video; @unchained

[hedonistic]

[There video opens to a beautiful scene of a sunset at the Fishing District, sky painted in magnificent pinks and oranges that reflect against the pristine ice. A few moments later, a young man's voice accompanies it, tinged with the telltale slurring of someone who's rather drunk.]

Hey, question.

[A pause hangs in the air for a minute, almost long enough that one might wonder if he's gotten distracted or forgotten.]

Did you like your life, before the Storm? [. . .] If the Natha gave you a chance to go back, would any of you stay here?

[Kagari doesn't miss Japan. He doesn't feel homesick. He misses his friends, sure, but he's had more in the past nine months than he did in the twenty-one years before it. But he's starting to feel like the only one.]

Comments

[inaurare]

It is... too complicated to get into here. But I don’t hold my father any ill will for the choice he made.

[it is easier to speak on what he has already brought up. The rest of the wreckage... well, Linneus determines that largely on his own making.]

I think he was simply trying to secure a better life for his son before his vices took hold. Or perhaps it was only his vices to blame but even then... that is only sad for me.

alskjdkfjs i'm sorry he's such a hot mess lmfao ... u dont deserve this meltdown linneus

[hedonistic]

ugggghhhhhhhh of course you fucking dont

[It's almost like a switch is flipped--anger is such an easy emotion for Kagari to access, always right there under the surface, waiting to protect the more vulnerable parts of his heart from emotions he's less comfortable with. Linneus' situation cuts deep into scars seventeen years deep, and no one ever gave him the tools to be able to care about people properly. He was never supposed to need to, after all.]

do you care about EVERYONE but yourself? is that it? what the hell is wrong with you!

Adjdksosjshs Kagari :(

[inaurare]

[there is a pause while he considers the words - tone is always hard to read over these devices but it is clear he cut, even if he hadn’t meant to. For Kagari to cut back is entirely fair - and Linneus isn’t even sure his assessment is wrong, so even if he were the type to deal them, there is no swift rebuke. Just three words, carefully considered-]

It is possible.

[there are far too many aspects of his upbringing he hasn’t unpicked or examined for himself.]

I think I have always reached out to others. For my childhood I had people in my life that stayed, that I even fought for, but...

I simply got used to people leaving, as I grew older. Choices I made drove some away, others simply left

[how to put this]

Once they had what they wanted.

I belonged to the house. I had no business turning away those I didn’t want, no right to chase after those few I wanted to.

weh!!! i love these sad nerds

[hedonistic]

[Kagari's skin crawls at the implications of what Linneus is saying. Much as he thinks of himself as a hardass who doesn't give a shit, he's always held a vulnerability toward kids because of what he's been through. Thinking about other kids suffering like he did always makes him feel vaguely ill; there's a reason why he can't stand to hear kids cry, even now.

There's no response on his end for a long while, too, while he actually thinks about what to say and how to say it, for once. When it comes, this one seems less like a kneejerk. It's probably the most honest Kagari's been with him, up to now.]

i never had anyone, as a kid
its a long story but my parents gave me up when i was little too
the government had this tech to figure out who all wasnt fit to be part of society and i spent my childhood locked up for the benefit of all the "wholesome" citizens on the outside
the only friends ive ever had i didnt make until i was about twenty
i died for them, you know?
id do it again
but i wouldnt do it for most people

you, though
you said you werent strong enough to help me down from that roof but you tried to anyway
you let me into your house before you even knew my name
you gave me stuff you bought for yourself because i happened to need it at that moment
youd probably even risk your life for me, even though i wouldnt for you
youre probably like this with everyone, and it pisses me off

when i met you i thought you were at least like my friend with her perfect happy life who never really knew how garbage people really are
but i was wrong, and that pisses me off even more
youre just gonna let the whole goddamn world drain you dry and you wont even care
its fucked up
its fucked up and i hate it

Struggling with WiFi and location names, sorry XD

[inaurare]

[he chose it, though. He knows this his choosing it doesn’t mean that he wanted the ways he was treated, or even deserved it. But he chose it... the consequences were his to bear.]

I’m sorry. I don’t understand it all, but I’m sorry that happened to you.

[it feels silly to say, as he reads things over again, hoping to take a little more meaning from the earlier part in the second reading. There’s too much he doesn’t understand, the hows and the whys and maybe that renders his apology defunct. Hollow. Maybe that’s not what Kagari wants to hear right now.]

Why would I not do those things...? You are a refugee as I am, but you weren’t even in the city you chose when you were caught in the rain...

[leaving out the part about breaking and entering, sure. Honestly Kagari’s attempts at entering the Dragon Cafe week take in comparison to everything around it]

Ought I have left you to fall, then - or you would have at least fallen ill.

[a pause before replying to the last.]

It’s to happen either way, don’t you think? I think I would rather it be as I choose than as is chosen for me.

[idealisme]

[Not being the best at telling if he's being mocked, Enjolras' gives a mild scowl in response to.... whatever that was at the end there.]

Depressing? When there is change to be made? I'd feel worse about it if I thought things would have to stay the same.

[thedarkbond]

Well, if it's a matter of luck, then who knows?

[It could be shorter. It could also be much, much longer.]

[conqueredhearts]

It is a tale where I come from and one that was shared with me when I was but a boy. Perhaps it is a childish and foolish desire but it is my dream now. One that I lived my life to achieve.

[poolhall_killer]

Honestly, I had intended to die, but "rescued" would still be correct, apparently. What I did wasn't enough.

Or perhaps my friend was planning to retrieve a corpse...

no worries! c:

[hedonistic]

[Kagari sighs. He didn't tell Linneus about his past so he could feel sorry for him. He doesn't want Linneus to feel sorry for him, especially when he's been in an equally shitty boat. Kagari had hoped telling him would help him understand, but it seems like the other man has missed his point.]

its always better to be able to choose, yeah
but is that really what you want? to keep giving and giving to people whove got nothing to give you back?
isnt there anything you want just for yourself?
you dont have to keep dropping everything for every sad-looking chump you pass, is all im saying
you dont owe anyone shit, refugee or not

[hedonistic]

what
u spupersitious or smething
woried im gona jinx it???

[hedonistic]

i hav no ideea what yr talkig about
but wjatever
wlecome to the dying sucks club anywy
the shitiest of all clubs
we dont eevn have muffins

[dancerefresher]

To create my own theater.

[Well...it's not about friends at least???]

[hedonistic]

[god, this guy]

Yeah? I mean listen to you, you don't even want to be here for yourself so much as other people.

[hedonistic]

Eh, not my place to judge. What's this place like?

[idealisme]

That's a contradiction. I wish to be here to help others. It is my own desire that motivates me.

[SO TECHNICALLY IT'S FOR HIMSELF???? look it works in his head okay.]

[hedonistic]

Dude, you said you'd rather live in Paris. It doesn't count if the only reason you want to be here is because you have some sort of compulsion to fix people's problems.

[Which probably aren't even problems to most of them, but he's not getting into that argument with this guy again.]

[idealisme]

[A minor miracle occurs: Enjolras opens his mouth to argue, then closes it to think.]

There are other reasons why I prefer this place. I was not alone in my death. Here, at least, there is a chance I will see my companions again.

it was hungry

[illuminating]

you're right. i have no medal to give, but you would deserve one.
not for smiling at me specifically, but for having the strength to smile at anyone.
it takes little to nothing to hurt someone, to be unkind.
smiling may mean nothing to you, and that's your right, but it means a whole lot to me.
i won't be dissuaded on this; perhaps you can tell i'm also stubborn.

trolling is out of my capacity. are you able to understand?
if the words i've shared with you entailed i was mocking, this would mean they're insincere, and i was being insincere, which is a type of lying.
lying and deception are traits reserved for people and mankind alone.
it isn't in my capabilities to lie, or to deceive you.
i think, you must have been through much if your first instinct is to believe you're being deceived if someone's been honest with you.
and, while i won't apologize for being straightforward, i will apologize for frightening you.

[givingback]

[ Bree's mouth opens, then closes in realization. ]

My mother wasn't dead...wait, are you saying people who have died are in stasis, too? They can...they can come back?

[hedonistic]

Yup. You're looking at one.

[He punctuates that with an obnoxious wink.]

[givingback]

[ Bree blinks quickly, realizing what she missed out on doing on the ship. Her father was still in stasis, then. The father she knew, the father she missed. But still, she clears her throat. ]

I'm sorry. That you...I mean, you seem okay. With, you know, all of that.

[hedonistic]

Don't be. [He shrugs.] This life is way better.

[givingback]

Being here and alive beats being dead, I guess. How long have you been here?

[hedonistic]

About nine months. But even if I wasn't dead, I wouldn't want to go back.

[He misses his friends, but they're in stasis. He'll probably get to see them again, someday.]