video, un: littlealbatross

[soulmakingsound]

[What the viewer sees first is hair. Long black hair obscuring the lens of the camera while River fiddles with it. The camera and the girl are both on the floor, and she leans back eventually, sitting against the foot of her bed while she talks.

She never looks directly at the camera.]

There are too many choices.

People talk about getting to go home. Going back to rebuild. I hear them in the halls, in their rooms. Making plans.

But what of the rest of us? The homeless. The lost. The ones who came after the dragon, who never settled.

I opened my eyes and there was snow. I walked where they told me to, stayed where they told me to, and that was easy. And now they give us choices.

Which train to take?

Which life to choose?

Comments

[soulmakingsound]

Intriguing. Requires further thought.

Some more than others. I have been decently welcomed so far. But nothing is permanent.

[mollymocked]

We are a surprisingly pleasant bunch, aren't we? [He grins, all teeth and cheekiness.] You'd think we'd all be grumpy about the situation we're in.

[soulmakingsound]

I have met the grumpy ones, as well. I am not entirely pleased with the situation. But so far attempts to alter circumstances have failed.

[A pause, and a sigh, tipping her head back to look at the ceiling.]

There is a sense of wanting to return home and not knowing where that is. Serenity. Serenity feels closest to the word home.

[mollymocked]

[It does not occur to him one bit that serenity is not a state of mind.]

Well... Fortunately, that can be found just about anywhere you go. Might be difficult, but... doable.

[soulmakingsound]

It's a ship. Serenity, named for the Battle of Serenity Valley. The captain was a veteran, so was Zoe.

But it felt right, the name. Some days were hard, many days were hard. But many days I'd wake up and play games and eat apples and feel like a real girl. That's what made it home.

[mollymocked]

In my experience, home's more about a people than a specific place. They're what makes it whatever it is, but I know that doesn't amount to a whole bloody lot if half your people are probably still asleep.

[soulmakingsound]

Only one so far. A good one, at least, if people can be ranked. A few new people have been found but people are not engine parts.

They can't be swapped.

[mollymocked]

No, they most certainly cannot. [Not that he knows what an engine is, but the sentiment is pretty clear. You can't swap people. The Nein are not the circus. They're just a different sort of people.]

Well, sometimes all you can do is build something new out of what you've got left. Just take all those awful feelings and channel them into things you actually have control over.

[Maybe one day he'll realize he doesn't necessarily have all the answers or even good answers and he doesn't have the charisma to back it up, but...He tries. In an arrogant know-it-all kind of way.]

[soulmakingsound]

I could dance again. Balance, strength, patience. Focus. I wonder if my body remembers how.

Do you think if a body was attempted to be rebuilt for another purpose, it will remember what it used to be?

[mollymocked]

[..............................................

That is the sound of Molly's brain flatlining. ]

That's a very good question. I think... that there are some things that can't be forgotten.

[There's just no way to bullshit around his extremely complicated feelings on that subject.]

[soulmakingsound]

I've touched something you didn't want to remember. It was unintentional.

I wonder how many here had similar experiences. Being reshaped into something terrible. Something they didn't want to be.

[mollymocked]

[almost too quickly:] I wonder how many got shaped into something they did.

[after all, he's the product of the reverse- being shaped from something terrible into something he wanted to be.]

[soulmakingsound]

So you can be good again. If you try hard enough? [There's something like hope in her voice, in the slant of her eyebrows. Tears at the corners of her eyes if you look close enough]

How much good does it take to outweigh the bad? I work easier with equations.

[mollymocked]

I'd like to think so.

[don't tug on his heartstrings like this. he's a big softie underneath all those horns and glitz.] I think it's just... making the world better. You do what you can to not make a total mess of things, you make people happy, leave places better than you found them, and it balances out. One way or another, it balances out.

[soulmakingsound]

A chemical equilibrium. Both sides of the equation have to balance. You can't subtract from the bad side but you can add and add to the other until it balances.

Where will you go? To do your good things.

I'm taking my chances in Olympia. There seems to be more good there.

[mollymocked]

Ye..es? [He is not a smart person. He did not understand any of that, but it... checks out.]

I'm actually thinking Olympia as well... For now. I don't like staying in one place for very long.