video; @unchained

[hedonistic]

[There video opens to a beautiful scene of a sunset at the Fishing District, sky painted in magnificent pinks and oranges that reflect against the pristine ice. A few moments later, a young man's voice accompanies it, tinged with the telltale slurring of someone who's rather drunk.]

Hey, question.

[A pause hangs in the air for a minute, almost long enough that one might wonder if he's gotten distracted or forgotten.]

Did you like your life, before the Storm? [. . .] If the Natha gave you a chance to go back, would any of you stay here?

[Kagari doesn't miss Japan. He doesn't feel homesick. He misses his friends, sure, but he's had more in the past nine months than he did in the twenty-one years before it. But he's starting to feel like the only one.]

Comments

[illuminating]

is there a reason i shouldn't care?

cries about this tbh

[hedonistic]

sure
u dint knw me
i culd be a mas mudrering pcscyhopith
psico
sycho
fuck it
point is yu have no rasin tocare about me

cradles u

[illuminating]

i'm not certain what the third word is.
"mass murdering" is concerning, but not a reason to be stingy about where my heart is extending.
i think, if nothing else, i would be afraid you'd be out of reach, and i would worry about what drove such decisions.
illness, or traumatic difficulty, or an unwell gestation.
if you were a murderer, you'd deserve to face consequences in time, but i would still ask you the same questions, about water and sadness.

are you afraid if someone cares unprompted?

lies with

[hedonistic]

what the fuck
arey ou literlally a saint

[illuminating]

would it make a difference if i was?

[hedonistic]

morelike im haiving a hard time beliving u r an actul rl person

[There's a pause of about twenty seconds, then he sends another message.]

tho mayb ur trolling
i guess id deserve tjat hah

[illuminating]

what is trolling?

[hedonistic]

[. . .]

u kno
messing withme

[illuminating]

teasing?

[hedonistic]

sorta
or prankinh
or mocking

[he was kind of assuming its that last one.]

[illuminating]

you think you deserve to be mocked?

[hedonistic]

idk prbably

[illuminating]

someone who has animosity toward themselves probably isn't happy, even if they aren't sad. but to not be sad isn't much better if you're unable to access much emotion at all.

you're kind, so i hope one day you can feel your body is deserving of water when you're depleting it of hydration. i hope you won't think it's okay for someone to use their words cruelly on you.

[hedonistic]

[Kagari really just stares at his phone for a long, long time. Reads the message several times, like he's not sure whether or not he hallucinated it in his intoxicated state, and grows more uncomfortable each time. Why is this happening? How does he keep running into people like this? What's wrong with them?

(Where were they when he really needed them, seventeen years ago?)

He fights back the sudden urge to throw his phone into the water. takes care to type his next message correctly.]

you dont know anything about me

[He doesn't realize they've met before.]

[illuminating]

not a lot, no. but i know you were gentle with me, and smiled a lot, & shared food with me. things that speak volumes. there's still a great deal i don't know. that much is true.

damn phone ate my tag :(

[hedonistic]

wow i *smiled* at you
give me a goddamn medal

[It's all too much, really. He doesn't know how to handle any of this, so he does the only thing he knows how when he feels cornered--he lashes out.]

hah wjat am i dven doing
ure prob still trolling
left u an opning for all that "murdeerers deserve love too" cralp and now yiur running with it huh

it was hungry

[illuminating]

you're right. i have no medal to give, but you would deserve one.
not for smiling at me specifically, but for having the strength to smile at anyone.
it takes little to nothing to hurt someone, to be unkind.
smiling may mean nothing to you, and that's your right, but it means a whole lot to me.
i won't be dissuaded on this; perhaps you can tell i'm also stubborn.

trolling is out of my capacity. are you able to understand?
if the words i've shared with you entailed i was mocking, this would mean they're insincere, and i was being insincere, which is a type of lying.
lying and deception are traits reserved for people and mankind alone.
it isn't in my capabilities to lie, or to deceive you.
i think, you must have been through much if your first instinct is to believe you're being deceived if someone's been honest with you.
and, while i won't apologize for being straightforward, i will apologize for frightening you.

[hedonistic]

[She's definitely stubborn. And also...way more sincere than he's prepared to handle. The more he tries to brush her words off as absurd, the more she takes him seriously. He doesn't really know what her deal is, honestly. Why is she so invested in this, in him? He doesn't even remember meeting anyone named Ammy; shouldn't she be offended by that?]

mankind huh
so whatre you
a robot or smething
programed to love evrything no matter jow shity it is

[illuminating]

i'm not a robot.
i'm a wolf, and a god. [ just like that. she did say she's honest, and it's to a fault. not only does she see no reason to hide herself, she's unable to do it. sometimes her honesty can come across as tactless, but why should she change her tune merely because he's asked what she is? ]
neither more or less than the other.

i am sorry you're hurting so much.

[hedonistic]

i said im fine

[He's not fine. Kagari Shuusei hasn't been fine in seventeen years.]

i thoght gods were suposed to be all powerful

[Implied, of course, is the question. How did the Storm destroy her world if she was a god? He thought the natha were the only gods here.]

[illuminating]

[ for once, she feels the cut of his words. she was still in the process of restoring nature and running an evil incomprehensible to mankind out of the world. then, the storm. she wonders if he can imagine such gravity, to have given a whole universe its very life, only to have it snatched away from her. to be too weak to do anything.

regardless, she remains steady, and other than the typical, slow pace in responding she's had from the beginning since this is an arduous task for her, she doesn't miss a beat. ]

this is misinformation spread by mankind, when some of them bore witness to things a god could to do that they could not.
humans dislike the idea of a god who cannot save them all, and they'll reject the concept of gods when not every prayer is answered. but this is the way of things.
they're powerful, but not all powerful.
many things can weaken a god. a god can drain its own resources.
as for me, i'm not whole. and as things are, it's unlikely i'll be restored to my true state.
even then, i awoke here to find i was weakened more than i had already been.
however, i do not know if this is because the natha took away certain elements to my being, concerned for how i might change things if they did not, or if i was too much for the stasis pod to pull me together to what remained of me in completion. as in, it could give me back consciousness, but not other things.

sorry for the extreme delay orz

[hedonistic]

[At another time, under different circumstances, he probably would've been more excited to hear a story like that. To ponder the mechanics of such a thing, of whether gods could be limited to an individual universe.

Another time, another conversation. A time when unconditional regard wasn't being shown to him by a virtual stranger. By a wolf that nonetheless "talks" like a person and claims to be a god. Defensiveness has settled in already, deep in his bones, and the parts of him that are still capable of childish wonderment and excited are quieted under the weight of bitterness and the pain of years-old wounds that have only festered instead of healed with time.]

welllllllll
fr what its wirth
i never asumed gods gave a shit abut any of us if they wre real
u all prbly had better goddy things to do than wory about the tiny insects in ur ant farms
sry yrs got smashed tho
unless ur the god of mine hahahaha