video; @unchained

[hedonistic]

[There video opens to a beautiful scene of a sunset at the Fishing District, sky painted in magnificent pinks and oranges that reflect against the pristine ice. A few moments later, a young man's voice accompanies it, tinged with the telltale slurring of someone who's rather drunk.]

Hey, question.

[A pause hangs in the air for a minute, almost long enough that one might wonder if he's gotten distracted or forgotten.]

Did you like your life, before the Storm? [. . .] If the Natha gave you a chance to go back, would any of you stay here?

[Kagari doesn't miss Japan. He doesn't feel homesick. He misses his friends, sure, but he's had more in the past nine months than he did in the twenty-one years before it. But he's starting to feel like the only one.]

Comments

weh!!! i love these sad nerds

[hedonistic]

[Kagari's skin crawls at the implications of what Linneus is saying. Much as he thinks of himself as a hardass who doesn't give a shit, he's always held a vulnerability toward kids because of what he's been through. Thinking about other kids suffering like he did always makes him feel vaguely ill; there's a reason why he can't stand to hear kids cry, even now.

There's no response on his end for a long while, too, while he actually thinks about what to say and how to say it, for once. When it comes, this one seems less like a kneejerk. It's probably the most honest Kagari's been with him, up to now.]

i never had anyone, as a kid
its a long story but my parents gave me up when i was little too
the government had this tech to figure out who all wasnt fit to be part of society and i spent my childhood locked up for the benefit of all the "wholesome" citizens on the outside
the only friends ive ever had i didnt make until i was about twenty
i died for them, you know?
id do it again
but i wouldnt do it for most people

you, though
you said you werent strong enough to help me down from that roof but you tried to anyway
you let me into your house before you even knew my name
you gave me stuff you bought for yourself because i happened to need it at that moment
youd probably even risk your life for me, even though i wouldnt for you
youre probably like this with everyone, and it pisses me off

when i met you i thought you were at least like my friend with her perfect happy life who never really knew how garbage people really are
but i was wrong, and that pisses me off even more
youre just gonna let the whole goddamn world drain you dry and you wont even care
its fucked up
its fucked up and i hate it

Struggling with WiFi and location names, sorry XD

[inaurare]

[he chose it, though. He knows this his choosing it doesn’t mean that he wanted the ways he was treated, or even deserved it. But he chose it... the consequences were his to bear.]

I’m sorry. I don’t understand it all, but I’m sorry that happened to you.

[it feels silly to say, as he reads things over again, hoping to take a little more meaning from the earlier part in the second reading. There’s too much he doesn’t understand, the hows and the whys and maybe that renders his apology defunct. Hollow. Maybe that’s not what Kagari wants to hear right now.]

Why would I not do those things...? You are a refugee as I am, but you weren’t even in the city you chose when you were caught in the rain...

[leaving out the part about breaking and entering, sure. Honestly Kagari’s attempts at entering the Dragon Cafe week take in comparison to everything around it]

Ought I have left you to fall, then - or you would have at least fallen ill.

[a pause before replying to the last.]

It’s to happen either way, don’t you think? I think I would rather it be as I choose than as is chosen for me.

no worries! c:

[hedonistic]

[Kagari sighs. He didn't tell Linneus about his past so he could feel sorry for him. He doesn't want Linneus to feel sorry for him, especially when he's been in an equally shitty boat. Kagari had hoped telling him would help him understand, but it seems like the other man has missed his point.]

its always better to be able to choose, yeah
but is that really what you want? to keep giving and giving to people whove got nothing to give you back?
isnt there anything you want just for yourself?
you dont have to keep dropping everything for every sad-looking chump you pass, is all im saying
you dont owe anyone shit, refugee or not

[inaurare]

I don't give with the expectation of being given back to.

[and surely it is mean, to give expecting recompense or at least a favour owed in kind. He doesn't like that - or the kind of giving that demands a favour down the road. It feels like giving in bad faith.

He never retreated, when perhaps that seemed like the normal thing to do; he never really closed off his heart. Linneus can understand why people would... but that was never him]

No, I don't owe anyone anything. Nor do I wish them to owe me. But I think kindness is important. Maybe it is idealistic of me, but if I can help someone, I think I should.


((ohhh dear, autocorrect, the fails continue XD "week take" -> were tame...!))

[hedonistic]

[He wonders what it's like, to say things like that and earnestly believe them. Kagari can't...relate to that feeling, not in the same way. The only human connections he was ever allowed to make were those in a similar situation to his own, and his "handlers", as it were, Akane and Gino. Akane aside, the kinship with the others came naturally. He was never able to seek it elsewhere, and by the time even that much was possible, he didn't want it elsewhere. He cared deeply about his friends and felt no further obligation to anyone or anything, and in El Nysa it's been the same, even though his circle has been able to widen with freedom.

Linneus doesn't feel the same way. Kagari doesn't get it, but he doesn't push any further than that. He hates it when anyone tells him how to live his life, after all. Freedom is freedom, which means Linneus has the freedom to use his differently than Kagari does. He'd asked the other man if this was what he truly wanted, and it seemed as if the answer was "yes".]

huh
well if thats how you feel, i guess thats that