text | un: rjlupin

[xxxxx]

A few of us have been talking and we're already tired of being broke, so we're wondering what everyone hopes to do here job-wise, what you did before, and how you go about explaining it to the locals if they want to know about your previous floor-sweeping or shelf-stocking experience before allowing you to sweep any floors or stock any shelves. Especially if your job back home was a little more complicated than that.

And have any of them asked any of you for references? Do they actually check them?

Does anybody have any experience with making up false references wholecloth? Can we begin acting as one another’s references?--which is a terribly trust based suggestion, we realise, and so the following question,

Should we design a character test for the sake of honest false reference corroboration? (‘We’ is the general ‘we’ not the ‘we’ asking these questions.) Is there anyone here who is not a reliable hard worker that the rest of us should be sure not to refer for anything?

Before anyone feels the need to point out that unreliable lazy workers will lie: yes, thank you, please see similar discussions following the questions about murder.

[ For the record, this is the product of a phone and its tiny keyboard being passed around among several different curious people. Remus just drew the short straw, because there is no justice in any world, and has to post it. Also, threadjacking super encouraged if you feel the urge. ]

Comments

[stabilis]

Depends on the kind of nun. Scarbacks tend to be kind of inherently badass. Minus the lectures about trees, obviously.

So what happens when you kill something that's already dead?

[barreling]

Trees? Scarback is a pretty badass name. I'm only familiar with the scarknuckle kind. Lots of hitting with rulers, zero fun.

When I do it they get sucked back down into hell. Floor opens up into a bottomless pit, some fire, some screaming

[barreling]

It's a hypothetical, dude. Do you always ask your assassin customers questions?

[webdesigned]

yeah, ok, point

if i can help out, then let me know.

[webdesigned]

id probably stomach goop if it was going to taste like cheese

but where is the pizza, or the hotdogs, or the pretzels... or the cold chinese takeout i forgot about for two days... i miss new york, the food scene here is def not the same

[xwings]

i hadn't even thought of that

[motivation]

depends. what are your qualifications?

[ she's not hiring because she doesn't actually have a job herself. she's also not sleeping with johnny, but — she kinda really, really can't argue the fraternisation bit regardless, because she may not be sleeping with johnny, but she sure did sleep with his big brother, and d'avin is part of the team as well. ]

[motivation]

did you see him in the pods?

[poolhall_killer]

It would be bad business if I didn't get the proper information. And I've never been asked to eliminate spiders before.

[new business: assassin pest control]

[barreling]

So for real assassin jobs you ask why they want the person dead? Do you sometimes refuse if you don't like their reasons? That seems like it'd be bad for business too

[barreling]

sucks doesn't it?
but look if we all help each other out I bet we can avoid that and find some nice mediocre jobs that aren't gross
you have anything in mind for yourself?

[barreling]

yeah I just closed my eyes

man is that really all there is in the new york food scene everybody talks about so much? everything you listed I can get in my shitty hometown in middle of nowhere canada

or could when it existed I guess

[xwings]

they don't really seem to need pilots down here, so
i got nothing

[barreling]

i spent the last year hunting down a couple dozen demons and sending them back to hell with my bigass magical gun

not a euphemism

[motivation]

well, you got my attention
how badass were those demons? [ aka "how badass are you?" ]

[barreling]

yeah not a lot of planes here unfortch

you could drive stuff? lots of wagons around and i heard somebody saw some like steam car things maybe?

[barreling]

badass is way too nice a word for a bunch of murderous mouthbreathing shitstains

but if you're asking like did they have powers the short answer is yes

[motivation]

what's the long answer?

[xwings]

it's not about the vehicles, it's about the flying
so i guess i'll try to find work in a bar or something

[barreling]

maybe you can find a giant magic bird to ride or something
invent airmail

bar is my plan too. bartending's always been good to me
kinda

[barreling]

they're all super strong and super evil but have different powers. some were super fast, some traveled through mirrors, some were giant shadow things, some could move shit with their minds, one i'm pretty sure was jack the ripper and i don't know what the fuck all his powers were but i killed the shit out of him

are you impressed yet or should i keep going

[xwings]

kinda?
i've never done it before, not really
but i'm a quick study

[poolhall_killer]

We've turned jobs away before for various reasons. We were more interested in removing those who were a detriment to society.

There is more, but I'd rather not bore you with the details.

[motivation]

no idea who jack the ripper is, but
hells yes, i'm impressed

[barreling]

[ oh. well. cool. that was easier than she expected. ]

super famous serial killer in my world nobody knew was actually a demon. not really important

anyway i'm probably going to just see if i can get a gig bartending or something but if you need extra hands for your bounty hunting stuff i'm your girl