? Law wants to tell him about people.]

I'll listen. For as long as you want to talk.

[Law's quiet for another long moment as he gathers his thoughts, sorts out how best to say what he needs to say. Despite his earlier discomfort, now that he's used to it Iskandar's lap actually seems to be a good place for him to get his bearings.]

My parents were both doctors. My mother would always encourage me and my sister in whatever we tried to do, and my father seemed to have memorized every medical textbook we owned. When everyone in Flevance came down with Amber Lead Syndrome, they chose to stay behind and tend to people as best they could. There wasn't a cure, but that was the sort of people they were. They were dedicated to their work. My sister was just a normal little girl who wanted to play outside and would always smile and call out to me even though I was.... always gloomy, I guess.
[He's quiet for a long moment, not elaborating on why this is all past tense. There's no point getting into the Tragedy of Flevance. But it's clear from the hard look in his eyes. It's the look of someone who's weathered something horrible and wasn't the same afterwards.]

After I escaped Flevance, all I had was anger, because that was easier than being sad. I wanted to pay the world back for what it had done with the few years I had left. Corazon found me then. He refused to accept that I was doomed to die, he kept trying to find something to cure me no matter how many times he failed... And then he made sure the last thing I saw before he died was him smiling so I wouldn't be worried, so I'd remember him that way, I think...
[He trails off, just thinking of that last moment, relieving at the time as Corazon assured him they'd escape together. That he was safe and loved. That everything would be fine.

It hadn't been fine, but that was par for the course, wasn't it. He curls inwardly a bit, leaning back against Iskandar's chest.]
More people should know about them, I guess. They deserve that much.

[He could say something during all of this but instead he remains quiet to give Law the time to get this out. The man is sharing with him something so deeply personal that he doesn't want to interrupt the moment. Law deserves the chance to speak freely.]

I know about them now. That is a start.

[Strong arms wrap tight around Law as he lowers his head to nuzzle against his neck.]

You have known some truly wonderful people in your life.

VIDEO | UN: Trafalgar

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I forgot to mention how Bepo is a bear but Iskandar probably just accepts that on its face

lol I know he is. you told me!